When the news get too depressing these are the books to read.

Now, where can one find happiness? Always a good place to start is: anywhere a good, sound couple of laughs wash away the alternative, of course. And each of the Tricky Headlines eBooks holds hundreds and hundreds of laughs for the having. Here you can enjoy the hilarious, definitely not politically correct (PC) quips, comments, and invariably irreverent observations of/by S D Rodrian on today's news headlines collected in this ever continuing series of books intended most especially of all for the latest eReaders out there (each & every available tablet, computer, and iPhone you can buy).

In a world of serious, sad, and even quite tragic circumstances (a world in which about the greatest need is & always will remain the need for laughter), humor always is the point of departure here... ever the abiding goal of these forthright takes on today's so very truly tricky headlines.

S D Rodrian

[Below you can read some of their contents.]

Latter-Day-Musings / S D Rodrian
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Tricky Headlines 6 / S D Rodrian
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There is no better book to understand both the follies
and the folly of Donald Trump.

Tricky Headlines 5 / S D Rodrian
Happy Schadenfreudes to You Democrats & Republicans!
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Tricky Headlines 3 / S D Rodrian
The World Is Funnier Than It Lets On
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Tricky Headlines 4 / S D Rodrian
Sinful Pleasures of the Anti-Politically Correct
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Tricky Headlines 1 / S D Rodrian
A profound treatise upon the human condition.
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Tricky Headlines 2 / S D Rodrian
An Amusing Stare Into The Tragedies of Man.
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Continuing this flippant series of hilarious eBooks exploiting the apparent inability of the writers & editors of today's "Tricky Headlines" to compose clear, unambiguous copy--Puzzlement, amazement, outrage, and the humor of their folly, silliness, ambiguity, injustice, intent to deceive, along with all the rest of it. Intended for an adult audience (think of these items as comics without the graphics). Every collection suitable to be the ideal reading companion for any seated occasion.
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Do buy my eBooks and help me to topple Bill Gates off the top of that swanky Forbes's list. eBook Image

What, you want to get bogged down in some inane novel written by a tiresome pointless novelist, or you wanna laugh at the stupidity of Man?

[You may preview these eBooks at Amazon.com]

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  "Remember: If you don't want me to quip
    about you, just stay out of the headlines!



Russian Operatives Drank Champagne, Said They ‘Made America Great’ After Trump Win

Yeah. That pretty much sounds about right. [No surprise there.]


Why his fans think Trump has ‘great and unmatched wisdom’

Because Trump's wisdom (pretty much like theirs) has never really caught fire? [It's snuffed, dude. Stillborn snuffed.] I suppose this is 'great' maybe because that way it can't cause forest fires.

Luckily, Trump Is an Unstable Non-Genius


-- Former U.S. attorney Joseph E. diGenova, a frequent Trump defender, called whistleblowers “suicide bombers” and accused Democrats of “regicide” during a Fox News interview with Giuliani and Laura Ingraham.

Just like Trump himself, the Republicans who long to make The Donald our king don't seem to care any longer just how outrageously laughable they look: "They wanna kill our king!"


-- On Monday, the federal judge in the New York case dismissed Trump’s lawsuit seeking to block the Manhattan district attorney from obtaining his tax returns. Judge Victor Marrero broadly rejected Trump’s claim that a president cannot be investigated by any prosecutor, anywhere, for any reason. He said this position it “repugnant” to the concept that no man is above the law. “The Court cannot square a vision of presidential immunity that would place the President above the law with the text of the Constitution, the historical record, the relevant case law” or any other authority, the judge wrote in a 75-page ruling. “This Court cannot endorse such a categorical and limitless assertion of presidential immunity from judicial process.” The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit has issued a stay of the subpoena, pending Trump's appeal.

If it did, then a dissolute scofflaw like Trump would be above the law. And instead of seeking justice in Court we would all have to beg for the capricious blessing of The Donald (or, you know, purchase it).


At least 11 elephants died trying to save a calf that plunged into a waterfall and drowned

A well-known Roman Catholic witchdoctor said to me: "This is definitely a very clear message from Above to the GOP about its grim future."

He told me that a nominally [someone who was only a 'little'] Republican will lead 11 'major' Republicans over the cliff to their utter & complete destruction.

"Do you doubt it?" He asked my obvious look of secular skepticism: "The entire GOP establishment is corrupt, perverse, illicit. And like all such unscrupulous enterprises that live on society's improprieties it cannot last forever: It must either implode of its own inner-failings, rot, corruption--or it must be forcibly brought down for the Good of all." Then he said he didn't want to take my money on which it would be.

The Senate is likelier to remove Trump after impeachment than you think


Trump downplays U.S. alliance with Syrian Kurds, saying ‘they didn’t help us in the Second World War’

Cojone! [What else can ya say?]


Sorry Donald, The Term ‘Fake News’ Was Around Long Before You Although "fake news" was popularized by Trump during the 2016 campaign, the term actually dates back to 1890.

Yeah, but The Donald did invent the word 'the' (and Bill Clinton the word 'is'). Remember that!


‘Coup’ talk is proliferating on Fox as the impeachment inquiry ramps up

Is a television network protected from prosecution for incitement?


As Trump abandons Kurds, Israel worries how dependable he is

Don't worry: Trump will NEVER abandon Israel (unless he wants to).


Stephen Moore says Trump might say things that are untrue, but that doesn't make them lies.

Also sez that Trump is a man, but that doesn't mean he's not a woman.

Pentagon says United States not abandoning Kurds

Mmmm... how to interpret this? How to interpret this?...


Ukraine President Insists There Was ‘No Blackmail’ In Phone Call With Trump

"Yeah. And he better say that, see! And keep on saying it--if he knows what's good for him!"


The professor, the prime minister and the attorney general: Italy gets caught up in an unproven theory of Trump’s allies

"If you don't put your foot down insanity will spread like wildfire everywhere." --Smokey The Bear


Trump Defends Wife Of U.S. Diplomat Suspected In Death Of British Teen The president appeared to say he has also driven on the wrong side of the road in a foreign country.

Of course: Breaking the law used to be against the law. But that was long ago & Trump keeps saying that breaking the law is not a crime now.


Woman Accuses Donald Trump Of Grabbing Her Vagina Without Consent In Early 2000s

In Trump's defense: He's now claiming that as president he's protected from prosecution for any crimes he's ever committed throughout his entire life.


Want to live longer? Try getting a dog.

Longer than the dog? Get an old dog then.


Trump wanted Tillerson to help broker a deal to stop prosecution of a Giuliani client

What a surprise.


California Fire Caused By Burning Trash Destroys Dozens Of Homes

"Hey, at least I got rid of that pile of trash!"


In Impeachment Inquiry, Trump Insists He’s Above The Law

Enjoy Trump's free concerts now because once he's in the federal pen (or in some asylum) he's only gonna be performing his act for his keepers. ["Get the hose."]


The Rudest Things You Can Do On A Plane

Thank God there's a list! [I wouldn't wanna leave anything out.]


Jane Fonda Arrested At U.S. Capitol During Climate Change Protest

Her motto is: "If nobody offers you a role just take one up yourself."


Why Trump is flirting with abandoning Fox News for One America

Sez these days Fox News is not lying as much as he'd like them to.


White House talking points suggest a ‘serious danger’ Yovanovitch will reveal information without authorization

Sure. It's seriously dangerous to Trump. [That's why he doesn't authorize it.]


Disclosures suggest Trump’s White House politicized pretty much everything — and there are lots of witnesses

We investigated the Watergate scandal. We believe Trump should be impeached.

Trump must not only be impeached but everything he's stolen from the American taxpayers, from individual states, and from innocent victims of his financial self-dealings must be confiscated and properly restituted to them accompanied by any applicable fines & penalties. The other enablers & participants in Trump's crime sprees should also face their day in Court with penalties from public disgrace & humiliation to prison following all convictions... so that future generations of Americans who are called to serve their country may fully grasp that their loyalty is to all Americans and not just to any dissolute opportunist like Trump who happens to be their boss.

Trump and his whole entire corrupt crime family have defrauded banks, taxpayers, businesses (and untold others) and committed brazen acts of lawlessness & theft all of which must be prosecuted--And every single time a conviction is secured punished severely enough so that it will give pause to generations of future unmitigated criminal wannabes like them.

Those foreign business ties? Mr. Trump’s sons have plenty.

Appeals court rules against Trump in fight with Congress over president’s accounting firm records

At last the long arm of the law is slowly reaching into the White House and clawing at all the hoodlums who have wormed their way in there.


Rudy Giuliani Reportedly Under Investigation For Links To U.S. Ambassador’s Recall

Trump says he doesn’t know if Giuliani is still his attorney

Translation: "Giuliani is waiting for a bus." [Rudy: "What? Donny told me to wait here because he was taking me for a ride."]

Trump defends Giuliani amid reports of federal probe

Mmm... could Giuliani have read the Riot Act to Trump in a recent phone call? I wonder. Rudy must have lots on The Donald for Trump to express this kind of public support for an underling. [Wonder why other underlings haven't leveraged their own piles of dirt?]


We’re still taking better care of banks than people

But, aren't 'we' people?!


Trump’s envoy to testify that ‘no quid pro quo’ came from Trump

It will all come out. It always does.


Hunter Biden to resign from Chinese firm’s board, won’t take foreign work if father wins election

Do I believe Joe and Hunter Biden are corrupt? If Hunter Biden had no qualifications for the position he got other than that [it appears] the Ukrainians wanted to influence his father then that is the definition of corruption; and if the Bidens argue the opposite then that is the definition of the corrupt soul. If Hunter Biden got his job when Joe Biden was no part of the American government, then that is the only way their situation escapes the definition of it being corruption.

Diplomat tells investigators he raised alarms in 2015 about Hunter Biden’s Ukraine work but was rebuffed

In the 2020 election it's less a matter of corruption as it is of Joe Biden's judgment and intelligence: How stupid do you have to be to not see that even with twice his qualifications if Hunter had gotten off a bus in Ukraine there's no way in Hell he would have gotten that job?

If Joe Biden really wanted the best for the Republic and not just for himself he'd quit the race now and work towards electing a Democratic candidate who is in the mainstream of the American electorate (for if the Democrats pick Warren or Sanders they might just probably re-elect an utterly reprehensibly corrupt Donald Trump).


The Finance 202: There's less to Trump's 'greatest and biggest deal' with China than meets the eye

What a surpise.


Analysis: Trump hands Putin another win

What a surpise.


Hong Kong protesters plead for American protection as police crackdown intensifies

Man, are these poor bastards living in a Trump bizarro world!


In the Middle East, there’s one country every side talks to: Russia

And if that doesn't get The Donald a Putin's okay for his Trump Tower in Moscow nothing will. [We'll see after his impeachment and Pence's Pardon.]


When Non-Black Minorities Wear Cornrows And Locs, Is It Appropriation?

Yes! And Africans wearing pants is also an appropriation. As well, for that matter, as native Americans and Hindus wearing only diapers (many babies have complained to me about this).


Kathy Griffin Slams Pro-Trump Video That Shows Her And Others Killed

Trump sez she started it. [Their parents later had to intervene and send them for a time out.]


Trump hits 13,435 misleading or false claims as day 1,000 draws near

When America really was great even one single lie used to be enough to convince people not to trust someone. [Them was sure the days!]


Research group that discounted risks of red meat has ties to program partly backed by beef industry

In their defense: In the Age of Trump the verdict of science is for sale. You know, like the verdict of the Supreme Court and most other courts soon will be (if it already isn't). Depending on how many judges Trump and the GOP has managed to pack into them.


Trump’s campaign manager calls impeachment inquiry a ‘seditious conspiracy’ as another witness testifies

Trump says ‘treason.’ His fans invoke violence. How attacks against Schiff are escalating online.

This is incitement pure & simple. And when no one any longer fears the law we must all fear everyone.

Violent spoof video of Trump killing his critics shows how memes have reshaped politics

"No. No. No," sez Trump: "We were only trying to desensitize people to going out & killing our political opponents, that's all."

Perspective: If Trump doesn’t condone violence against journalists, he should stop inspiring it


Trump talks tough on Turkish economy, but actions so far fall short

What a surprise.

Trump's sanctions won't bite a vulnerable Turkish economy "Turkey's currency and stock market both rose Tuesday as investors breathed a sigh of relief that harsher measures were not imposed. Timothy Ash, emerging market strategist at Bluebay Asset Management, called the sanctions "minimal" and "window dressing," noting that the trade deal was years off in any case." Josef Braml, head of the Americas program at the German Council on Foreign Relations, said that Trump appears to be trying to get ahead of calls for sanctions from Congress. Braml said that much may depend on what kind of understanding Trump reached with President Recep Tayyip Erdogan before announcing he would withdraw U.S. troops from the area, giving Erdogan a free hand. "He didn't sell the Kurds for nothing," Braml said.

What To Watch For: Erdogan & staff booking a few nights over at Trump's properties in Turkey.

And now you know for how few dollars Trump sold the lives, land, hopes & culture of the Kurds of Syria, once one of America's best allies--But, of course, I wouldn't say Trump would sell his own mother for a dime (because, frankly, I just don't know whether Trump would wait for a buyer to go that high), but--

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power


Google’s new Pixel 4 phone uses radar to see you coming

Excellent! And if they could also include microwaves I could cook my ear wax right off instead of having to constantly wash my ears!


What It’s Really Like Having — And Traveling With — An Emotional Support Animal

Ew, wat'cha gonna go. You married the galoot, didn't ya.


The first time sex was depicted in art?

Answer: That was how 'art' started in the first place.


Do elephants risk their lives to save each other?

No. Like us, what they really want is a closer look at somebody drowning. But, unlike us, their huge bulk tends to send them headlong into the pool as well.


The march that KO'd communism

Jesus! Just how skimpy were the majorettes' G-strings on those marching bands!?


Could bug burgers help save the planet?

Doubt it: I already eat plenty of bugs in my burgers & things are not getting any better.


NASA Conducts Spacewalk as World's 1st Spacewalker Dies

At least he died doing what he loved.


Only once has Gallup seen more support for removing a president. Nixon was gone four days later.

Dude, even if the poll goes all the way up to 101% they're still gonna have to send the Sheriff into the White House to drag out The Donald by the scruff of his no-neck kicking, screaming & yelling bitch.


Trump stuns British teen’s parents, says American in crash that killed their son is nearby and able to meet -- Harry Dunn's parents, who were visiting the United States, had no idea they were to meet President Trump, much less the woman who after the accident in Britain claimed diplomatic immunity and returned to the United States.

Apparently just Trump doing one of the few things he's good at: Setting up a photo-op for himself.

Trump says his meeting with Harry Dunn’s parents was ‘beautiful.’ Their spokesman calls it ‘an ambush.’


Fourth defendant in Giuliani associates’ case arrested at New York airport

Oh, what, that wasn't Trump they arrested?! Jumped the gun I guess.


Analysis: Trump appears to confirm U.S. nukes are in Turkey, which would break with longstanding protocol

Of course: Now Putin will be able to apply more official pressure on the world stage to have the U.S. pull them out--Or justify Russia putting their up against Western Europe. Either way I can just see Trump Tower Moscow rising on the horizon.

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power


Mulvaney emerges as a key facilitator of the campaign to pressure Ukraine

Did anybody really think that Trump's right-hand man in his personal Mafia, Mick 'The Weasel' Mulvaney, would have had nothing to do with The Donald's Ukraine "drug deal?" ["C'mon, man!"]


Could Trump fire the whistleblower?

Watch out Trump doesn't try to fire the entire Congress soon. [No, I'm serious: Watch out for that!]


Sen. Elizabeth Warren is targeted by rivals for a second day as candidates seek a post-debate advantage

Is Elizabeth Warren now unbeatable? She certainly seems to think so: She's now claiming that she could stand out in the middle of Fifth Avenue and take off her top and that she wouldn't lose any voters. I'd have to see that. But we'll see.


Trump has awarded G-7 summit to his Miami-area resort, the White House says

Now Trump's machinegunning people on Fifth Avenue!?

But, in Trump's defense: He's never read a book in his life, has he. So it's very unlikely that he has ever looked up 'self-dealing' in a dictionary.

Although... judging from Trump's unfamiliarity with the English language, it makes me wonder whether he might not be some Russian look-alike planted by Putin to replace the real Donald Trump, how long ago it might have been done (and how much Putin's paying Trump's kids to keep it quiet); and whether Putin has the real Donald Trump still alive down in the bowels of the Kremlin being fed corn fritters & vodka to keep him happy...

A new report suggests Trump may have committed financial crimes

Never-Before-Seen Trump Tax Documents Show Major Inconsistencies

The world is staring at Trump, mouth agape


So That’s Why Your Bra Size Is Different From Store To Store

There was an ice cream parlor between stores.


How To Sleep Better On Planes

1) place yourself in a coma
2) ship yourself in a casket
3) have blood IV waiting on arrival


Zorica Rebernik, 67, loves red so much that she has a crimson-colored tombstone ready when she dies.

She'll enjoy that.


Senate Advances Another Trump Court Pick Rated ‘Not Qualified’ To Serve

What a surprise.


Trump says China will buy $50 billion a year of U.S. agriculture. That’s not what China says

What a surprise.


Venezuela wins a seat on the U.N. Human Rights Council

And now you know why the U.N. Human Rights Council is an abomination and should be abolished at once.


Facebook’s Zuckerberg tells The Post he fears ‘erosion of truth’ but defends allowing politicians to lie in ads

Sez it lines his pockets.


Mulvaney confirms Ukraine aid withheld in part to investigate Democrats

"Who knew Mick 'The Weasel' would become a rat!" Trump said. [Hint: Sammy 'The Bull' Gravano]

The Post’s View: Mick Mulvaney just told House investigators everything they need to know about Trump and Ukraine

It will all come out. It always does.


Turkey Agrees to Pause Fighting, but Not to Withdraw From Syria

Considering Turkey's achieved all its goals, I'd say that magnanimously agreeing to Trump's request is a win-win for Erdogan. Now Trump can proclaim that he 'commanded' Turkey to cease or else--which is pretty much par for the course for the poor slob.

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power

Ya'know, I wonder if Trump has ever had his IQ tested. It's possible that he's an imbecile and no one's ever mentioned it in his entire life because of his money. His father certainly treated him like an imbecile: Instead of slapping him up the side of the head, like: "Hey, stupid! You just lost ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Who does that?!" Fred Trump simply gave Donny yet another couple of millions to play with: "And try not to lose these so quickly, my boy." [That's how The Donald lost that billion, you know.]


My 5-year-old niece laughs at my ‘big belly.’ How can I put an end to this?

Show her you big ass: That'll fix her.


He wrote a novel about robbing banks — and he just got arrested for a real-life heist

In his defence: Ya writes what ya know.


What Happens When Employers Can Read Your Facial Expressions?

Then the sadists among them will certainly get to enjoy giving out those "whopping" 10-cents-an-hour raises a lot more.


Trump Takes Presidential Corruption To New Heights, Calls Everyone Else Corrupt

This is why they have nudist camps: So that the exhibitionist pervs won't have to feel embarrassed being seen walking around in the nude in front of children.

Trump thinks Biden pulled a scam in Ukraine because that’s what Trump would have done

The GOP’s new ‘defense’ of Trump actually makes the case against him


Gordon Sondland’s Testimony About The Trump-Ukraine Scandal Defies Belief -- He claims he didn't know Trump was targeting Joe Biden in Ukraine — but the evidence was on front pages for months.

This is why if this nation's soul is to be saved each & every one of these outrageous criminals has GOT to be put in federal prison as soon as possible.

What I would really like to see is a prosecutor ask in a court of law each and every one of these bums: "How could you NOT have known that what Trump was building was a personal Mafia at the heart of the American government?!"


Rick Perry Notifies Trump Of His Resignation

Wonder whether he did it in a tweet? [I would have.]


Trump on Turks and Kurds: ‘Like two kids in a lot, you’ve got to let them fight’

Wonder what he might have said of the Jews and the Nazis way back when.

In Chilling Echo Of Ethnic Cleansing, Trump Says North Syria Needed To Be ‘Cleaned Out’

“They’ve got a lot of sand over there. So there’s a lot of sand they can play with.” — Trump, on the battleground between the Turkish military and Syrian Kurds

International Experts Launch Probe Of Possible Chemical Attack By Turkey On Syrian Kurds


NOAA calls for mild winter but one with big mood swings

Yeah, but, is this what's going to happen or what Trump ordered NOAA to say was going to happen? Now there's really no way for us to know, is there!


Sacha Baron Cohen Nails The Problem With Zuckerberg’s Freedom Of Expression Defense

This is only partly correct thinking, as it overlooks the fact that although Facebook is a private concern it has the power to unduly influence both government and national interests, and because of that, Zuckerberg should try to ONLY police and outlaw, say... only those posts/ads which overtly/suggestively promote violence and hate:

People specifically go to Facebook to express their opinions, not to order a plate of linguine. Therefore the problem with Cohen's metaphor is that Facebook is not a restaurant: The correct metaphor would be whether the owner of a fancy restaurant would be right to tell some customers who went to his restaurant and ordered a meal he wasn't happy to serve them "to get the f**k out of his restaurant"...? No doubt he could do it. But, should he do it? Would he be right doing it? [Zuckerberg’s Dilemma]

A benevolent dictator makes for an indolent populace too lazy to stand up for themselves and be counted. This is why (except perhaps for quite egregious cases of incitement) I oppose censorship: Even as crazy as they are, the answer to Trump's pernicious poisons and offensive speech is not censorship but to inspire the rising voices of the sane to come drown out Trump's vile delusions--to force the righteous, in the face of a challenge to their own interests & survival, to force the righteous to rise out of that indolence into which benevolent dictators hypnotize them--This is the root of democracy (which will never bear fruit as long as people think they have a powerful benevolent dictator claiming to defend and protect their interests). Dictators only protect their own interests, just like everybody else.

The one thing do I agree with Cohen on is that, yes, Zuckerberg is not the government, and as a private entity there would be no violation of The First Amendment if Facebook censored Trump itself or, say, flooded Trumps' many nutty assertions with company counterbalancing posts and ads. Although it is pretty clear that even this will not happen: Trump is buying ads on Facebook because he thinks they're effective, of course; and if Zuckerberg did that Trump would immediately stop running his ads on Facebook... and as a private company Zuckerberg runs his business to make money. So Zuckerberg will see no profit in playing the role of benevolent dictator. Sorry.

‘Keep Fighting’ — Twitter Critics Celebrate Victory After Trump Dumps Doral For G-7

Free speech doesn’t mean Facebook must run dishonest ads

Nice. If there is a way we can all agree something is a lie, or better still prove that it is a lie with facts which no one can possibly dispute, then yes. But, unfortunately, until we mortals become gods we are condemned to argue out our different opinions... or worse still: to fight each other over them. And that is something which we can and must definitely avoid.

Unfortunately most opinions, even when we ourselves believe they are in agreement with the truth, are quite often also called lies by those who, unlike us, do not agree with them: How we might discern truth from lie is one of the eternal dilemmas of mankind. And probably always will be.


Who should throw the ceremonial first pitches at Nats’ World Series games?

Donald Trump. Maybe he'd hit somebody & finally get thrown out of something somewhere!


A woman lived in a van with more than 300 pet rats. Now they’re getting new homes.

That I don't doubt: If a homeless woman came to my home with 300 rats I'd jump out the nearest window and, baby, they could all keep the house with my blessings.


Duchess Meghan: ‘Not many people have asked if I’m okay’

Maybe you just don't have a history of asking many other people if they're okay. Have you ever considered that?


How a secretary of state with backbone handles an out-of-line White House

It's not backbone that's required here--it's ethics, honesty, morality. And no doubt mad Mob boss Trump picked Mike 'Fat Fart' Pompeo precisely because he knew that 'Fat Fart' Pompeo had none of those. Guy, quite the contrary: Donald Trump is actually looking for mob associates with the backbone to stay loyal to him even unto the death. [Ain't found many.]


White House says Trump resort will host G-7 at cost but doesn’t say how much that will be

Really?! Who doesn't know that means 'at cost to' everybody in the world except to Trump?!


This Photographer Wants To Capture The Beauty Of Fat Bodies

He's now searching for the right telephoto lens and a ticket to the moon.


But, I refuse to believe that the totality of the Republican Party system is corrupt beyond the possibility of contrition, that every single Republican senator would turn their backs on the country. Call me naïve. Or, call me hopeful for the future of the country writes Charles Blow.

I wouldn't be too cocky about believing that, Charlie. You forget the Civil War, when almost every Southerner alive turned his/her back on the American Republic just so a tiny handful of them could make money off human slavery. [Trump ain't riding a truck he built himself.]

ACLU says 1,500 more migrant children were taken from parents by U.S. than previously disclosed


Erdogan Says He Wants Nuclear Weapons

His mommy sez he will have to be satisfied with a little cho-cho just like all the other little boys.


‘I see women being on Mars just as much as men’

Wow! I don't think I'd be able to see an elephant on Mars even using the most powerful telescope on earth.


Where You Die Can Affect Your Chance of Being an Organ Donor

1) if you fall into bed and die: maybe
2) if you fall into a woodchipper: not


Trump irked his golf club will no longer host G7 --President Trump says finding another location for the summit will cost the US a fortune.

Sez he will need to charge the United States at least that much to point to it with one of his fingers.


The warming climate is making baby sea turtles almost all girls

And they can't stick a few thousand baby turtles in a cold pool and release them once they're all little boys?


Zombies take over the streets in Mexico City

Luckily they're too zombed-out to interfere with people using the sidewalks.


Venezuelans buy gas with cigarettes to battle inflation

No sweat: That's what all prisoners do in jail.


X-ray reveals stolen $100,000 diamond ring inside thief’s body, California cops say

Thief demanding that police find out who could have put it there.


Boat anchor damages large area of transplanted coral off Florida Keys

"I'm sorry," said the boat captain: "I was gonna toss my anchor up into a passing cloud, but it went by too fast."


Trump Likens Impeachment Inquiry To ‘A Lynching’ In Twitter Outburst

At least now he can't go any lower. I mean, it's not as if he's going to compare himself to Jesus on the Cross next. [Probably.]


What To Do If Your Dog Eats Weed

Rat him out to the cops: He was supposed to share it.


To protect Trump, Republicans are staging a display of lawlessness

What a surprise.


Trump says U.S. will lift sanctions on Turkey, calling cease-fire in Syria ‘permanent’ - President Trump added a caveat, saying that sanctions would be lifted "unless something happens that we’re not happy with.”

Such as Erdogan nationalizing Trump's properties in Turkey. Yes, we know.

Trump lifts Turkey sanctions, declaring success in Syria as Turkey and Russia fill void

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power


Trump ‘surprised’ at push-back to hosting G-7 at his Doral resort, chief of staff says

Trump Continues To Defend Doral Choice Even After Giving In - “It would have been great,” the president told reporters during a meeting with Cabinet members.

Maybe, but your fellow Republicans didn't want the American electorate to see just how big a thief you are: Blame them.


Trump on Monday made new statements that belie his January 2017 promise that he would separate himself from his family business, the Trump Organization, which operates the resorts and hotels that he continues to own through a trust he created after winning the 2016 election. - “I was going to do it at no cost or give it for free,” he said at the Cabinet meeting, echoing his Saturday night statement on Twitter that “I announced that I would be willing to do it at NO PROFIT or, if legally permissible, at ZERO COST to the USA.”


Trump later on in the Cabinet meeting, though, backtracked, claiming that he would have ASKED his family to reduce the prices to be charged the government “because I don’t run the business, because THEY run my business now.” [Ha!]


Here’s the quid pro quo proof, Lindsey Graham

An overlooked Bill Taylor revelation hints at worse to come from Trump -- Two senior U.S. officials seriously discussed a plan in which the attorney general of the United States would publicly coordinate with a foreign government to help Trump absolve Russia of culpability for an attack on our political system, by helping to repudiate our intelligence services’ conclusion about that culpability.

This is why not just Giuliani but Barr, Mulvaney, Miller and every other cheap underling Trump has 'installed' in key positions of the American Government to facilitate his corruption must be brought before a Court of Law to answer for his/her own specific role in Trump's conspiracy to subvert the 2020 election and cheat his way to an undeserved victory.

Trump Has Spent $115 Million On Golf Trips -- Or 287 Years Of Presidential Salary

Donald Trump is a disgustingly hideous crass thief who has spent his entire life stealing from people right and left without regard to the harm, pain and grief he inflicts on his innocent victims--the textbook case of what invariably happens when a criminal is not prosecuted as early on as it's possible: The result os which is that he will always go on to much greater and greater crimes, finding in the law's unwillingness or inability to stop him confirmation of an egotistical belief that he is invulnerable to the law and "smarter than all the cops in the world."

Donald Trump And The Making Of A Predatory President

How all these prominent [so-called upstanding] citizens can sit at the same table with such a soulless criminal as Donald Trump, lending him [or selling him] prestige at the expense of the corruption it pours down on their shattering principles and toilet-flushing reputations (just only for the 'privilege' of staining themselves with an infamy they will surely have to live down all the days of their lives) is beyond me.

How Trump helps his supporters justify racism

And, if I could ask but one question of The Donald, it would be to drop-kick a baby on Fifth Avenue sometime (which seems to be about the only outrage he hasn't done yet for the entertainment of his Evangelical/hard core voters): I just want to see how much applause they would give him. And exactly how the Republicans explain it away as an act of compassion.

Ukraine Knew of Aid Freeze by Early August, Undermining Trump Defense

White House delayed Ukraine trade decision in August, a signal that U.S. suspension of cooperation extended beyond security funds


Trump Says He’s Building A Wall In Colorado — Which, No, Is Not A Border State

What a surprise.

Trump Says He’s Building A Wall In Colorado — Which Is Not A Border State

It's possible that Donald Trump really only has a third grade (or even lower) education and was simply 'bought' his other higher grades graduations [as all his non-fictional biographies hint at]. Or, it's also possible (and not as big a stretch as one might believe now) that he is a 'look-alike' whom the Russians have replaced him with and that's why he's not as familiar with the map of the United States as are even the youngest American children.

It will all come out. It always does.


Most animal cruelty isn’t a federal crime. The House just passed a bill to change that.

About time. The Cubans next-door just had chicken & rice, and a chicken eaten is obviously a chicken that has been cruelly assassinated.


Spain Exhumes Franco’s Remains After Long and Bitter Battle

His body with be turned over for forensic fun to Dr. Frankie Stein. What could go wrong?


White House Arguing That Dems Are Treating Trump Unfairly, Not That He’s Innocent

Any Republican body in front of the truth. [from the best-selling The Art of Total Trench Warfare by Unterführer Stevie Bannon]

As more testimony is disclosed, it becomes clearer that President Trump’s only defense against impeachment is to distract from the facts.

In court hearing, Trump lawyer argues a sitting president would be immune from prosecution even if he were to shoot someone

The White House resorts to character assassination of courageous officials

Trump wages battle against impeachment with a barrage of provocations, contradictions and exhortations


Trump Calls Them ‘My Judges.’ Will They Side With Him In Separation Of Powers Fight?

Sure. Especially the ones that wanna go to Hell with him.


Rats are capable of driving tiny cars, researchers found. It eases their anxiety.

About driving the big ones? Sure. I get anxious when I have to drive my SUV


500-year-old skeletons found in the Tower of London

What were they doing there? Nothing. [Joke found in the hand of one of the skeletons.]


Trump Mentions Building a Wall in Colorado, Then Says He Was Kidding

Trump is the 'oops, I meant to do that' guy. Hell, he does it even better than PeeWee Herman. And more often. [He is also, as you can well see, one stupendously unquitting liar.]


Trump instructs federal agencies to cancel Washington Post and New York Times subscriptions

Sez he don't wanna know nothing than what he already doesn't know. [sic.] And, by the way, forbidding people to read something is the classical definition of censorship. So, anybody in a government agency who is reprimanded for having access to The Washington Post or The New York Times has a very good case that his/her First Amendment rights have been infringed: Sue The Damn Donald! Sue!


The U.S. deficit hit $984 billion in 2019, soaring during Trump era

And, where did all that money the U.S. borrowed go--when Trump is cutting every government service he can to as many Americans as possible? [Look in the pockets of billionaires like Trump & his pals. It's in there.]


Democrat drafting bill to stop Facebook from profiting off politicians' ads containing falsehoods

Bets are being laid as to whether more than 1 Republican will vote for it.


Who are (and were) the GOP holdouts on Lindsey Graham’s anti-impeachment bill? - “It’s inappropriate for the president to be talking with foreign governments about investigating his political opponents, but impeachment would be a mistake,” Republican Sen. Lamar Alexander said earlier this month.

Maybe they should give Trump the Medal of Honor instead for trying to cheat on the 2020 election. Sure. [And instead of holding honest elections, from now on we could award the presidency to whoever can best cheat the American people.]

Trump should be very worried about Senate Republicans


Susan Rice Calls Sen. Lindsey Graham ‘A Piece Of S**t’

Well, I don't know about calling him that, but many a time have I had to skip on a sidewalk to avoid stepping upon Lindsey Graham, that's true.

Graham introduces resolution condemning House impeachment inquiry

Could Lindsey Graham be any more shameful?

Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.), who met with Trump at the White House on Thursday for lunch, said the president was defiant. “He just kept saying he did nothing wrong, he did nothing wrong,” Graham said in an interview. “He said it over and over.”

Actually, what The Donald said was: "I didn't do nothing, man. I didn't do nothing!" Immediately after he had turned on the TV show COPS playing: "Bad boy! Bad boy! Bad boy! Wa'cha gonna do? Wa'cha gonna do when they come for you?"

Lindsey Graham is a fellow who famously likes to slap himself publicly in the face until he's red-faced silly. [He will definitely make King Trump a hilarious Court Fool.]


Justice Dept. investigation of Russia probe is criminal in nature, person familiar with case says

What has to be done is that persons who subvert the law for personal or political gain must be brought to account and face the legal consequences of their illegal activities. And, if found guilt, subsequently made to suffer the harshest possible penalties allowed by law--if for no other reason than to give pause to those who might be considering the same crimes in the future.

Explosive William Barr news points to Trump’s weakness and panic

It's good to know William Barr will be sharing the jail cell next to Trump: Trump will definitely need someone to worship him when he's in prison.

The scope of Trump’s corruption is mind-boggling. New developments show how.


Carolyn Hax: Can a 3-year-old who always wants to be held ever hold his own?

Perhaps if he is held he might grow up to be a loving and caring human being who understands the value of holding on to others. Try it sometime.


Trump Organization Considering Sale Of Washington, D.C., Hotel

Ya can't escape to Russia for political asylum without first liquidating all your U.S. properties, yes. [from the best-selling Cash Travels Lightest by Howard Twoduck D'Law]


Firm with ties to Trump’s brother gets $33 million government contract

What a surprise.

The financier Michael Milken is an investor in a property that became eligible for a tax break after his friend Steven Mnuchin intervened. - Treasury officials said they were troubled by Mr. Mnuchin’s actions to bend the rules.

What a surprise.

Microsoft Wins $10 Billion Pentagon Contract, Thwarting Amazon

Ya see: This is the 'acceptable' traditional political corruption. If Trump had stuck to just this type of corruption he wouldn't be in the trouble he is now.

Amazon’s challenge to massive Pentagon award cites videos that mark potential influence of Trump

U.S. Watchdog Backs Bezos' Protest Over Key Pentagon Launch Program


Trump decided to leave troops in Syria after conversations about oil, officials say

Say Trump told them his Syria policy was: "F*#k people, protect the cash!" [It's obviously also his policy about Americans. And about just about everybody else, for that matter.]

Esper: US troops, armored vehicles going to Syria oil fields


“Many Trump allies are concerned and don’t understand the strategy of not filing an injunction,” said Jason Miller, a Trump ally. “It’s a head-scratcher.

Dear Dandruffed People: I'm sorry, but what bank robber or stick-up thief files an injunction to stop the cops?! None. What criminals do is either shoot it out or try to flee as fast & as far as they can. And now you know why Trump hasn't filed an injunction, for God's sakes, and is instead desperately trying to shoot it out with the cops trying to chase him down, or fleeing into wild blithering blow-ups to attempt to lose'em in the fog.]


Pelosi says Trump notified Russians of Baghdadi raid before telling congressional leaders

Shut up: Trump knows who his overlord is.


Trump has a gift for making each new misdeed feel like something we already knew

Translation: Trump is on a crime spree the likes of which this nation has seldom seen. And it's got the cops coming & going, not knowing where he'll strike next. But, as tragic as it all is, ya gotta admit it's hilarious!

If Donald Trump were just doing stand-up now he wouldn't have half the cops in the world after him, he'd have none of the problems he now has, and he'd have the unmitigated success that he's longed for all of his life (unsuccessfully). Unfortunately he's just too stupid for success, let's face it. And no matter how much he tries to cheat is way into it or to buy it.


White House Denies John Kelly’s Impeachment Remark: He Can’t Handle Trump’s ‘Genius’

If nothing else the Trump ego's lickspittles of this White House can certainly give you a good laugh now & again, I'll give'em that. [Although it also makes painfully obvious that The Donald should have been under some serious psychiatric treatment for a long time now.]


Trump’s Public Lands Chief Wrote For A Cult Extremist’s Magazine

Should we be surpised?

President Trump may have violated criminal provisions of the Hatch Act

What a surprise.

Is Trump repeating one of the worst foreign policy blunders in history?

What? You have to ask?!

Trump Boasts He Called On U.S. To Kill Osama Bin Laden Before 9/11. He Didn’t.

What a surpise.

Trump abandons proposing ideas to curb gun violence after saying he would following mass shootings

What a surprise.

Trump Keeps Picking Unqualified People To Be Lifetime Judges. Republicans Don’t Care.

What a surprise.

Chicago Police Boss: Trump Made Up Cop Who Claimed He Could End Crime In A Day

Who might have guessed.

Trump Posts Faked Photo Of Him Giving Medal To Hero Dog

Should anybody be surprised he'd do this?

In his national address announcing that US Special Forces had killed Baghdadi, President Donald Trump commended Turkey while turning a blind eye to Turkey’s collusion with ISIS.

What a surprise.

Trump said smugglers couldn’t cut through his replacement wall. Then they did.


$16.8 Million In Campaign Funds Went To Trump Businesses, Latest Records Reveal

O, what a surprise it is.


Trump Said Baghdadi Died ‘Crying,’ But Top Officials Don’t Know Where He Got That

Oh, I think, everybody knows by now most of what Trump sez he gets out of nowhere in the world but his own self-echoing head.


Analysis: Does Trump trust Putin more than Pelosi?

Does Frank Nitti trust Al Capone more than Eliot Ness?


Devin Nunes: Reporters Asking Me Questions About Ukraine Scandal Are ‘Assassins’

And there! That was as low as Nunes's base character could go. So from here on out he'll only be able to go: "Gnagna gnagna gnagna!"


In Rare And Contradictory Concession, Trump Extends Work Permits For Many Salvadorans

Dude, look for a Salvadorean ironing his toupe (just the way Trump likes it), and another one starching his underwear 'just so.'


What Happens To Terror Groups When You Kill Their Leader?

You have to ask?! They diversify. [What happened when Osama bin Laden was killed--We got al-Qaeda AND ISIS because al-Qaeda lost its ability to control Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.] These people fight for a religious duty, not necessarily for a mortal leader. [Kill Ignorance and Superstition instead and then success might really be almost at hand.]


Payday lenders discussed raising money for Trump’s campaign to fend off regulation, audio reveals

Apparently the Republican Motto for the 2020 election will be: "What'd we want? Corruption in every place every time!" [It's work for them before.]

State court blocks current House districts in North Carolina for 2020 elections


Analysis: Why the name of the ‘beautiful’ and ‘talented’ dog from raid is still classified

Because the dog was named Meathead after Trump.


Trump keeps lamenting no one heeded the bin Laden warning he didn’t actually give

"Don't bother him: He's practicing for when he's in the rubber room at the asylum."

Trump urges fellow Republicans to defend him on substance

"Told ya he was crazy."


What will the House impeachment inquiry resolution actually do?

Make the Republicans switch to whining about something else.


Why Trump insisted that the obviously incomplete rough transcript was, in fact, ‘exact’

1) because he's a liar


Trump Jr.: I Wish I Was Hunter Biden So I Could Profit From My Dad’s Presidency

The nut never falls far from the source of all nuttiness.


Man Sticks Cannabis In His Nose, Forgets About It For 18 Years

He should have stuck it up somewhere else. That way he would've surely gotten rid of it sooner.


When should Republicans jump ship?

Oh, they're trying to jump ship. But Trump's Titanic still has too many base lifeboats to let them do it.


What would be impeachable in Republicans’ eyes?

In the case of Trump ONLY if he raped one of their daughters on Fifth Avenue. Maybe. ["Day job or daughter? Mmm..."]


Thursday’s updates: Trump wants ‘fireside chat,’ says he’ll read rough transcript of Ukraine call on live TV

The program will be titled Trump's Fractured Fairy Tales and will be followed & preceded by episodes of The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. [I can't wait!]


The Trump brothers’ claims that they no longer profit from foreign deals

In the Trump brothers’ defense: "Trumps always think that lying about something will make it the truth."

To Beat Trump, Focus on His Corruption


He helped write Indonesia’s strict adultery laws. Then he had an affair and was publicly flogged 28 times.

No! No! I wrote: "to 8 times" not "28 times!!!"


Trump says Chad Wolf now acting Homeland Security chief, adding to confusion about transition

Sure, why have Congress vet (confirm) the president's cabiner members? It just gets in the way of a president surrounding himself with personal servants & lickspittle lackeys who will obey him and not the law. And what better way of having a president BE the law then!


When should Republicans jump ship?

No worry there: The rats are already holding meetings about it.


Degas had a gift for conveying truth — even when he made it all up

And Trump has a gift for conveying lies even when he's talking about the facts. So what!


What I Learned When I Stabbed Myself 52 Times

1) No matter how many times you've stabbed yourself the next one always hurts just as much. [from the best-seller For Those With No Brain]


Conan the dog is a hero. But Trump is using the canine for attention.

What a surpise.


She Raised Her Credit Score From 560 to 730 In 2 Years. Here’s How.

1) by being desperate to get herself into debt


Why Do Parrots Waste So Much Food?

Why don't you ask them--It's not as if they won't talk!


“I worked with John Kelly, and he was totally unequipped to handle the genius of our great President.” — Stephanie Grisham, in October

There is something obviously very wrong with a man who would insist that his employees call him a genius. Perhaps most especially of all when almost every action he takes is that of a very mentally diminished person and usually invariably ruinous.

Why is Trump so bad at economic statecraft?

"And when you refer to me call me Mister Genius. Remember that if you repeat a lie often enough it becomes the truth." [Yes. Mister President--I mean, Mister Genius.]

Mulvaney allies try to stonewall impeachment probe

Remember that you are trying to defend this man:

Trump Lied To Supporters About Something They Could See With Their Own Eyes - That time when Trump told supporters not to trust their own eyes: “Just remember,” he said in July 2018. “What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening.”

What kind of White House press secretary calls her boss’s critics human scum? Stephanie Grisham.

Apparently: "A rapist," on the other hand: "A rapist is not a rapist if he's a Republican. Get over it!"

"Live with it." [et al] If it's your daughter got raped: Ha! Ha!

Columnist E. Jean Carroll, who accused Trump of sexual assault, sues him for defamation

Dana Milbank: Slander is Trump’s last refuge


How our ancestors avoided distractions

They didn't pay attention to anybody. My grandparents still practice this.


A 4,000-year-old recipe decoded

1) pour water into pot
2) heat pot

It's the first known recipe for boiled water.


There Aren’t Enough Mental Health Providers. And Kids Are Paying The Price.

Ah! So THAT's why Trump keeps appointing people to his cabinet who are not mental health providers! [Search harder! This kid needs help.]

Trump’s false claim about what the Ukrainian president said about the U.S. ambassador


I Grew Up Hiding My Family's Shameful Secret. Here's Why I Finally Decided To Share It.

"We're really billionaires!"


Bye-bye, winless season (and maybe No. 1 pick) as Fitzpatrick, Dolphins stun Jets

Knew the Dolphins should have treated Fitzpatrick better! Now they'll have to live with The Revenge of Fitzpatrick.


Trump Becomes A Florida Man

As if Florida wasn't polluted enough already!


Amazon Predicts That These Will Be The Top Toys Of The 2019 Holiday Season

Funny, list doesn't seem to include my wife's Mightly Jamail toy.


Tiffany Haddish Poops In Her Cheating Boyfriend's Sneakers

"Yeah! That's the girl for me!" [Can't wait to hear what she does after she thinks you've used her toothbrush.]


UK reduces its terror threat level to 'substantial'

Same as with my obesity level.


Justice Dept. Asks for Identifying Details on Anonymous Author

Guys: You'll never find him--It's William Barr!


Principal, Teacher Suspended After Student Dresses As Hitler In Halloween Parade

"Now, who's a nice little Hitler."
"Awgh! Gimme der candy, ja!"


Milwaukee Mayor Blames Trump For Acid Attack On Peruvian-Born U.S. Citizen

It does look a little bit like Trump on the video: I wonder if anybody's asked Trump where he was at the time...

Mahud Villalaz said he was walking to a Mexican restaurant when a stranger threw acid on his face after asking, “Why did you come here and invade my country?”

Definitely sounds like something Trump would say.


Walter Mercado’s horoscopes and predictions will live on after death

He once predicted I would put on a shirt. And by Heaven: I did!


Flood followed by drought equals a good year for melons

If only they knew it!


CVS Clerk Refused To Sell Medicine To College Student With Puerto Rico Driver’s License

The failure of your education system dollars at work.


Latino or Hispanic? What's the difference?

La Tino isn't macho enough & Hispanic is his father.


This dog took a DNA test. Turns out he’s 100 percent endangered dingo.

"We thought it odd," its owner said, "the way it kept trying to take our baby out of the cradle."


One year out from vote, Trump trails Democrats by wide margins, poll shows

And may God grant that as Trump goes
so too will his GOP enablers also exit...

Critics Warn Trump, McConnell After ‘Blue Wave’ Victories: ‘You’re Next’


Flavor Bans Multiply, But Menthol Continues To Divide

I know I'd be a lot happier if everybody in the world didn't know I was all hosed down in Vicks VapoRub.


Paula White: Trump Once Dreamed Of Building A Crystal Cathedral For God

Sez Trump wanted to stand outside it and see if he could bust the whole thing up with a single well-thrown brick. [Makes sense for Trump.]


Virginia cyclist who flipped off Trump wins Loudoun County seat representing his golf club

Are you paying attention Lindsey Graham?

Graham won’t read newly released transcripts; White House plays down importance of Volker, Sondland testimony

Maybe Graham should start learning his ABCs.

Bombshell Impeachment Testimony Perfectly Underscores Lindsey Graham’s Hypocrisy

Even the officials who tried to do Trump’s dirty work knew it was wrong

"Trump suffered the greatest defeat in the history of the world!"


Trump keeps talking about ‘keeping’ Middle East oil. That would be illegal.

So, you're saying that that would be Trump then?


David Ignatius: Where is Mike Pompeo? He’s hiding in fear of Donald Trump.

"Pompy, what are you doing under that bed? Trump's been looking everywhere for you--Says he wants to have a screaming with you."


Rapper T.I. tells podcast hosts he takes his teen to the gynecologist to confirm her hymen is ‘still intact’

Leave him alone: Rapper T.I. should know if his kid's a ho or not.


The Senate must not legitimize the House’s sham impeachment

"It's every rat's duty to go down with its ship!" [Tattoo on a drowned rat found approximately 10 miles from where ship went down.]


More than 11,000 scientists from around the world declare a ‘climate emergency’

Meanwhile Trump is busy throwing out the pair of underwears he wore last night: "Dirty-assed moderfo---Where are my damn illegals?!"


A woman was found dead with bloody puncture wounds. Police blame her Great Danes.

Of course, we haven't heard from the Danes' lawyers yet.


President Trump’s lawyer Giuliani hires his own lawyers, as investigations mount

Sez he needs young lawyers because back when he went to law school lying was the truth & the law was whatever was illegal.


A bright blue Virginia leaves the Confederacy behind

Robert E. Lee must be turning over in his bed of coals.


How Trump’s foreign policy mixes religion with money

Guy, there might be money without religion, but there is no religion without money. Ask the nearest Evangelical. [And put some'm in th'plate.]


Prosecutor says Roger Stone lied ‘because the truth looked bad for Donald Trump’

Roger Stone claims he shouldn't have to go into details because the truth ALWAYS looks bad for Donald Trump.


Judge voids Trump administration’s ‘conscience rule’ letting health-care providers refuse to give care for religious, moral reasons

Satanists & evangelicals will no longer be allowed to let people die if they just like it that way.


Rick Santorum Tells Trump The Numbers Don’t Lie: You’ve Got A Problem

Trump tells Santorum not to worry--sez he can still cover over any number out there with his own infinite lies.

Testimony from Pentagon, State Dept. officials undercuts a key piece of Trump’s impeachment defense


Why do so many dads think it’s their duty to monitor their girls’ virginity?

And why are so many dudes interested in who becomes a member of their families? They should just take in any ole bum comes along.


How Walking Might Affect Our Sleep

1) getting hit by a car while crossing a street asleep will tend to give you nightmares


Growing Meat in a Lab That Doesn’t Look Like Mush

A lab that looks like a mush is probably stupendously contaminated: Growing meat is not the only thing I don't think I'd do in there!


House Republicans say envoy Gordon Sondland, Trump’s lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani and possibly acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney could have tried to influence Ukraine policy on their own, without direction from the president.

And that's why it is every American's patriotic duty to vote every one of these Republicans out before they do even worse harm to the country than they've already done.

Harvard Law Professor: ‘More Than Enough Evidence Now’ Against Donald Trump

Testimony from Pentagon, State Dept. officials undercuts a key piece of Trump’s impeachment defense


Judge orders Trump to pay $2 million to charities over misuse of foundation

That's the way to do it: Trump may not be bothered by personal insults, or even by being impeached & thrown out of office, but forcing him to make restitutions to the people he's cheated over the years (especially the American taxpayers) is what's really finally going to bring justice to Donald Trump. [Also maybe convicting him of a few of the countless felonies he's committed and making him think about that some years in the slammer.]


Book by ‘Anonymous’ describes Trump as cruel, inept and a danger to the nation

Trump relieved it didn't try to make him out worse than he is.

Trump has spread more hatred of immigrants than any American in history

In scathing manifesto, an asylum officer blasts Trump’s cruelty to migrants

Leaked Stephen Miller emails suggest Trump’s point man on immigration promoted white nationalism


Trump calls whistleblower ‘a disgrace to our country’

Sez that he & he alone is the country. [Sez 'rest of it all' is just stuff to be bought & sold for whatever he needs or wants.]


House GOP looks to protect Trump by offering up deputies as fall guys

Makes sense: In the Mafia (trickled down to the GOP from Al Capone's St.Valentine's Massacre, etc.) the Anonymous Writer is in there somewhere, so if you machinegun them all you're bound to kill him or her too. [But wouldn't it be something if after the massacre Anonymous turned out to be Ivanka--I mean, who knows Trump better than she?]


Trump said that the House should not be holding public hearings next week and suggested again that he would release a transcript of an April phone call that he had with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

Sez he has decreed scientific proof that what's good for the goose is NOT good for the gander after all!


Paul Manafort’s Former Son-In-Law Sentenced For Scamming Dustin Hoffman, Others

Wow! Trump's mafia-tentacles really do reach out far & wide.

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power

2 Rick Perry Cronies Reportedly Won Ukraine Oil Deal While Nation Sought U.S. Aid


Nikki Haley: White House Aides Asked Me To Undermine Trump To ‘Save The Country’

"‘Save The Country’?!" Nikki sez she certainly wasn't going to do that! [Maybe if they'd at least offered to throw in a coupla bucks.] In any case: Now you know who the backstabber was who informed Trump and got them both fired.


Spanish king travels to Cuba, sparking protests — and the killing of stray dogs in Havana

Apparently the killing of stray dogs is the official Voodoo ceremony for honoring kings in Cuba. Who knew, right!


If I Touched the Moon, What Would It Feel Like?

You remember that time you did all that LSD...


Trump complains of ‘2nd and 3rd hand witnesses’ in inquiry

Sez the ones that have 1st hand info: They're the only ones that really got him spot-on guilty as charged. ["So there!"]


The Technology 202: Reddit posters keep surfacing the name of the alleged whistleblower

Trump keeps trying to go after the whistleblower & it's like: "I wanna know who called the cops when I was robbing the bank!" Hey, stupid: Nobody cares who called the cops--What's important is that they caught YOU robbing the bank!!!! [And if Trump had a head on his shoulders he might be able to get that through it one day.]


Disney threatens to ruin the things that made Marvel Comics special

Splat scenes? I love those!


My Third Husband Is 102 Years Old. Here's What Our Marriage Is Like.

Paper. Paper, paper, paper. Mostly toilet paper.


Erdogan Will Have Fewer Friends Than Ever When He Visits The U.S. This Week

Although as long as Erdogan keeps that Trump Tower scheme sending Trump all that money under the table [for doing nothing more than just cashing the checks] we all know he'll have at least one friend here.

But what Erdoan is getting from Trump--That is plain enough for everybody with eyes to see:

Trump offers trade deal, sanctions workaround to Erdogan for better U.S.-Turkey relations [Plus...]


Turkey examining death of White Helmets founder

Suspect he wasn't wearing his helmet at the time.


Over 200 elephants starve to death in Zimbabwe

In related news: Europe further restricts the importation of elephants from Zimbabwe.


Shark attacks American diver off coast of Mexico

Does not say how shark found out he was an American.


The Accidental Invention of Play-Doh

"So, there I was one morning drinking my coffee while watching my kid merrily playing away with one of his turds, and..." [Bam!] Could it really have happened any other way?!


U.S. Held Nearly 70,000 Migrant Children In Government Custody In 2019

O how Americans would rise in protests all across this nation
if this ever happened to their children instead!

U.S. Has World’s Highest Rate Of Children In Detention: U.N. Study


I Got Kicked Out Of Starbucks For Brushing My Teeth. Here’s Why It Matters.

I feel for ya, brother. I got kicked out too (just for washing out my soiled underwear). We should sue'em! [I wasn't even splashing any of the other customers, for Heaven's sakes!]


22 Algerians convicted for waving Berber flag at protests

Does not say why it took 22 Algerians to wave the flag, but if this would have happened in Poland I'm sure it would have made a pretty good joke.


Greek government drops plan to criminalize blasphemy

Opponents of the bill said it was goddamn good news.


Trump just undercut his own spinners’ latest line of propaganda

What, again?!


Jim Carrey Cartoon Rips ‘Draft Dodger’ Trump On Veterans Day

You wanna measure Trump's seemingly unlimited shamelessness? Well, that's it.


The Democrats are moving left. Will America follow? 32 perspectives on the party’s dramatic turn

After every failure of the Right candidates of the Left think their day has arrived. Just as after every failure of the Left candidates of the Right think their day has arrived. And if the candidates of the middle ground don't see the light we will be forever doomed to failure after failure after failure...


Colin Kaepernick, still seeking a return to football, will work out for NFL teams Saturday

Really? I thought Colin was doing quite well working as a tap-dancer for Nike. Or something.


EPA pushes ahead with effort to restrict the science it uses to craft regulations

Sez their new Trump-appointed flunkies know more than all the scientists in the history of the universe put together (and then some). So it's better that they just make up stuff out their heads rather than fund studies & shit like that.


Woman Accuses Man Of Pouring Bucket Of Hot Diarrhea On Her Head

Man, even after all these eons and eons of painful mind-numbing evolution we are still monkeys! [That "mind-numbing" part there courtesy of the American education system.]


Trump advisers exploring income-tax proposal to cut middle class rate to 15 percent

And Trump sez not to worry: Sez that Ivanka & his boys will be more than happy to pay off the ballooning deficit loans later on... [Ha! Ha!]


Nikki Haley makes good points about never impeaching anyone ever

Rather, a much better point is the alternative to impeachment which is even at this moment taking place against President Evo Morales in Bolivia. [I wonder if that's what Nikki, Barr & the rest of'em have in mind for the United States too...?]

Evo Morales flees crisis-torn Bolivia after deadly clashes

Of course: The ole trash-the-joint-&-flee-as-soon-as-you-can trick. [Trump is now trying it out here in the U.S. of A.]


Fox News host Tucker Carlson is loudly ignoring impeachment. It ‘is not only dumb, it’s boring.’ While Sean Hannity runs the network’s anti-impeachment war room, Carlson will simply be talking about something — anything — else.

Sez that the duty of a news program is to make sure that the viewing public gets as little information as humanly possible about what the most important thing they should know is--Preferably none at all, in fact.

The case against Trump in seven words

Impeachment: How an overheard phone call could damage Trump

One of the defenses of Trump is — literally — a TV-cartoon joke


Hillary Clinton says ‘many, many, many people’ are urging her to run for president in 2020

Sez she's not interested in the economy, foreign policy or any of that shit--She just wants to stand on a national stage and scream out at the American voters: "I told ya so!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!..." [Until they drag her away.]


Turkish President Recep Erdogan Says He’ll Keep Releasing ISIS Fighters Over Sanctions

Erdogan then said that if it weren't for that he'd be releasing them for something else: He just enjoys helping out ISIS any way he can.


Before Joining White House, Miller Pushed White Nationalist Theories

Sorry, that should read: "Because Miller Pushed White Nationalist Theories He Joined White House." [Accuracy matters, you know.]


A recanvass is expected to preserve a Democratic challenger’s narrow victory. Will Matt Bevin concede?

"Never! Conceding after losing an election just makes people imagine they're living in a democracy: Bah humbug! Losing Republicans don't concede!"

Matt Bevin Concedes In Kentucky Governor’s Race

Also: You have to keep in mind that Republicans bluff lots more than they huff. [from the best-selling A Bluff Is A Lie By Yet Another Name.]


Aides are counseling Trump not to fire Mulvaney, as acting chief of staff changes course again

Question not shouted at Trump as he boarded Transit Bus One:

"Mister President! Mister President, are you going to fire Mick Mulvaney or are you still going to pat him on the back? After all, Kelly warned you not to hire yes men like little Mick who wouldn't keep you on the straight & narrow when you threw a tantrum about wanting to stick you foot into that pile of dung."


Trump: Wahh! I wanna stick it in! I wanna stick it in!

Mulvaney: Sure thing, Mister President. Here, let me help you stick it in there deep as it'll go. There ya go! How is it, Mister President?

Trump: Waaaaa... It stinks! It stinks!!!

Now he knows. [Yeah... Don't bet on it.]


Nicolas Cage Talks Bigfoot, Mythical Jaguars And Coming Back As A Whale

Sez he's also no longer a vampire ever since he found that he enjoys staring up at the Sun.


Erdogan Returned Trump's 'Tough Guy' Letter During His White House Visit

Sez it has too many grammar mistakes & misspellings. So he want Trump to write it over again.


Jeff Sessions Calls It A ‘Show Trial’

And is now claiming that "He'd gladly die for Trump!" [Sez he would have thrown himself under the bus had Trump not done it before he had a chance to do it himself!... to himself.]


House Republicans Did A Really Bad Job Defending The President

Is it possible that GOP Never-Trumpers arranged to put the creepiest-looking Republicans on the interrogation team to make Trump look even worse--as well as the poor creeps themselves they 'set up' there, of course...? [I mean: C'mon! Jordan & Ratcliffe...!?]


RNC Reportedly Plans To Hold Winter Meeting At Trump’s Doral Resort

Rudy Giuliani Jokes That He Has ‘Insurance’ If Trump Throws Him Under The Bus

Damn! Man, this Trump Mafia will probably forever go down as: "The Mobsters Who Just Didn't Give A Damn What The Hell The Cops Knew!"

Justice Dept. watchdog won’t let witnesses give written feedback on report about FBI’s Russia probe, sparking fears of inaccuracy

Justice Dept. watchdog tells Russia report witnesses they can’t give written feedback — then reverses course

Remember: You always have to keep in mind that Republicans bluff lots more than they huff. [from the best-selling A Bluff Is A Lie By Yet Another Name.]


Don Johnson Says Trump Stiffed Him On A Business Deal

In Trump's defense: The only real reason to ever do any business with Donald Trump is to learn to never do business with Donald Trump.


Trump brags that he’s helping patients access medical ‘miracles.’ He isn’t.

O what a surprise this is.


Over 75 Members Of Congress To Stephen Miller: Resign From White House Now

Wouldn't it be nice if at least 20 Senate Republicans said the same to an ever bigger criminal there!


Cows Swept Off Coast During Hurricane Dorian Survive 'Gilligan's Island'-Style

The re-mooot features only Ginger, Mary Ann & Mrs. Howell. Republican chickens are already crying fowl [sic.] on more lesbianism.


Twitter Users Wonder Why Rep. Devin Nunes Keeps Bringing Up Trump Nude Photos

Leave him alone! Nunes is probably a conscientious enthusiast or a serious collector of the stuff.


Critics Fear Ohio Bill May Allow Students’ Religious Beliefs To Trump Facts

However, it must be wonderful for students to be able to give whatever answers they believe in school instead of having to study hard to find out what the answers are. It will certainly make for much higher scores!

"When was the world created?"
"You got it!"


Céline Dion Celebrated Her New Album By Surprising Fans At NYC Drag Bar

However, a couple of patrons were heard to say it wasn't necessarily the best Céline Dion they've seen there.


With the successful onside kick now a relic, the NFL will reconsider the fourth-and-15 proposal

What I would really like to see is the NFL completely eliminating playing games on the field and instead turning the whole thing into a Poker or a Bridge tournament. [They could still keep the cheerleaders, of course.]


A baby died after an officer crashed his Corvette at 94 mph, investigators say. He won’t face charges.

But the mother of the baby was arrested for murder because the baby seat was not properly secured! [I'm gonna have to start living in my cement box safe room down in the basement: I wouldn't want to be charged with my own murder if a gang of home invaders killed me while watching TV in my living room and went free BECAUSE I wasn't in my cement box!]


Why did Myles Garrett snap?

Because it was not the first time, nor was it the second time, nor the third time [...] he's only gotten a slap in the hand for snapping. In fact, it's almost as if the powers that be set him up to do his worst. You know, just like they 'set up' Trump and almost every other bad actor out there.


Trump Hails New Farm Aid Billions As Report Reveals Money Helps Wealthy, Southerners

What a surprise.

Trump Retweets Son Eric’s Promo Of Their D.C. Hotel, Infuriating His Former Ethics Chief

O what a surprise this is.


Zut alors! The Americans who are farming snails

Americans or Alabamians, it's still some'm else for snails to be farmers! And... one more:

Arizona Deputy Placed on Leave After Tackling 15-Year-Old With No Limbs


William Barr’s ‘Authoritarian’ Trump Defense Triggers Calls For His Impeachment

And Barr's persecution of Americans in the intelligence community just for working to protect our country doesn't?!?


Roger Stone should be a footnote in history. Instead, he shows our descent.

All the way back to the Stone Age: It was almost as if it was his personal destiny.


Republicans Will Never Be Convinced Trump Did Something Wrong

Sorry. That should read: "Republicans Will Never Be Convinced To Admit Trump Did Something Wrong"


Sen. Johnson says whistleblower’s sources ‘exposed things that didn’t need to be exposed’

Quoting one of the bank robbing gang members. [Whose name also just happens to be Johnson.]


Trump To Kim Jong Un: Joe Biden Is ‘Somewhat Better’ Than A Rabid Dog

Should it surprise anyone that these two have a somewhat similar point of view?


Trump undergoes tests at Walter Reed hospital as part of annual physical, White House says

I smell a face-saving resignation excuse from the kid whose mommy isn't around anymore to write him notes to his teacher excusing him from class.

Trump’s health under scrutiny again after unplanned visit to Walter Reed

Are there head-shrinkers over at Walter Reed--?

Trump is ‘healthy as can be,’ White House press secretary says after doctor visit

Does not say 'as can be' exactly for 'what' but now we'll have to see Bill Barr going after the doctors at Walter Reed who wouldn't play ball!

William Barr’s chilling defense of virtually unlimited presidential power


In a battleground town, sharp divisions over impeachment but few changed minds

Love it! It's like watching a skit about somebody holding dog shit in the outstretched palm of his hand:

"Sir, that's dog shit you're holding there."
"No it's not."
"Smell it."
"I don't have to."
"Sir, I can smell it all the way from out here: It is dog shit. Look: There's the dog right there."
"Trump? My dog don't shit."
"You're not a shit collector, are you?"
"I don't owe you any explanations."
"All right. Have a good one."
"What do you mean by that!?"
"Nothing. Not a thing." [Especially not with a guy holding dog shit in his hand like that.]


Zelensky said in September that he didn’t feel “pushed” on his July 25 call with Trump, in which Trump demanded “investigations” that would help him politically.

Which is like Al Capone waking into a bar in Chicago and saying to the bartender: "I would like you to do me a favor, though--" And then the bartender telling the cops afterwards he felt absolutely no pressure what-so-ever: "I could've slapped Al around & thrown him outta the bar if I'd felt like it," (or so say the Republicans about Zelensky & Trump).

Dude, how many times Old Man Fred Trump must have told Donald NOT to talk up his crimes when the cops are listening? [See? This is why ya just gotta slap your dumbest kids up the side of the head every now & again: So they don't grow up stupid as Trump.]

Trump learns that fake charities are tons of fun until you get caught

"Imagine President Trump’s surprise upon realizing that a charity bearing his name did not mean the money belonged to him."


Did Someone Just Fart On Live TV? You Be The Judge Of MSNBC’s ‘Fartgate’

Perhaps Trump trying to distract us from impeachment.


Islamic Jihad said Abu el-Atta, 42, was undergoing “a heroic act” when he was assassinated.

Although Islamic Jihad said the act involved his wife, who was also killed during the act, they did not say why the act was heroic. [Romeo & Juliet all over again, I imagine, only with mountain climbing involved.]


Key Witness Exchange Reveals Trump Did Not Care About Corruption At All

Gee. What a surprise.


A new generation of portraits asks: Can you see these people?

Have they made an appointment with my secretary?


‘Disgusting’: Nikki Haley And George Conway Go At It On Twitter

If George Conway is finally leaving his wife I think he can probably do a lot better than Nikki Haley (who might be a better match for Stephen Miller, say).


Civil Rights Groups Call For Trump To Fire Stephen Miller Over White Nationalism

Trump sez that with all the impeachment trouble he's having at this time he's grateful for the laugh. [But, sure, he'll file this away so when he gets to Stephen Miller's turn he'll have at least one reason for throwing him under the bus.]

And now for a Stephen Miller childhood flashback:

The Lone Ranger: "Hi-Yo, Silver! Ole!"

Tonto: "Now me start to suspect reason Kimosabe wear mask is maybe him illegal Mexican immigrant."


Should I stop eating hamburgers?

While you shower: Yes.
While you're sleeping: Definitely.
While you're president & rich and friends & family around you are constantly trying to poison you: Maybe.


Indiana Cop Fired After Stopping Black Patrons For Looking ‘Suspicious’

Sez he would follow them around until they became suspicious of him and then BAM! he had'em. [Sez he now wants to patent his technique.] Patent was denied, however, as the Patents Office sez police have been doing this since the invention of cops.


Sondland’s bombshell testimony leaves Trump’s GOP allies scrambling

As the Truth oozes out Trump and his hopelessly haplessly crooked Republicans have been sliding their lies down deeper & deeper in a kind of never-ending, "Yeah, but... here's the new lie for that," and on & on until it seems as if there is no bottom to their drowning depravity, nor can there ever be!

Sondland was devastating. But Republicans don’t care about the facts.


7 Names That Have Been Blocked By U.S. Courts

1) Whiner
2) Jesuschrist II
3) Modrsuker
4) Ityurshit
5) Vagina
6) Wafflebutt
7) Scaramucci


Trump learns that fake charities are tons of fun until you get caught

Trump used his "charity" funds as if they were his to buy himself stuff; and then he used Congressional approved funds belonging to the American people as if they were his to shakedown Ukraine. And my fear is that he could conceivably sell Alaska back to the Russians next [as if it were his] if he's offered a price he likes. [After all, Trump & William Barr claim the president can do ABSOLUTELY anything he wants.]


Sondland implicates Trump in quid pro quo, says Pence, Pompeo knew

What a surprise. [Heavens! Could it really be possible that most of the members of Al Capone's gang are mobsters?!?]


Tom Hanks just found out he's related to Mister Rogers

Tom wasn't as happy about learning he's also related to Adolph Hitler. [All the homo sapiens on earth are related.]


Judge halts scheduled federal executions, says Barr’s lethal injection protocol appears at odds with the law

William Barr at odds with the law: What a surprise.


Jim Jordan used to torment GOP leaders. Now he’s leading them in defending Trump.

So, essentially, he is leading them to their ultimate torment. [Ha! Ha!]


Impeachment hearings live updates: Trump calls Democrats ‘human scum’ as two more witnesses testify in inquiry

Sure, it is very understandable why Trump would be throwing out things like that, given that the Democrats pretty much got him in the toilet.


Police Ledger:

Undocumented immigrant didn’t have a license when he drove a forklift in a fatal crash

Immigrant claims he didn't need a licence because a forklift is not a vehicle but a tool (no different than a toothbush).

When cops pulled over a red light runner, they caught a bigger fish than they thought

Does not say why the cops were thinking of fish. [Perhaps it was getting close to lunch time.] Nor why the guy was running with a fish (which would've been nice to know).

Bank robber accuses police of illegally using Google location data to catch him

Sez he played by the rules (robbing the bank) and the cops should have also played by the rules trying to catch him. Judge's decision to follow.


Lindsey Graham Begins Investigation Into The Bidens

"Attention Kmart Shoppers: Somebody call the fumigator: We have a rat."

No Holds Barred: Lindsey Graham blocks recognition of Armenian Genocide


Explaining the bond between Trump and white evangelicals

1) white evangelicals are "religious purists" who certainly wouldn't want "different folk" renting with them in Heaven from a landlord who is obviously also white (check: Michelangelo)

[Trump you know.]


The GOP says Trump was fighting corruption. He hasn’t done that anywhere.

In Trump's defense: His personal dictionary does define 'business' as 'corruption' AND 'corruption' as 'business.' [Subpoena it & see.]


A GOP Ambassador Destroyed Republican Talking Points On The Ukraine Scandal

Fiona Hill really impressed me with her presence and authority--Clear on the other side of the spectrum of Sondland (who is obviously just an unscrupulous big dumb clown). Exactly the sort of dishonest dupe that mob bosses use to carry out their dirty work for them & then get dumped in the East River somewhere so they won't talk (like Sondland obviously now did). No wonder Trump picked him for all this! Only I betcha Trump regrets bigly having run for president instead of organizing his mob up in Brooklyn (where he would've been able to put out proper hits on his dupes & enemies instead of just having to constantly smear & insult their character like some cheap conniving little hussy who's been betrayed).


Kentucky governor’s stay at Trump hotel could carry legal implications for president - The Justice Department, which is also defending Trump in the cases, declined to comment.

The Justice Department, charged with prosecuting crimes, now defending the criminal! If William Barr doesn't go to prison for a long long time then there is no justice left in these United States of America.


Trump says he might veto bill protecting human rights in Hong Kong to pave way for China trade deal

Cash is more important than people, then, in Trump's philosophy?

What a surprise.


How To Write A Bestseller: GOP Spends $95,000 Buying Book By Donald Trump Jr.

Said it was still cheaper than buying firewood from The Donald Trump Coal & Wood distributor.


Penn State Child Sex Abuser Jerry Sandusky to Seek Reduced Sentence

Sez all of his victims only reached up to here. Therefore.


Republicans have a new enemy: Truth itself

Sure, I know it is tempting & reassuring to imagine Truth always wins out in the end, but lots of times too the end is far earlier than the Truth. [from the best-selling Why We Must Fight For The Truth]


At this Chinese hotel, the bellhops have been replaced by talking robots

Hotel owners say that there just aren't enough workers in China.


Should man-eating tigers be killed?

Not unless an equal number of those that eat women are also killed too. At the least. It's only fair.


It Took Me More Than 6 Weeks To Figure Out I Was Pregnant -- And I'm A Doctor

Damn it!!! She's my doctor!


Dog Puts Car In Reverse And Drives In Circles For An Hour In Florida Cul-De-Sac

Pooch told the cops it was trying to drive to the store for some hooch but discovered that dogs have this thing about not leaving their owners.


‘Oh My F**king God’: Elon Musk Stunned As Windows Crack On His ‘Bulletproof’ Cybertruck

Claimed he saw God in a local bar looking for a hook-up. (Then the windows exploded.)


Catholic Church Pressured Sex Abuse Victims Into Unfair Settlements: Lawsuit

But then The Church asked for forgiveness from God immediately after--so they're okay (according to Catholic doctrine).


Republicans Insist That No, Really, Trump Cares Deeply About Corruption Everywhere

Insist that The Donald eats and breathes corruption. That Trump needs corruption to live like kids need to talk out loud at the movies.


We know what happened. Now it’s time to compel Republicans to refute it or condone it.

Could the Senate Convict Donald Trump? Here's What Mitch McConnell Worries About

Mitch McConnell won't allow bills Trump won't sign to be brought to the Senate floor for a vote? So wouldn't it make sense then for Pelosi to just keep the House Impeachment inquiries & investigations going until the Senate Republicans tell her they're ready to convict Donald Trump? [I'm sure there's gotta be lots more witnesses out there willing to come testify.] Bolton sez he's ready. And when Trump starts throwing cats out the window at people a lot of others will probably think their time has come too.


Impeachment hearings live updates: Trump says Democrats ‘looked like fools’ during public hearings

In unrelated news a Hollywood producer has offered contracts to Representatives Jordan, Nunes and Ratcliffe to appear in a series of hard-hitting gangster flicks he's planning. [You guess who's playing the crooked district attorney, the dirty cop, and a slimy serial murderer.]

Giuliani Crony Can Detail Nunes’ Meeting With Ex-Ukraine Official To Get Biden Dirt: Report

Records Back Claim That Nunes Huddled With Ukraine Prosecutor Ousted Over Corruption - Giuliani said on Fox New that he doesn’t believe Nunes met with Shokin. But “if he did, there would’ve been nothing wrong with it,” he insisted.

So, basically, Giuliani is hedging in case everything about the Nunes crimes comes out like all their other Trump crimes have come out. [from the best-seller Great Criminal Lawyers With Their Hands Dirty]


Trump Says Had Lawyer Giuliani Work on Ukraine Because He Is a 'Great Crime Fighter'

Trump wasn't able to explain why if Rudy is such a great crime fighter he and everybody in his administration aren't behind bars, though. [As well as Rudy.]

Life-long criminal Trump is like a nudist who goes to a local store naked because he doesn't understand that the world outside his nudist colony doesn't see that as anything other than utterly outrageous. ["A felon? Moi?!"] That's why he's so easily caught out in the daylight breaking the law.

The latest defense of Trump is a total scam. Republicans just confirmed it themselves.

Nunes’s ‘carousel of allegations’ all contain impeachable acts

This is what Ukraine’s ‘interference’ looked like, according to Republicans

Ukraine’s Zelensky is making headway against corruption. But the fight risks angering Trump.


Former Ethics Chief Slams ‘Preposterous’ Trump Fundraising For His Senate ‘Jurors’

Give it up: This gang of elected Republican operatives are all hardcore crass opportunists who only respond to naked bribes. Trump knows this. And it's high time the rest of America realized it too--So, my friends, if you want to get anything from these Republicans you're going to have to find out "what's it gonna take," (or how much); and then see if it's worth it to you slipping'em a higher bribe than Trump is offering them right now.

Yes, Congress should be talking about the president and bribery

Greg Sargent: Trump’s GOP defenders cannot be shamed. It’s time to try this instead.


I used to hate Mister Rogers. Then I discovered how much I needed him.

Me too, but I occasionally caught the odd episode here & there of Mister Rogers because I always shunned drugs of any kind and seeing mental health specialists just takes too much time out of one's life! One episode here & there is all it usually took to pretty much bring me back to normal.


In Nagasaki and Hiroshima, Pope Francis says it’s ‘immoral’ to have nuclear weapons for deterrence

Pope sez we should only have them when we want to go on the offensive.


Man found in apartment 'died three years ago'

Man told the cops that's when he turned on his TV.


China says self-confessed spy defector is fraudster

This is China's way of confirming that he's the real McCoy.


Elon Musk: Cybertruck windows would have been unbreakable if not for the sledgehammer

Same thing for my ham & eggs: They would have been undigestible except for the fact I ate them.


Carolyn Hax: My boyfriend and I never fight. Is that a problem?

Of course I can't speak for the woman. But for the man: That's Paradise.


Most animal cruelty isn’t a federal crime. That changes Monday, when a bipartisan bill becomes law.

Does that include cockroaches? Because I live in South Florida and cockroaches are the real tenants here & people only squatters! I mean, if it becomes a federal crime to kill'em then we might as well start paying'em rent.


Lindsey Graham Says White House Told Him To ‘Please’ Block Armenian Genocide Resolution

Sez Trump assured him that the Turks had asked the Armenians if they could 'Please' commit their genocide against them. So everything is honky-dory, I suppose. [from the best-selling Lindsey Graham: The Worm That Has Turned Again & Again & Again &?]


From 'Godfather' to 'Irishman', Mafia Is Gift That Keeps on Giving

On the other hand, the Trump Mafia deals exclusively on a strictly quid pro quo basis.


Time to call out and remove Putin’s propagandists

I wonder if Trump now knows that he is Putin's patsy?

I wonder if Trump ever will know that he has been Putin's patsy?

Trump’s impeachment trial will be a sham. Here’s how to blow up his lies.


Rick Perry Calls Trump ‘The Chosen One’ Sent By God To Rule Over Us

Sez that God told him this on his cell phone while he was dining on an Ukrainian outdoor cafe. And that everybody there will be able to verify this because God talks very loud and he had to hold the cell off away from his ear.

Did the Trump administration really expect a jury to criminalize basic human kindness?

It’s a good bet Trump pardons his felon allies. Here’s when that’s most likely.


Ex-Press Secretary Sarah Sanders: ‘I Don’t Like Being Called A Liar’

Claims she likes being one, though. Even if she doesn't like being called one. [Sez she is a very honest liar.]


Mired in trench warfare, Trump makes up poll numbers that show him winning handily

Yeah. No, what really worries me is that Trump is also quite likely to make up election results that show he has won handily. And that Republicans will then also applaud Trump's sinister self-dealing delusions as they have applauded all of Trump's other sinister self-dealing delusions up to now.

Michael Gerson: Republicans’ motivations are all out in the open

Sen J. Kennedy (R-LA) says that he "feels it's unconscionable" [that Pelosi in not a good tap dancer or something] but that he does not find it unconscionable in the least that Trump tried to rig our American election for President! And that pretty much says it all about the Republicans.

For aiding Trump’s abuse of power, the GOP deserves to be voted out of existence

A lot of people seem to be saying that "the jury has already acquitted Trump" (that his base is not moving but doubling down). But the jury is not Trump's unmoving Republican base alone [so do go ahead and feel free to call Trump's Republican base stupid, dumb, dupes, co-conspirators, or whatever other quite justified insults you'd like to throw at them]: Trump's Republicans do have the say as to whether Trump gets away with it or not--But that is not the same thing as saying that they are the jury: The jury are the American People.

The real jury are the American People. And if Trump's Republicans decide to stick with Trump then they shall all eventually find themselves sitting together at the dock to be judged along with him when they all at last face the American People, their ultimate jury, in the election. And right now Trump does not look anything remotely close to innocent in any of this.

When it comes to Ukraine, Trump’s alleged misdeeds go beyond quid pro quos

So, no: The trial in the senate will not be the political trial--it will be the trail on the evidence. And if the Senate Republicans decide to ignore the evidence they will be saying to the American People that they want to be complicit in Trump's scheme to fix their election.

That election it the one that will be the political trial, and that's when Trump and his enablers & co-conspirators will be judged politically.

History will judge us all thereafter.


My Fellow Republicans, Please Follow the Facts

Ha! You didn't say "Pretty please".


The Cheapest Cities To Rent An Apartment In The U.S.

1) The one you're living in right now, as it'll cost you more to move to even the cheapest alternative.


Fears stolen Dresden jewels may be lost forever

On the plus side: It'll probably buy the thieves some nice stuff.


Please Stop Asking These Questions At Holiday Gatherings

1) Joe, you're still here?! I thought we were gonna eat a turkey?


FEMA’s Hurricane Aid to Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands Has Stalled

Trump sez enough with this endless foreign aid already!


Trump Denies Directing Rudy Giuliani To Conduct Ukraine Shadow Diplomacy

Sez he and Ruby will be going on a beautiful bus ride soon. He's just waiting for someone to introduce them.


China hopes Trump will be reelected: He’s easy to read

Dopes always are. And, unfortunately, more often than not.


How voting could get easier

One Trump = one vote. [Thank you, Republicans!]


Outgoing Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin Pardons Convicted Child Sexual Abuser

Sez damn namby-pamby Democrats are just too 'moral' to do it. So he did it himself.


Florida dog carjacks vehicle, drives in circles for hours

Carjacked driver told cops he kept asking the dog where he wanted to go but the dog just kept barking out orders like a madman.


A healthy man was licked by his dog. He was dead within weeks.

This is why I can't understand why they allow dogs to come to the hospital to play with the kids but they won't let me bring them my pet rat. [Igor doesn't bite most people.]


House Judiciary schedules first impeachment hearing as Trump claims he is protecting the presidency

Trump wouldn't protect his own mother if she didn't promise to pay him something for it.


Ex-GOP House Member Reveals What Republican Lawmakers Say About Trump In Private

Couldn't possibly be any worse than what they said in public before he was elected their monarch.


What’s stalling the self-driving car revolution

They're all parked at the DMV waiting in line for their license.


Republicans’ Big Lie About Trump and Russia

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it." --Joseph Goebbels

"A big lie (German: große Lüge) is a propaganda technique and logical trick (fallacy). The expression was coined by Adolf Hitler, when he dictated his 1925 book Mein Kampf, about the use of a lie so "colossal" that no one would believe that someone 'could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously'". [from the only best-selling book Trump ever read]

Witness testimony and records raise questions about account of Trump’s ‘no quid pro quo’ call

Trump’s big, ‘exonerating’ piece of Ukraine evidence takes a hit

Donald 'Don Farto' Trump sent foot soldier in his mafia Gordon 'El Sangandongo' Sondland to testify before Congress!?! Jesus! How many times Fred Trump must've told his son: One only sends out guys like this to put a hit on somebody (like he did on Zelensky) and then 'you make them disappear' --One does NOT send dumb stupid slobs like this to testify before Congress: No way in Hell they can ever keep their stories straight. But did The Donald listen? Obviously: No! He did not! [See: This is why Don Corleone wouldn't put Fredo in charge of his mafia.]

New revelations just wrecked Trump’s last remaining defenses

Tucker Carlson Calls Trump A ‘Full-Blown BS Artist’ And Admits He’s A Liar

Trump accidentally proves — again — that Republican defenses of his Ukraine/2016 request are empty

U.S. Senator: Republican Party Is Turning Into Russia’s ‘Most Important Global Asset’

We know what happened. Now it’s time to compel Republicans to refute it or condone it.

Nadler calls Trump’s bluff


AP Explains: Mexico president raises hopes, ruffles feathers

He's a turkey.


Trump’s talk of cease-fire appears to surprise Taliban, Afghan government

Surprise. Surprise. [Don Farto blows it out his ass again.]


Ukraine Aid Was Released After Federal Lawyers Said Trump Freeze Was Illegal: Report

When it comes to Ukraine, Trump’s alleged misdeeds go beyond quid pro quos

Pompeo says Trump’s debunked Ukraine conspiracy theory is worth looking into

Towards what end? Even if they were to be true, how does that excuse Trump's trying to rig the 2020 election in his favor!? Are they trying to set up the insanity defense for Trump? Is that it? Is Fat Pompy claiming that all the conspiracy theories drove Trump crazy enough to shakedown & extort Ukraine--and that therefore Trump should be sent to live in an insane asylum instead of to prison--Or, worse still, be totally absolved of all his wrongdoing?! Really, what is the GOP's end game in pursuing this insanity?!

’But you know, his grammar might have been right’: Lt. Col. Vindman bashed John Solomon in testimony

Pompeo says Trump’s debunked Ukraine conspiracy theory is worth looking into

Proof, if anyone needs proof, that Pompeo is lying through his teeth when he claims he wasn't in on Trump's shakedown of Ukraine.

Not enough Pinocchios for Trump’s CrowdStrike obsession

Chris Cuomo Baffles GOP Rep. With Harsh Schooling On Ukraine Conspiracy Theory


The White House Won’t Participate In Judiciary Committee’s First Impeachment Hearing

Now, now, I'm sure if they had ANY evidence they wanted to come out they would participate.


White House says it is considering tariffs of up to 100 percent on $2.4 billion in French imports

White House sez that's what Putin would do.

The Finance 202: Trump stuns Wall Street, foreign capitals with new trade fights

That's what Putin would do [to harm the West].


How to make sure your donated items aren’t burdening charities

Have somebody from the city dump take a look at'em: If they quote you a fee for trucking'em away chances are they'll be a burden on a charity too.


A bear was struck on I-66 in Manassas, causing delays

Reportedly it didn't do the bear any good either.


Mohammed bin Salman has learned nothing

Those who are given too much power invariably abuse it.


Italian politician offended after Holocaust survivor said Jesus was Jewish

Sez he's pretty sure Jesus was Samoan.


Firearms most lethal suicide method by far in the US

Even more lethal than jumping off the Empire State Building (because wind may blow you in through an open window on the way down).


Is the Bible right? Newly discovered fossils show snakes had legs

Is Trump right? Rabbits found to have long ears.


This man records each day of his life

Unfortunately it's always just variations of the same song: "Oooba-la-booba-la-baaba...!"


What is the best way to speed-read?

Judge books by their covers & leave it there.


Why do Estonian children start school at seven?

Because 40-year-old first graders just ain't right.


Tucker Carlson Finally Goes There: Backs Russian Invasion Of Ukraine

In Tucker's defense: He's a lot more open about it than the GOP (GOP = GOnePutin) American arm of the Russian Intelligence Service.

Russia to label some journalists 'foreign agents'

Putin sez this is in response to his Republican operatives being continually outed in the US. Sez he could even run out of GOP mules to ferry his Russia disinformation into the United States, for God's sakes. [Romney has already said he's not doing it anymore!]


Trump Gets A Stark Reminder About How He Knows Prince Andrew - Trump claimed not to know the scandal-hit British royal — but photos of them together prove otherwise.

What a surprise.


Placido Domingo Responds To Sex Harassment Claims: Spaniards Are 'Affectionate'

So are your fellow inmates in prison, and a stiff prison sentence should inform Placido of just how unwelcome the attention of affectionate others can really be. [Maybe he can even write an opera about this in prison.]


51-Year-Old MLB Great Blasts 3 Straight Home Runs While Smoking Cigar

Excellent! I will start smoking again as soon as I put the newspaper down.


Ex-Labor Secretary Reveals Who Beats Donald Trump To ‘Most Dangerous Politician’ Title

Moscow Mitch takes yet another lap for Putin by a nose. [Yes, it stinks.]


Elizabeth Warren Wants To Help Workers With Unpredictable Schedules

How are unpredictable schedules going to help workers?!?


I’m A Surgeon. Here’s What Happened When I Held My Patient’s Hand And Prayed For Her.

"F**k the priest! Get me a doctor!"


Facebook has floated limiting political ads and labeling that they aren’t fact-checked, riling 2020 campaigns

That might be the way to go: Tell the public that it's entirely up to them to determine truth from lies. [As it has always been, and will always be.] And, in any case, that if a political ad is not a lie then it's probably not a political ad.


A dozen reasons why Republicans’ impeachment defense makes no sense - Republicans have decided that the most corrupt president in U.S. history is an international corruption fighter.

Well, maybe perhaps it's because disreputable Donald Trump feels remorse about his own corruption and is now an anti-corruption superhero [Corruptman!]. Or, maybe perhaps it's because, since Trump's business is corruption, he is merely trying to eliminate as much of the competition as possible. [Watch whether this becomes a Republican talking point soon. Would it surprise anyone?]

How Trump’s boundless corruption keeps tripping him up in court

Trump Is the Founders’ Worst Nightmare


Mick Mulvaney’s Air Force One Outfit Becomes A Hilarious Meme: ‘Trump’s Caddy’

In Mick 'The Weasel' Mulvaney’s defense: Making Trump's caddy is a definite promotion up from his previous job keeping Trump's jockstrap warm for him.


The useful idiot from Louisiana

His usefulness: Proof that one doesn't need a brain to become a Senator. [There's hope for us all!... stupid enough to want to run for the Senate.]


Trump Abruptly Leaves NATO Summit After Video of Counterparts Discussing Him

Sez he kept hearing his thin skin cracking with pain under his underwear for mercy [for a poor unfortunate persecuted president]. And that he wanted to lift his spirits with his Mommy Melania back home enjoying all the hunger pangs outside the White House of the multitudes he ordered starved while they themselves ate a stupendous Christmas feast inside:

Trump Administration Cutting Off Food Stamps for Nearly 700,000


Republicans’ Witness Makes the Case for Waiting for More Evidence

Sez that if the Sun hasn't burned out yet then there's plenty of time still for a few hundred thousand more witnesses.


Barr’s handpicked prosecutor tells inspector general he can’t back right-wing theory that Russia case was U.S. intelligence setup

Barr doesn’t accept key inspector general finding about FBI’s Russia investigation

With all the evidence that has surfaced about Trump's attempts to rig the 2020 election and his extortion of Ukraine using American taxpayers' money as if it were his, one wonders why [so-called Attorney General of The United States] Bill 'Luca Brasi' Barr hasn't at least opened a preliminary investigation into the possibility that those crimes could have/might have been, you know: crimes?



Will add more later. SDR

REMEMBER: This page is my scratchpad: Occasionally items which are edited (relevant & checked for factual errors) will be incorporated into my Tricky Headlines series [others with be purged]. For example, THE BOOK ON TRUMP will never be finished until Trump is finished (and, hopefully, doing a long & well-deserved stretch in prison... or an asylum for the criminally insane). We'll see.

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These are all real headlines--I'm the one who's unreal.

DISCLAIMER: Note that my quips are almost exclusively all about the headline and the news articles themselves are in most cases irrelevant: Only because of the electronic nature of eBooks have I been able to include a [most convenient] search link to the actual news article... exclusively for the sake of those of you with a morbid curiosity (or a slow wit). But though I myself have read them, it is not really all that necessary that you put yourself through that too--unless, of course, you wish to find out whether my outrageous make of them might perhaps also be accurate (or just plain nuts).
S D Rodrian
PERMISSIONS: As long as you provide the appropriate citation of authorship and Copyrights you may use [just one] of the above quips. More than one and you gotta pay me through the nose for their use.*
S D Rodrian

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