When the news get too depressing these are the books to read.

Now, where can one find happiness? Always a good place to start is: anywhere a good, sound couple of laughs wash away the alternative, of course. And each of the Tricky Headlines eBooks holds hundreds and hundreds of laughs for the having. Here you can enjoy the hilarious, definitely not politically correct (PC) quips, comments, and invariably irreverent observations of/by S D Rodrian on today's news headlines collected in this ever continuing series of books intended most especially of all for the latest eReaders out there (each & every available tablet, computer, and iPhone you can buy).

In a world of serious, sad, and even quite tragic circumstances (a world in which about the greatest need is & always will remain the need for laughter), humor always is the point of departure here... ever the abiding goal of these forthright takes on today's so very truly tricky headlines.

S D Rodrian

[Below you can read some of their contents.]

Latter-Day-Musings / S D Rodrian
Barnes And Noble  Walmart  KOBO eBooks

Tricky Headlines 6 / S D Rodrian
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo
There is no better book to understand both the follies
and the folly of Donald Trump.

Tricky Headlines 5 / S D Rodrian
Happy Schadenfreudes to You Democrats & Republicans!
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Tricky Headlines 3 / S D Rodrian
The World Is Funnier Than It Lets On
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Tricky Headlines 4 / S D Rodrian
Sinful Pleasures of the Anti-Politically Correct
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Tricky Headlines 1 / S D Rodrian
A profound treatise upon the human condition.
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Tricky Headlines 2 / S D Rodrian
An Amusing Stare Into The Tragedies of Man.
Kindle eBook (Amazon.com)  Barnes And Noble  Walmart  Kobo

Continuing this flippant series of hilarious eBooks exploiting the apparent inability of the writers & editors of today's "Tricky Headlines" to compose clear, unambiguous copy--Puzzlement, amazement, outrage, and the humor of their folly, silliness, ambiguity, injustice, intent to deceive, along with all the rest of it. Intended for an adult audience (think of these items as comics without the graphics). Every collection suitable to be the ideal reading companion for any seated occasion.
eBook Image

Do buy my eBooks and help me to topple Bill Gates off the top of that swanky Forbes's list. eBook Image

What, you want to get bogged down in some inane novel written by a tiresome pointless novelist, or you wanna laugh at the stupidity of Man?

[You may preview these eBooks at Amazon.com]

       The Kindle Store

              The Perfect Gift
            for friend or enemy

       Click Here for S D Rodrian's eBooks at The KOBO Store.

       S D Rodrian's eBooks at Walmart


       Click Here for S D Rodrian's eBooks at Barnes & Noble.


You can a rate & review of the Tricky Headlines at Amazon.com, but note the two reviews already there: One verified purchaser of an ebook wrote a four star review saying he/she found it a "funny take on news" although cautioning it is not "very politically correct." While a reviewer named "Clara" (who doesn't appear to have bought the book) writes ungrammatically that "she" found its writing: "So. Horribly. Written. So poorly written. The world is dumber with this book’s publication” as if Tricky Headlines were Tolstoy and not standup--beside leaving one wondering how "Clara" could review a book "she" could never have read, of course. [Reads a bit like Trump, doesn't it.] But don't be a clairvoyant like "Clara." Buy a book and THEN review it.


  "Remember: If you don't want me to quip
    about you, just stay out of the headlines!



Russian Operatives Drank Champagne, Said They ‘Made America Great’ After Trump Win

Yeah. That pretty much sounds about right. [No surprise there.]


Why his fans think Trump has ‘great and unmatched wisdom’

Because Trump's wisdom (pretty much like theirs) has never really caught fire? [It's snuffed, dude. Stillborn snuffed.] I suppose this is 'great' maybe because that way it can't cause forest fires.

Luckily, Trump Is an Unstable Non-Genius


-- Former U.S. attorney Joseph E. diGenova, a frequent Trump defender, called whistleblowers “suicide bombers” and accused Democrats of “regicide” during a Fox News interview with Giuliani and Laura Ingraham.

Just like Trump himself, the Republicans who long to make The Donald our king don't seem to care any longer just how outrageously laughable they look: "They wanna kill our king!"


-- On Monday, the federal judge in the New York case dismissed Trump’s lawsuit seeking to block the Manhattan district attorney from obtaining his tax returns. Judge Victor Marrero broadly rejected Trump’s claim that a president cannot be investigated by any prosecutor, anywhere, for any reason. He said this position it “repugnant” to the concept that no man is above the law. “The Court cannot square a vision of presidential immunity that would place the President above the law with the text of the Constitution, the historical record, the relevant case law” or any other authority, the judge wrote in a 75-page ruling. “This Court cannot endorse such a categorical and limitless assertion of presidential immunity from judicial process.” The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit has issued a stay of the subpoena, pending Trump's appeal.

If it did, then a dissolute scofflaw like Trump would be above the law. And instead of seeking justice in Court we would all have to beg for the capricious blessing of The Donald (or, you know, purchase it).


At least 11 elephants died trying to save a calf that plunged into a waterfall and drowned

A well-known Roman Catholic witchdoctor said to me: "This is definitely a very clear message from Above to the GOP about its grim future."

He told me that a nominally [someone who was only a 'little'] Republican will lead 11 'major' Republicans over the cliff to their utter & complete destruction.

"Do you doubt it?" He asked my obvious look of secular skepticism: "The entire GOP establishment is corrupt, perverse, illicit. And like all such unscrupulous enterprises that live on society's improprieties it cannot last forever: It must either implode of its own inner-failings, rot, corruption--or it must be forcibly brought down for the Good of all." Then he said he didn't want to take my money on which it would be.

The Senate is likelier to remove Trump after impeachment than you think


Trump downplays U.S. alliance with Syrian Kurds, saying ‘they didn’t help us in the Second World War’

Cojone! [What else can ya say?]


Sorry Donald, The Term ‘Fake News’ Was Around Long Before You Although "fake news" was popularized by Trump during the 2016 campaign, the term actually dates back to 1890.

Yeah, but The Donald did invent the word 'the' (and Bill Clinton the word 'is'). Remember that!


‘Coup’ talk is proliferating on Fox as the impeachment inquiry ramps up

Is a television network protected from prosecution for incitement?


As Trump abandons Kurds, Israel worries how dependable he is

Don't worry: Trump will NEVER abandon Israel (unless he wants to).


Stephen Moore says Trump might say things that are untrue, but that doesn't make them lies.

Also sez that Trump is a man, but that doesn't mean he's not a woman.

Pentagon says United States not abandoning Kurds

Mmmm... how to interpret this? How to interpret this?...


Ukraine President Insists There Was ‘No Blackmail’ In Phone Call With Trump

"Yeah. And he better say that, see! And keep on saying it--if he knows what's good for him!"


The professor, the prime minister and the attorney general: Italy gets caught up in an unproven theory of Trump’s allies

"If you don't put your foot down insanity will spread like wildfire everywhere." --Smokey The Bear


Trump Defends Wife Of U.S. Diplomat Suspected In Death Of British Teen The president appeared to say he has also driven on the wrong side of the road in a foreign country.

Of course: Breaking the law used to be against the law. But that was long ago & Trump keeps saying that breaking the law is not a crime now.


Woman Accuses Donald Trump Of Grabbing Her Vagina Without Consent In Early 2000s

In Trump's defense: He's now claiming that as president he's protected from prosecution for any crimes he's ever committed throughout his entire life.


Want to live longer? Try getting a dog.

Longer than the dog? Get an old dog then.


Trump wanted Tillerson to help broker a deal to stop prosecution of a Giuliani client

What a surprise.


California Fire Caused By Burning Trash Destroys Dozens Of Homes

"Hey, at least I got rid of that pile of trash!"


In Impeachment Inquiry, Trump Insists He’s Above The Law

Enjoy Trump's free concerts now because once he's in the federal pen (or in some asylum) he's only gonna be performing his act for his keepers. ["Get the hose."]


The Rudest Things You Can Do On A Plane

Thank God there's a list! [I wouldn't wanna leave anything out.]


Jane Fonda Arrested At U.S. Capitol During Climate Change Protest

Her motto is: "If nobody offers you a role just take one up yourself."


Why Trump is flirting with abandoning Fox News for One America

Sez these days Fox News is not lying as much as he'd like them to.


White House talking points suggest a ‘serious danger’ Yovanovitch will reveal information without authorization

Sure. It's seriously dangerous to Trump. [That's why he doesn't authorize it.]


Disclosures suggest Trump’s White House politicized pretty much everything — and there are lots of witnesses

We investigated the Watergate scandal. We believe Trump should be impeached.

Trump must not only be impeached but everything he's stolen from the American taxpayers, from individual states, and from innocent victims of his financial self-dealings must be confiscated and properly restituted to them accompanied by any applicable fines & penalties. The other enablers & participants in Trump's crime sprees should also face their day in Court with penalties from public disgrace & humiliation to prison following all convictions... so that future generations of Americans who are called to serve their country may fully grasp that their loyalty is to all Americans and not just to any dissolute opportunist like Trump who happens to be their boss.

Trump and his whole entire corrupt crime family have defrauded banks, taxpayers, businesses (and untold others) and committed brazen acts of lawlessness & theft all of which must be prosecuted--And every single time a conviction is secured punished severely enough so that it will give pause to generations of future unmitigated criminal wannabes like them.

Those foreign business ties? Mr. Trump’s sons have plenty.

Appeals court rules against Trump in fight with Congress over president’s accounting firm records

At last the long arm of the law is slowly reaching into the White House and clawing at all the hoodlums who have wormed their way in there.

The Simple Reason Trump Does What He Does

Because as every law enforcement officer knows: no criminal can stop himself. And he will not stop until he is stopped.


Rudy Giuliani Reportedly Under Investigation For Links To U.S. Ambassador’s Recall

Trump says he doesn’t know if Giuliani is still his attorney

Translation: "Giuliani is waiting for a bus." [Rudy: "What? Donny told me to wait here because he was taking me for a ride."]

Trump defends Giuliani amid reports of federal probe

Mmm... could Giuliani have read the Riot Act to Trump in a recent phone call? I wonder. Rudy must have lots on The Donald for Trump to express this kind of public support for an underling. [Wonder why other underlings haven't leveraged their own piles of dirt?]


We’re still taking better care of banks than people

But, aren't 'we' people?!


Trump’s envoy to testify that ‘no quid pro quo’ came from Trump

It will all come out. It always does.


Hunter Biden to resign from Chinese firm’s board, won’t take foreign work if father wins election

Do I believe Joe and Hunter Biden are corrupt? If Hunter Biden had no qualifications for the position he got other than that [it appears] the Ukrainians wanted to influence his father then that is the definition of corruption; and if the Bidens argue the opposite then that is the definition of the corrupt soul. If Hunter Biden got his job when Joe Biden was no part of the American government, then that is the only way their situation escapes the definition of it being corruption.

Diplomat tells investigators he raised alarms in 2015 about Hunter Biden’s Ukraine work but was rebuffed

In the 2020 election it's less a matter of corruption as it is of Joe Biden's judgment and intelligence: How stupid do you have to be to not see that even with twice his qualifications if Hunter had gotten off a bus in Ukraine there's no way in Hell he would have gotten that job?

If Joe Biden really wanted the best for the Republic and not just for himself he'd quit the race now and work towards electing a Democratic candidate who is in the mainstream of the American electorate (for if the Democrats pick Warren or Sanders they might just probably re-elect an utterly reprehensibly corrupt Donald Trump).


The Finance 202: There's less to Trump's 'greatest and biggest deal' with China than meets the eye

What a surpise.


Analysis: Trump hands Putin another win

What a surpise.


Hong Kong protesters plead for American protection as police crackdown intensifies

Man, are these poor bastards living in a Trump bizarro world!


In the Middle East, there’s one country every side talks to: Russia

And if that doesn't get The Donald a Putin's okay for his Trump Tower in Moscow nothing will. [We'll see after his impeachment and Pence's Pardon.]


When Non-Black Minorities Wear Cornrows And Locs, Is It Appropriation?

Yes! And Africans wearing pants is also an appropriation. As well, for that matter, as native Americans and Hindus wearing only diapers (many babies have complained to me about this).


Kathy Griffin Slams Pro-Trump Video That Shows Her And Others Killed

Trump sez she started it. [Their parents later had to intervene and send them for a time out.]


Trump hits 13,435 misleading or false claims as day 1,000 draws near

When America really was great even one single lie used to be enough to convince people not to trust someone. [Them was sure the days!]


Research group that discounted risks of red meat has ties to program partly backed by beef industry

In their defense: In the Age of Trump the verdict of science is for sale. You know, like the verdict of the Supreme Court and most other courts soon will be (if it already isn't). Depending on how many judges Trump and the GOP has managed to pack into them.


Trump’s campaign manager calls impeachment inquiry a ‘seditious conspiracy’ as another witness testifies

Trump says ‘treason.’ His fans invoke violence. How attacks against Schiff are escalating online.

This is incitement pure & simple. And when no one any longer fears the law we must all fear everyone.

Violent spoof video of Trump killing his critics shows how memes have reshaped politics

"No. No. No," sez Trump: "We were only trying to desensitize people to going out & killing our political opponents, that's all."

Perspective: If Trump doesn’t condone violence against journalists, he should stop inspiring it


Trump talks tough on Turkish economy, but actions so far fall short

What a surprise.

Trump's sanctions won't bite a vulnerable Turkish economy "Turkey's currency and stock market both rose Tuesday as investors breathed a sigh of relief that harsher measures were not imposed. Timothy Ash, emerging market strategist at Bluebay Asset Management, called the sanctions "minimal" and "window dressing," noting that the trade deal was years off in any case." Josef Braml, head of the Americas program at the German Council on Foreign Relations, said that Trump appears to be trying to get ahead of calls for sanctions from Congress. Braml said that much may depend on what kind of understanding Trump reached with President Recep Tayyip Erdogan before announcing he would withdraw U.S. troops from the area, giving Erdogan a free hand. "He didn't sell the Kurds for nothing," Braml said.

What To Watch For: Erdogan & staff booking a few nights over at Trump's properties in Turkey.

And now you know for how few dollars Trump sold the lives, land, hopes & culture of the Kurds of Syria, once one of America's best allies--But, of course, I wouldn't say Trump would sell his own mother for a dime (because, frankly, I just don't know whether Trump would wait for a buyer to go that high), but--

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power


Google’s new Pixel 4 phone uses radar to see you coming

Excellent! And if they could also include microwaves I could cook my ear wax right off instead of having to constantly wash my ears!


What It’s Really Like Having — And Traveling With — An Emotional Support Animal

Ew, wat'cha gonna go. You married the galoot, didn't ya.


The first time sex was depicted in art?

Answer: That was how 'art' started in the first place.


Do elephants risk their lives to save each other?

No. Like us, what they really want is a closer look at somebody drowning. But, unlike us, their huge bulk tends to send them headlong into the pool as well.


The march that KO'd communism

Jesus! Just how skimpy were the majorettes' G-strings on those marching bands!?


Could bug burgers help save the planet?

Doubt it: I already eat plenty of bugs in my burgers & things are not getting any better.


NASA Conducts Spacewalk as World's 1st Spacewalker Dies

At least he died doing what he loved.


Only once has Gallup seen more support for removing a president. Nixon was gone four days later.

Dude, even if the poll goes all the way up to 101% they're still gonna have to send the Sheriff into the White House to drag out The Donald by the scruff of his no-neck kicking, screaming & yelling bitch.


Trump stuns British teen’s parents, says American in crash that killed their son is nearby and able to meet -- Harry Dunn's parents, who were visiting the United States, had no idea they were to meet President Trump, much less the woman who after the accident in Britain claimed diplomatic immunity and re to the United States.

Apparently just Trump doing one of the few things he's good at: Setting up a photo-op for himself.

Trump says his meeting with Harry Dunn’s parents was ‘beautiful.’ Their spokesman calls it ‘an ambush.’


Fourth defendant in Giuliani associates’ case arrested at New York airport

Oh, what, that wasn't Trump they arrested?! Jumped the gun I guess.


Analysis: Trump appears to confirm U.S. nukes are in Turkey, which would break with longstanding protocol

Of course: Now Putin will be able to apply more official pressure on the world stage to have the U.S. pull them out--Or justify Russia putting their up against Western Europe. Either way I can just see Trump Tower Moscow rising on the horizon.

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power


Mulvaney emerges as a key facilitator of the campaign to pressure Ukraine

Did anybody really think that Trump's right-hand man in his personal Mafia, Mick 'The Weasel' Mulvaney, would have had nothing to do with The Donald's Ukraine "drug deal?" ["C'mon, man!"]


Could Trump fire the whistleblower?

Watch out Trump doesn't try to fire the entire Congress soon. [No, I'm serious: Watch out for that!]


Sen. Elizabeth Warren is targeted by rivals for a second day as candidates seek a post-debate advantage

Is Elizabeth Warren now unbeatable? She certainly seems to think so: She's now claiming that she could stand out in the middle of Fifth Avenue and take off her top and that she wouldn't lose any voters. I'd have to see that. But we'll see.


Trump has awarded G-7 summit to his Miami-area resort, the White House says

Now Trump's machinegunning people on Fifth Avenue!?

But, in Trump's defense: He's never read a book in his life, has he. So it's very unlikely that he has ever looked up 'self-dealing' in a dictionary.

Although... judging from Trump's unfamiliarity with the English language, it makes me wonder whether he might not be some Russian look-alike planted by Putin to replace the real Donald Trump, how long ago it might have been done (and how much Putin's paying Trump's kids to keep it quiet); and whether Putin has the real Donald Trump still alive down in the bowels of the Kremlin being fed corn fritters & vodka to keep him happy...

A new report suggests Trump may have committed financial crimes

Never-Before-Seen Trump Tax Documents Show Major Inconsistencies

The world is staring at Trump, mouth agape


So That’s Why Your Bra Size Is Different From Store To Store

There was an ice cream parlor between stores.


How To Sleep Better On Planes

1) place yourself in a coma
2) ship yourself in a casket
3) have blood IV waiting on arrival


Zorica Rebernik, 67, loves red so much that she has a crimson-colored tombstone ready when she dies.

She'll enjoy that.


Senate Advances Another Trump Court Pick Rated ‘Not Qualified’ To Serve

What a surprise.


Trump says China will buy $50 billion a year of U.S. agriculture. That’s not what China says

What a surprise.


Venezuela wins a seat on the U.N. Human Rights Council

And now you know why the U.N. Human Rights Council is an abomination and should be abolished at once.


Facebook’s Zuckerberg tells The Post he fears ‘erosion of truth’ but defends allowing politicians to lie in ads

Sez it lines his pockets.


Mulvaney confirms Ukraine aid withheld in part to investigate Democrats

"Who knew Mick 'The Weasel' would become a rat!" Trump said. [Hint: Sammy 'The Bull' Gravano]

The Post’s View: Mick Mulvaney just told House investigators everything they need to know about Trump and Ukraine

It will all come out. It always does.


Turkey Agrees to Pause Fighting, but Not to Withdraw From Syria

Considering Turkey's achieved all its goals, I'd say that magnanimously agreeing to Trump's request is a win-win for Erdogan. Now Trump can proclaim that he 'commanded' Turkey to cease or else--which is pretty much par for the course for the poor slob.

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power

Ya'know, I wonder if Trump has ever had his IQ tested. It's possible that he's an imbecile and no one's ever mentioned it in his entire life because of his money. His father certainly treated him like an imbecile: Instead of slapping him up the side of the head, like: "Hey, stupid! You just lost ONE MILLION DOLLARS! Who does that?!" Fred Trump simply gave Donny yet another couple of millions to play with: "And try not to lose these so quickly, my boy." [That's how The Donald lost that billion, you know.]


My 5-year-old niece laughs at my ‘big belly.’ How can I put an end to this?

Show her you big ass: That'll fix her.


He wrote a novel about robbing banks — and he just got arrested for a real-life heist

In his defence: Ya writes what ya know.


What Happens When Employers Can Read Your Facial Expressions?

Then the sadists among them will certainly get to enjoy giving out those "whopping" 10-cents-an-hour raises a lot more.


Trump Takes Presidential Corruption To New Heights, Calls Everyone Else Corrupt

This is why they have nudist camps: So that the exhibitionist pervs won't have to feel embarrassed being seen walking around in the nude in front of children.

Trump thinks Biden pulled a scam in Ukraine because that’s what Trump would have done

The GOP’s new ‘defense’ of Trump actually makes the case against him


Gordon Sondland’s Testimony About The Trump-Ukraine Scandal Defies Belief -- He claims he didn't know Trump was targeting Joe Biden in Ukraine — but the evidence was on front pages for months.

This is why if this nation's soul is to be saved each & every one of these outrageous criminals has GOT to be put in federal prison as soon as possible.

What I would really like to see is a prosecutor ask in a court of law each and every one of these bums: "How could you NOT have known that what Trump was building was a personal Mafia at the heart of the American government?!"


Rick Perry Notifies Trump Of His Resignation

Wonder whether he did it in a tweet? [I would have.]


Trump on Turks and Kurds: ‘Like two kids in a lot, you’ve got to let them fight’

Wonder what he might have said of the Jews and the Nazis way back when.

In Chilling Echo Of Ethnic Cleansing, Trump Says North Syria Needed To Be ‘Cleaned Out’

“They’ve got a lot of sand over there. So there’s a lot of sand they can play with.” — Trump, on the battleground between the Turkish military and Syrian Kurds

International Experts Launch Probe Of Possible Chemical Attack By Turkey On Syrian Kurds


NOAA calls for mild winter but one with big mood swings

Yeah, but, is this what's going to happen or what Trump ordered NOAA to say was going to happen? Now there's really no way for us to know, is there!


Sacha Baron Cohen Nails The Problem With Zuckerberg’s Freedom Of Expression Defense

This is only partly correct thinking, as it overlooks the fact that although Facebook is a private concern it has the power to unduly influence both government and national interests, and because of that, Zuckerberg should try to ONLY police and outlaw, say... only those posts/ads which overtly/suggestively promote violence and hate:

People specifically go to Facebook to express their opinions, not to order a plate of linguine. Therefore the problem with Cohen's metaphor is that Facebook is not a restaurant: The correct metaphor would be whether the owner of a fancy restaurant would be right to tell some customers who went to his restaurant and ordered a meal he wasn't happy to serve them "to get the f**k out of his restaurant"...? No doubt he could do it. But, should he do it? Would he be right doing it? [Zuckerberg’s Dilemma]

A benevolent dictator makes for an indolent populace too lazy to stand up for themselves and be counted. This is why (except perhaps for quite egregious cases of incitement) I oppose censorship: Even as crazy as they are, the answer to Trump's pernicious poisons and offensive speech is not censorship but to inspire the rising voices of the sane to come drown out Trump's vile delusions--to force the righteous, in the face of a challenge to their own interests & survival, to force the righteous to rise out of that indolence into which benevolent dictators hypnotize them--This is the root of democracy (which will never bear fruit as long as people think they have a powerful benevolent dictator claiming to defend and protect their interests). Dictators only protect their own interests, just like everybody else.

The one thing do I agree with Cohen on is that, yes, Zuckerberg is not the government, and as a private entity there would be no violation of The First Amendment if Facebook censored Trump itself or, say, flooded Trumps' many nutty assertions with company counterbalancing posts and ads. Although it is pretty clear that even this will not happen: Trump is buying ads on Facebook because he thinks they're effective, of course; and if Zuckerberg did that Trump would immediately stop running his ads on Facebook... and as a private company Zuckerberg runs his business to make money. So Zuckerberg will see no profit in playing the role of benevolent dictator. Sorry.

‘Keep Fighting’ — Twitter Critics Celebrate Victory After Trump Dumps Doral For G-7

Free speech doesn’t mean Facebook must run dishonest ads

Nice. If there is a way we can all agree something is a lie, or better still prove that it is a lie with facts which no one can possibly dispute, then yes. But, unfortunately, until we mortals become gods we are condemned to argue out our different opinions... or worse still: to fight each other over them. And that is something which we can and must definitely avoid.

Unfortunately most opinions, even when we ourselves believe they are in agreement with the truth, are quite often also called lies by those who, unlike us, do not agree with them: How we might discern truth from lie is one of the eternal dilemmas of mankind. And probably always will be.


Who should throw the ceremonial first pitches at Nats’ World Series games?

Donald Trump. Maybe he'd hit somebody & finally get thrown out of something somewhere!


A woman lived in a van with more than 300 pet rats. Now they’re getting new homes.

That I don't doubt: If a homeless woman came to my home with 300 rats I'd jump out the nearest window and, baby, they could all keep the house with my blessings.


Duchess Meghan: ‘Not many people have asked if I’m okay’

Maybe you just don't have a history of asking many other people if they're okay. Have you ever considered that?


How a secretary of state with backbone handles an out-of-line White House

It's not backbone that's required here--it's ethics, honesty, morality. And no doubt mad Mob boss Trump picked Mike 'Fat Fart' Pompeo precisely because he knew that 'Fat Fart' Pompeo had none of those. Guy, quite the contrary: Donald Trump is actually looking for mob associates with the backbone to stay loyal to him even unto the death. [Ain't found many.]


White House says Trump resort will host G-7 at cost but doesn’t say how much that will be

Really?! Who doesn't know that means 'at cost to' everybody in the world except to Trump?!


This Photographer Wants To Capture The Beauty Of Fat Bodies

He's now searching for the right telephoto lens and a ticket to the moon.


But, I refuse to believe that the totality of the Republican Party system is corrupt beyond the possibility of contrition, that every single Republican senator would turn their backs on the country. Call me naïve. Or, call me hopeful for the future of the country writes Charles Blow.

I wouldn't be too cocky about believing that, Charlie. You forget the Civil War, when almost every Southerner alive his/her back on the American Republic just so a tiny handful of them could make money off human slavery. [Trump ain't riding a truck he built himself.]

ACLU says 1,500 more migrant children were taken from parents by U.S. than previously disclosed


Erdogan Says He Wants Nuclear Weapons

His mommy sez he will have to be satisfied with a little cho-cho just like all the other little boys.


‘I see women being on Mars just as much as men’

Wow! I don't think I'd be able to see an elephant on Mars even using the most powerful telescope on earth.


Where You Die Can Affect Your Chance of Being an Organ Donor

1) if you fall into bed and die: maybe
2) if you fall into a woodchipper: not


Trump irked his golf club will no longer host G7 --President Trump says finding another location for the summit will cost the US a fortune.

Sez he will need to charge the United States at least that much to point to it with one of his fingers.


The warming climate is making baby sea turtles almost all girls

And they can't stick a few thousand baby turtles in a cold pool and release them once they're all little boys?


Zombies take over the streets in Mexico City

Luckily they're too zombed-out to interfere with people using the sidewalks.


Venezuelans buy gas with cigarettes to battle inflation

No sweat: That's what all prisoners do in jail.


X-ray reveals stolen $100,000 diamond ring inside thief’s body, California cops say

Thief demanding that police find out who could have put it there.


Boat anchor damages large area of transplanted coral off Florida Keys

"I'm sorry," said the boat captain: "I was gonna toss my anchor up into a passing cloud, but it went by too fast."


Trump Likens Impeachment Inquiry To ‘A Lynching’ In Twitter Outburst

At least now he can't go any lower. I mean, it's not as if he's going to compare himself to Jesus on the Cross next. [Probably.]


What To Do If Your Dog Eats Weed

Rat him out to the cops: He was supposed to share it.


To protect Trump, Republicans are staging a display of lawlessness

What a surprise.


Trump says U.S. will lift sanctions on Turkey, calling cease-fire in Syria ‘permanent’ - President Trump added a caveat, saying that sanctions would be lifted "unless something happens that we’re not happy with.”

Such as Erdogan nationalizing Trump's properties in Turkey. Yes, we know.

Trump lifts Turkey sanctions, declaring success in Syria as Turkey and Russia fill void

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power


Trump ‘surprised’ at push-back to hosting G-7 at his Doral resort, chief of staff says

Trump Continues To Defend Doral Choice Even After Giving In - “It would have been great,” the president told reporters during a meeting with Cabinet members.

Maybe, but your fellow Republicans didn't want the American electorate to see just how big a thief you are: Blame them.


Trump on Monday made new statements that belie his January 2017 promise that he would separate himself from his family business, the Trump Organization, which operates the resorts and hotels that he continues to own through a trust he created after winning the 2016 election. - “I was going to do it at no cost or give it for free,” he said at the Cabinet meeting, echoing his Saturday night statement on Twitter that “I announced that I would be willing to do it at NO PROFIT or, if legally permissible, at ZERO COST to the USA.”


Trump later on in the Cabinet meeting, though, backtracked, claiming that he would have ASKED his family to reduce the prices to be charged the government “because I don’t run the business, because THEY run my business now.” [Ha!]


Here’s the quid pro quo proof, Lindsey Graham

An overlooked Bill Taylor revelation hints at worse to come from Trump -- Two senior U.S. officials seriously discussed a plan in which the attorney general of the United States would publicly coordinate with a foreign government to help Trump absolve Russia of culpability for an attack on our political system, by helping to repudiate our intelligence services’ conclusion about that culpability.

This is why not just Giuliani but Barr, Mulvaney, Miller and every other cheap underling Trump has 'installed' in key positions of the American Government to facilitate his corruption must be brought before a Court of Law to answer for his/her own specific role in Trump's conspiracy to subvert the 2020 election and cheat his way to an undeserved victory.

Trump Has Spent $115 Million On Golf Trips -- Or 287 Years Of Presidential Salary

Donald Trump is a disgustingly hideous crass thief who has spent his entire life stealing from people right and left without regard to the harm, pain and grief he inflicts on his innocent victims--the textbook case of what invariably happens when a criminal is not prosecuted as early on as it's possible: The result os which is that he will always go on to much greater and greater crimes, finding in the law's unwillingness or inability to stop him confirmation of an egotistical belief that he is invulnerable to the law and "smarter than all the cops in the world."

Donald Trump And The Making Of A Predatory President

How all these prominent [so-called upstanding] citizens can sit at the same table with such a soulless criminal as Donald Trump, lending him [or selling him] prestige at the expense of the corruption it pours down on their shattering principles and toilet-flushing reputations (just only for the 'privilege' of staining themselves with an infamy they will surely have to live down all the days of their lives) is beyond me.

How Trump helps his supporters justify racism

And, if I could ask but one question of The Donald, it would be to drop-kick a baby on Fifth Avenue sometime (which seems to be about the only outrage he hasn't done yet for the entertainment of his Evangelical/hard core voters): I just want to see how much applause they would give him. And exactly how the Republicans explain it away as an act of compassion.

Ukraine Knew of Aid Freeze by Early August, Undermining Trump Defense

White House delayed Ukraine trade decision in August, a signal that U.S. suspension of cooperation extended beyond security funds


Trump Says He’s Building A Wall In Colorado — Which, No, Is Not A Border State

What a surprise.

Trump Says He’s Building A Wall In Colorado — Which Is Not A Border State

It's possible that Donald Trump really only has a third grade (or even lower) education and was simply 'bought' his other higher grades graduations [as all his non-fictional biographies hint at]. Or, it's also possible (and not as big a stretch as one might believe now) that he is a 'look-alike' whom the Russians have replaced him with and that's why he's not as familiar with the map of the United States as are even the youngest American children.

It will all come out. It always does.


Most animal cruelty isn’t a federal crime. The House just passed a bill to change that.

About time. The Cubans next-door just had chicken & rice, and a chicken eaten is obviously a chicken that has been cruelly assassinated.


Spain Exhumes Franco’s Remains After Long and Bitter Battle

His body with be over for forensic fun to Dr. Frankie Stein. What could go wrong?


White House Arguing That Dems Are Treating Trump Unfairly, Not That He’s Innocent

Any Republican body in front of the truth. [from the best-selling The Art of Total Trench Warfare by Unterführer Stevie Bannon]

As more testimony is disclosed, it becomes clearer that President Trump’s only defense against impeachment is to distract from the facts.

In court hearing, Trump lawyer argues a sitting president would be immune from prosecution even if he were to shoot someone

The White House resorts to character assassination of courageous officials

Trump wages battle against impeachment with a barrage of provocations, contradictions and exhortations


Trump Calls Them ‘My Judges.’ Will They Side With Him In Separation Of Powers Fight?

Sure. Especially the ones that wanna go to Hell with him.


Rats are capable of driving tiny cars, researchers found. It eases their anxiety.

About driving the big ones? Sure. I get anxious when I have to drive my SUV


500-year-old skeletons found in the Tower of London

What were they doing there? Nothing. [Joke found in the hand of one of the skeletons.]


Trump Mentions Building a Wall in Colorado, Then Says He Was Kidding

Trump is the 'oops, I meant to do that' guy. Hell, he does it even better than PeeWee Herman. And more often. [He is also, as you can well see, one stupendously unquitting liar.]


Trump instructs federal agencies to cancel Washington Post and New York Times subscriptions

Sez he don't wanna know nothing than what he already doesn't know. [sic.] And, by the way, forbidding people to read something is the classical definition of censorship. So, anybody in a government agency who is reprimanded for having access to The Washington Post or The New York Times has a very good case that his/her First Amendment rights have been infringed: Sue The Damn Donald! Sue!


The U.S. deficit hit $984 billion in 2019, soaring during Trump era

And, where did all that money the U.S. borrowed go--when Trump is cutting every government service he can to as many Americans as possible? [Look in the pockets of billionaires like Trump & his pals. It's in there.]


Democrat drafting bill to stop Facebook from profiting off politicians' ads containing falsehoods

Bets are being laid as to whether more than 1 Republican will vote for it.


Who are (and were) the GOP holdouts on Lindsey Graham’s anti-impeachment bill? - “It’s inappropriate for the president to be talking with foreign governments about investigating his political opponents, but impeachment would be a mistake,” Republican Sen. Lamar Alexander said earlier this month.

Maybe they should give Trump the Medal of Honor instead for trying to cheat on the 2020 election. Sure. [And instead of holding honest elections, from now on we could award the presidency to whoever can best cheat the American people.]

Trump should be very worried about Senate Republicans


Susan Rice Calls Sen. Lindsey Graham ‘A Piece Of S**t’

Well, I don't know about calling him that, but many a time have I had to skip on a sidewalk to avoid stepping upon Lindsey Graham, that's true.

Graham introduces resolution condemning House impeachment inquiry

Could Lindsey Graham be any more shameful?

Sen. Lindsey O. Graham (R-S.C.), who met with Trump at the White House on Thursday for lunch, said the president was defiant. “He just kept saying he did nothing wrong, he did nothing wrong,” Graham said in an interview. “He said it over and over.”

Actually, what The Donald said was: "I didn't do nothing, man. I didn't do nothing!" Immediately after he had turned on the TV show COPS playing: "Bad boy! Bad boy! Bad boy! Wa'cha gonna do? Wa'cha gonna do when they come for you?"

Lindsey Graham is a fellow who famously likes to slap himself publicly in the face until he's red-faced silly. [He will definitely make King Trump a hilarious Court Fool.]


Justice Dept. investigation of Russia probe is criminal in nature, person familiar with case says

What has to be done is that persons who subvert the law for personal or political gain must be brought to account and face the legal consequences of their illegal activities. And, if found guilt, subsequently made to suffer the harshest possible penalties allowed by law--if for no other reason than to give pause to those who might be considering the same crimes in the future.

Explosive William Barr news points to Trump’s weakness and panic

It's good to know William Barr will be sharing the jail cell next to Trump: Trump will definitely need someone to worship him when he's in prison.

The scope of Trump’s corruption is mind-boggling. New developments show how.


Carolyn Hax: Can a 3-year-old who always wants to be held ever hold his own?

Perhaps if he is held he might grow up to be a loving and caring human being who understands the value of holding on to others. Try it sometime.


Trump Organization Considering Sale Of Washington, D.C., Hotel

Ya can't escape to Russia for political asylum without first liquidating all your U.S. properties, yes. [from the best-selling Cash Travels Lightest by Howard Twoduck D'Law]


Firm with ties to Trump’s brother gets $33 million government contract

What a surprise.

The financier Michael Milken is an investor in a property that became eligible for a tax break after his friend Steven Mnuchin intervened. - Treasury officials said they were troubled by Mr. Mnuchin’s actions to bend the rules.

What a surprise.

Microsoft Wins $10 Billion Pentagon Contract, Thwarting Amazon

Ya see: This is the 'acceptable' traditional political corruption. If Trump had stuck to just this type of corruption he wouldn't be in the trouble he is now.

Amazon’s challenge to massive Pentagon award cites videos that mark potential influence of Trump

U.S. Watchdog Backs Bezos' Protest Over Key Pentagon Launch Program

Trump used Pentagon budget for personal gain, Amazon alleges


Trump decided to leave troops in Syria after conversations about oil, officials say

Say Trump told them his Syria policy was: "F*#k people, protect the cash!" [It's obviously also his policy about Americans. And about just about everybody else, for that matter.]

Esper: US troops, armored vehicles going to Syria oil fields


“Many Trump allies are concerned and don’t understand the strategy of not filing an injunction,” said Jason Miller, a Trump ally. “It’s a head-scratcher.

Dear Dandruffed People: I'm sorry, but what bank robber or stick-up thief files an injunction to stop the cops?! None. What criminals do is either shoot it out or try to flee as fast & as far as they can. And now you know why Trump hasn't filed an injunction, for God's sakes, and is instead desperately trying to shoot it out with the cops trying to chase him down, or fleeing into wild blithering blow-ups to attempt to lose'em in the fog.]


Pelosi says Trump notified Russians of Baghdadi raid before telling congressional leaders

Shut up: Trump knows who his overlord is.


Trump has a gift for making each new misdeed feel like something we already knew

Translation: Trump is on a crime spree the likes of which this nation has seldom seen. And it's got the cops coming & going, not knowing where he'll strike next. But, as tragic as it all is, ya gotta admit it's hilarious!

If Donald Trump were just doing stand-up now he wouldn't have half the cops in the world after him, he'd have none of the problems he now has, and he'd have the unmitigated success that he's longed for all of his life (unsuccessfully). Unfortunately he's just too stupid for success, let's face it. And no matter how much he tries to cheat is way into it or to buy it.


White House Denies John Kelly’s Impeachment Remark: He Can’t Handle Trump’s ‘Genius’

If nothing else the Trump ego's lickspittles of this White House can certainly give you a good laugh now & again, I'll give'em that. [Although it also makes painfully obvious that The Donald should have been under some serious psychiatric treatment for a long time now.]


Trump’s Public Lands Chief Wrote For A Cult Extremist’s Magazine

Should we be surpised?

President Trump may have violated criminal provisions of the Hatch Act

What a surprise.

Is Trump repeating one of the worst foreign policy blunders in history?

What? You have to ask?!

Trump Boasts He Called On U.S. To Kill Osama Bin Laden Before 9/11. He Didn’t.

What a surpise.

Trump abandons proposing ideas to curb gun violence after saying he would following mass shootings

What a surprise.

Trump Keeps Picking Unqualified People To Be Lifetime Judges. Republicans Don’t Care.

What a surprise.

Chicago Police Boss: Trump Made Up Cop Who Claimed He Could End Crime In A Day

Who might have guessed.

Trump Posts Faked Photo Of Him Giving Medal To Hero Dog

Should anybody be surprised he'd do this?

In his national address announcing that US Special Forces had killed Baghdadi, President Donald Trump commended Turkey while turning a blind eye to Turkey’s collusion with ISIS.

What a surprise.

Trump said smugglers couldn’t cut through his replacement wall. Then they did.


$16.8 Million In Campaign Funds Went To Trump Businesses, Latest Records Reveal

O, what a surprise it is.


Trump Said Baghdadi Died ‘Crying,’ But Top Officials Don’t Know Where He Got That

Oh, I think, everybody knows by now most of what Trump sez he gets out of nowhere in the world but his own self-echoing head.


Analysis: Does Trump trust Putin more than Pelosi?

Does Frank Nitti trust Al Capone more than Eliot Ness?


Devin Nunes: Reporters Asking Me Questions About Ukraine Scandal Are ‘Assassins’

And there! That was as low as Nunes's base character could go. So from here on out he'll only be able to go: "Gnagna gnagna gnagna!"


In Rare And Contradictory Concession, Trump Extends Work Permits For Many Salvadorans

Dude, look for a Salvadorean ironing his toupe (just the way Trump likes it), and another one starching his underwear 'just so.'


What Happens To Terror Groups When You Kill Their Leader?

You have to ask?! They diversify. [What happened when Osama bin Laden was killed--We got al-Qaeda AND ISIS because al-Qaeda lost its ability to control Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.] These people fight for a religious duty, not necessarily for a mortal leader. [Kill Ignorance and Superstition instead and then success might really be almost at hand.]


Payday lenders discussed raising money for Trump’s campaign to fend off regulation, audio reveals

Apparently the Republican Motto for the 2020 election will be: "What'd we want? Corruption in every place every time!" [It's work for them before.]

State court blocks current House districts in North Carolina for 2020 elections


Analysis: Why the name of the ‘beautiful’ and ‘talented’ dog from raid is still classified

Because the dog was named Meathead after Trump.


Trump keeps lamenting no one heeded the bin Laden warning he didn’t actually give

"Don't bother him: He's practicing for when he's in the rubber room at the asylum."

Trump urges fellow Republicans to defend him on substance

"Told ya he was crazy."


What will the House impeachment inquiry resolution actually do?

Make the Republicans switch to whining about something else.


Why Trump insisted that the obviously incomplete rough transcript was, in fact, ‘exact’

1) because he's a liar


Trump Jr.: I Wish I Was Hunter Biden So I Could Profit From My Dad’s Presidency

The nut never falls far from the source of all nuttiness.


Man Sticks Cannabis In His Nose, Forgets About It For 18 Years

He should have stuck it up somewhere else. That way he would've surely gotten rid of it sooner.


When should Republicans jump ship?

Oh, they're trying to jump ship. But Trump's Titanic still has too many base lifeboats to let them do it.


What would be impeachable in Republicans’ eyes?

In the case of Trump ONLY if he raped one of their daughters on Fifth Avenue. Maybe. ["Day job or daughter? Mmm..."]


Thursday’s updates: Trump wants ‘fireside chat,’ says he’ll read rough transcript of Ukraine call on live TV

The program will be titled Trump's Fractured Fairy Tales and will be followed & preceded by episodes of The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. [I can't wait!]


The Trump brothers’ claims that they no longer profit from foreign deals

In the Trump brothers’ defense: "Trumps always think that lying about something will make it the truth."

To Beat Trump, Focus on His Corruption


He helped write Indonesia’s strict adultery laws. Then he had an affair and was publicly flogged 28 times.

No! No! I wrote: "to 8 times" not "28 times!!!"


Trump says Chad Wolf now acting Homeland Security chief, adding to confusion about transition

Sure, why have Congress vet (confirm) the president's cabiner members? It just gets in the way of a president surrounding himself with personal servants & lickspittle lackeys who will obey him and not the law. And what better way of having a president BE the law then!


When should Republicans jump ship?

No worry there: The rats are already holding meetings about it.


Degas had a gift for conveying truth — even when he made it all up

And Trump has a gift for conveying lies even when he's talking about the facts. So what!


What I Learned When I Stabbed Myself 52 Times

1) No matter how many times you've stabbed yourself the next one always hurts just as much. [from the best-seller For Those With No Brain]


Conan the dog is a hero. But Trump is using the canine for attention.

What a surpise.


She Raised Her Credit Score From 560 to 730 In 2 Years. Here’s How.

1) by being desperate to get herself into debt


Why Do Parrots Waste So Much Food?

Why don't you ask them--It's not as if they won't talk!


“I worked with John Kelly, and he was totally unequipped to handle the genius of our great President.” — Stephanie Grisham, in October

There is something obviously very wrong with a man who would insist that his employees call him a genius. Perhaps most especially of all when almost every action he takes is that of a very mentally diminished person and usually invariably ruinous.

Why is Trump so bad at economic statecraft?

"And when you refer to me call me Mister Genius. Remember that if you repeat a lie often enough it becomes the truth." [Yes. Mister President--I mean, Mister Genius.]

Mulvaney allies try to stonewall impeachment probe

Remember that you are trying to defend this man:

Trump Lied To Supporters About Something They Could See With Their Own Eyes - That time when Trump told supporters not to trust their own eyes: “Just remember,” he said in July 2018. “What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening.”

What kind of White House press secretary calls her boss’s critics human scum? Stephanie Grisham.

Apparently: "A rapist," on the other hand: "A rapist is not a rapist if he's a Republican. Get over it!"

"Live with it." [et al] If it's your daughter got raped: Ha! Ha!

Columnist E. Jean Carroll, who accused Trump of sexual assault, sues him for defamation

Dana Milbank: Slander is Trump’s last refuge


How our ancestors avoided distractions

They didn't pay attention to anybody. My grandparents still practice this.


A 4,000-year-old recipe decoded

1) pour water into pot
2) heat pot

It's the first known recipe for boiled water.


There Aren’t Enough Mental Health Providers. And Kids Are Paying The Price.

Ah! So THAT's why Trump keeps appointing people to his cabinet who are not mental health providers! [Search harder! This kid needs help.]

Trump’s false claim about what the Ukrainian president said about the U.S. ambassador


I Grew Up Hiding My Family's Shameful Secret. Here's Why I Finally Decided To Share It.

"We're really billionaires!"


Bye-bye, winless season (and maybe No. 1 pick) as Fitzpatrick, Dolphins stun Jets

Knew the Dolphins should have treated Fitzpatrick better! Now they'll have to live with The Revenge of Fitzpatrick.


Trump Becomes A Florida Man

As if Florida wasn't polluted enough already!


Amazon Predicts That These Will Be The Top Toys Of The 2019 Holiday Season

Funny, list doesn't seem to include my wife's Mightly Jamail toy.


Tiffany Haddish Poops In Her Cheating Boyfriend's Sneakers

"Yeah! That's the girl for me!" [Can't wait to hear what she does after she thinks you've used her toothbrush.]


UK reduces its terror threat level to 'substantial'

Same as with my obesity level.


Justice Dept. Asks for Identifying Details on Anonymous Author

Guys: You'll never find him--It's William Barr!


Principal, Teacher Suspended After Student Dresses As Hitler In Halloween Parade

"Now, who's a nice little Hitler."
"Awgh! Gimme der candy, ja!"


Milwaukee Mayor Blames Trump For Acid Attack On Peruvian-Born U.S. Citizen

It does look a little bit like Trump on the video: I wonder if anybody's asked Trump where he was at the time...

Mahud Villalaz said he was walking to a Mexican restaurant when a stranger threw acid on his face after asking, “Why did you come here and invade my country?”

Definitely sounds like something Trump would say.


Walter Mercado’s horoscopes and predictions will live on after death

He once predicted I would put on a shirt. And by Heaven: I did!


Flood followed by drought equals a good year for melons

If only they knew it!


CVS Clerk Refused To Sell Medicine To College Student With Puerto Rico Driver’s License

The failure of your education system dollars at work.


Latino or Hispanic? What's the difference?

La Tino isn't macho enough & Hispanic is his father.


This dog took a DNA test. Turns out he’s 100 percent endangered dingo.

"We thought it odd," its owner said, "the way it kept trying to take our baby out of the cradle."


One year out from vote, Trump trails Democrats by wide margins, poll shows

And may God grant that as Trump goes
so too will his GOP enablers also exit...

Critics Warn Trump, McConnell After ‘Blue Wave’ Victories: ‘You’re Next’


Flavor Bans Multiply, But Menthol Continues To Divide

I know I'd be a lot happier if everybody in the world didn't know I was all hosed down in Vicks VapoRub.


Paula White: Trump Once Dreamed Of Building A Crystal Cathedral For God

Sez Trump wanted to stand outside it and see if he could bust the whole thing up with a single well-thrown brick. [Makes sense for Trump.]


Virginia cyclist who flipped off Trump wins Loudoun County seat representing his golf club

Are you paying attention Lindsey Graham?

Graham won’t read newly released transcripts; White House plays down importance of Volker, Sondland testimony

Maybe Graham should start learning his ABCs.

Bombshell Impeachment Testimony Perfectly Underscores Lindsey Graham’s Hypocrisy

Even the officials who tried to do Trump’s dirty work knew it was wrong

"Trump suffered the greatest defeat in the history of the world!"


Trump keeps talking about ‘keeping’ Middle East oil. That would be illegal.

So, you're saying that that would be Trump then?


David Ignatius: Where is Mike Pompeo? He’s hiding in fear of Donald Trump.

"Pompy, what are you doing under that bed? Trump's been looking everywhere for you--Says he wants to have a screaming with you."


Rapper T.I. tells podcast hosts he takes his teen to the gynecologist to confirm her hymen is ‘still intact’

Leave him alone: Rapper T.I. should know if his kid's a ho or not.


The Senate must not legitimize the House’s sham impeachment

"It's every rat's duty to go down with its ship!" [Tattoo on a drowned rat found approximately 10 miles from where ship went down.]


More than 11,000 scientists from around the world declare a ‘climate emergency’

Meanwhile Trump is busy throwing out the pair of underwears he wore last night: "Dirty-assed moderfo---Where are my damn illegals?!"


A woman was found dead with bloody puncture wounds. Police blame her Great Danes.

Of course, we haven't heard from the Danes' lawyers yet.


President Trump’s lawyer Giuliani hires his own lawyers, as investigations mount

Sez he needs young lawyers because back when he went to law school lying was the truth & the law was whatever was illegal.


A bright blue Virginia leaves the Confederacy behind

Robert E. Lee must be turning over in his bed of coals.


How Trump’s foreign policy mixes religion with money

Guy, there might be money without religion, but there is no religion without money. Ask the nearest Evangelical. [And put some'm in th'plate.]


Prosecutor says Roger Stone lied ‘because the truth looked bad for Donald Trump’

Roger Stone claims he shouldn't have to go into details because the truth ALWAYS looks bad for Donald Trump.


Judge voids Trump administration’s ‘conscience rule’ letting health-care providers refuse to give care for religious, moral reasons

Satanists & evangelicals will no longer be allowed to let people die if they just like it that way.


Rick Santorum Tells Trump The Numbers Don’t Lie: You’ve Got A Problem

Trump tells Santorum not to worry--sez he can still cover over any number out there with his own infinite lies.

Testimony from Pentagon, State Dept. officials undercuts a key piece of Trump’s impeachment defense


Why do so many dads think it’s their duty to monitor their girls’ virginity?

And why are so many dudes interested in who becomes a member of their families? They should just take in any ole bum comes along.


How Walking Might Affect Our Sleep

1) getting hit by a car while crossing a street asleep will tend to give you nightmares


Growing Meat in a Lab That Doesn’t Look Like Mush

A lab that looks like a mush is probably stupendously contaminated: Growing meat is not the only thing I don't think I'd do in there!


House Republicans say envoy Gordon Sondland, Trump’s lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani and possibly acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney could have tried to influence Ukraine policy on their own, without direction from the president.

And that's why it is every American's patriotic duty to vote every one of these Republicans out before they do even worse harm to the country than they've already done.

Harvard Law Professor: ‘More Than Enough Evidence Now’ Against Donald Trump

Testimony from Pentagon, State Dept. officials undercuts a key piece of Trump’s impeachment defense


Judge orders Trump to pay $2 million to charities over misuse of foundation

That's the way to do it: Trump may not be bothered by personal insults, or even by being impeached & thrown out of office, but forcing him to make restitutions to the people he's cheated over the years (especially the American taxpayers) is what's really finally going to bring justice to Donald Trump. [Also maybe convicting him of a few of the countless felonies he's committed and making him think about that some years in the slammer.]


Book by ‘Anonymous’ describes Trump as cruel, inept and a danger to the nation

Trump relieved it didn't try to make him out worse than he is.

Trump has spread more hatred of immigrants than any American in history

In scathing manifesto, an asylum officer blasts Trump’s cruelty to migrants

Leaked Stephen Miller emails suggest Trump’s point man on immigration promoted white nationalism

How Latinos saved American cities


Trump calls whistleblower ‘a disgrace to our country’

Sez that he & he alone is the country. [Sez 'rest of it all' is just stuff to be bought & sold for whatever he needs or wants.]


House GOP looks to protect Trump by offering up deputies as fall guys

Makes sense: In the Mafia (trickled down to the GOP from Al Capone's St.Valentine's Massacre, etc.) the Anonymous Writer is in there somewhere, so if you machinegun them all you're bound to kill him or her too. [But wouldn't it be something if after the massacre Anonymous turned out to be Ivanka--I mean, who knows Trump better than she?]


Trump said that the House should not be holding public hearings next week and suggested again that he would release a transcript of an April phone call that he had with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

Sez he has decreed scientific proof that what's good for the goose is NOT good for the gander after all!


Paul Manafort’s Former Son-In-Law Sentenced For Scamming Dustin Hoffman, Others

Wow! Trump's mafia-tentacles really do reach out far & wide.

Behind Trump’s Dealings With Turkey: Sons-in-Law Married to Power

2 Rick Perry Cronies Reportedly Won Ukraine Oil Deal While Nation Sought U.S. Aid


Nikki Haley: White House Aides Asked Me To Undermine Trump To ‘Save The Country’

"‘Save The Country’?!" Nikki sez she certainly wasn't going to do that! [Maybe if they'd at least offered to throw in a coupla bucks.] In any case: Now you know who the backstabber was who informed Trump and got them both fired.


Spanish king travels to Cuba, sparking protests — and the killing of stray dogs in Havana

Apparently the killing of stray dogs is the official Voodoo ceremony for honoring kings in Cuba. Who knew, right!


If I Touched the Moon, What Would It Feel Like?

You remember that time you did all that LSD...


Trump complains of ‘2nd and 3rd hand witnesses’ in inquiry

Sez the ones that have 1st hand info: They're the only ones that really got him spot-on guilty as charged. ["So there!"]


The Technology 202: Reddit posters keep surfacing the name of the alleged whistleblower

Trump keeps trying to go after the whistleblower & it's like: "I wanna know who called the cops when I was robbing the bank!" Hey, stupid: Nobody cares who called the cops--What's important is that they caught YOU robbing the bank!!!! [And if Trump had a head on his shoulders he might be able to get that through it one day.]


Disney threatens to ruin the things that made Marvel Comics special

Splat scenes? I love those!


My Third Husband Is 102 Years Old. Here's What Our Marriage Is Like.

Paper. Paper, paper, paper. Mostly toilet paper.


Erdogan Will Have Fewer Friends Than Ever When He Visits The U.S. This Week

Although as long as Erdogan keeps that Trump Tower scheme sending Trump all that money under the table [for doing nothing more than just cashing the checks] we all know he'll have at least one friend here.

But what Erdoan is getting from Trump--That is plain enough for everybody with eyes to see:

Trump offers trade deal, sanctions workaround to Erdogan for better U.S.-Turkey relations [Plus...]


Turkey examining death of White Helmets founder

Suspect he wasn't wearing his helmet at the time.


Over 200 elephants starve to death in Zimbabwe

In related news: Europe further restricts the importation of elephants from Zimbabwe.


Shark attacks American diver off coast of Mexico

Does not say how shark found out he was an American.


The Accidental Invention of Play-Doh

"So, there I was one morning drinking my coffee while watching my kid merrily playing away with one of his turds, and..." [Bam!] Could it really have happened any other way?!


U.S. Held Nearly 70,000 Migrant Children In Government Custody In 2019

O how Americans would rise in protests all across this nation
if this ever happened to their children instead!

U.S. Has World’s Highest Rate Of Children In Detention: U.N. Study


I Got Kicked Out Of Starbucks For Brushing My Teeth. Here’s Why It Matters.

I feel for ya, brother. I got kicked out too (just for washing out my soiled underwear). We should sue'em! [I wasn't even splashing any of the other customers, for Heaven's sakes!]


22 Algerians convicted for waving Berber flag at protests

Does not say why it took 22 Algerians to wave the flag, but if this would have happened in Poland I'm sure it would have made a pretty good joke.


Greek government drops plan to criminalize blasphemy

Opponents of the bill said it was goddamn good news.


Trump just undercut his own spinners’ latest line of propaganda

What, again?!


Jim Carrey Cartoon Rips ‘Draft Dodger’ Trump On Veterans Day

You wanna measure Trump's seemingly unlimited shamelessness? Well, that's it.


The Democrats are moving left. Will America follow? 32 perspectives on the party’s dramatic turn

After every failure of the Right candidates of the Left think their day has arrived. Just as after every failure of the Left candidates of the Right think their day has arrived. And if the candidates of the middle ground don't see the light we will be forever doomed to failure after failure after failure...


Colin Kaepernick, still seeking a return to football, will work out for NFL teams Saturday

Really? I thought Colin was doing quite well working as a tap-dancer for Nike. Or something.


EPA pushes ahead with effort to restrict the science it uses to craft regulations

Sez their new Trump-appointed flunkies know more than all the scientists in the history of the universe put together (and then some). So it's better that they just make up stuff out their heads rather than fund studies & shit like that.


Woman Accuses Man Of Pouring Bucket Of Hot Diarrhea On Her Head

Man, even after all these eons and eons of painful mind-numbing evolution we are still monkeys! [That "mind-numbing" part there courtesy of the American education system.]


Trump advisers exploring income-tax proposal to cut middle class rate to 15 percent

And Trump sez not to worry: Sez that Ivanka & his boys will be more than happy to pay off the ballooning deficit loans later on... [Ha! Ha!]


Nikki Haley makes good points about never impeaching anyone ever

Rather, a much better point is the alternative to impeachment which is even at this moment taking place against President Evo Morales in Bolivia. [I wonder if that's what Nikki, Barr & the rest of'em have in mind for the United States too...?]

Evo Morales flees crisis-torn Bolivia after deadly clashes

Of course: The ole trash-the-joint-&-flee-as-soon-as-you-can trick. [Trump is now trying it out here in the U.S. of A.]


Fox News host Tucker Carlson is loudly ignoring impeachment. It ‘is not only dumb, it’s boring.’ While Sean Hannity runs the network’s anti-impeachment war room, Carlson will simply be talking about something — anything — else.

Sez that the duty of a news program is to make sure that the viewing public gets as little information as humanly possible about what the most important thing they should know is--Preferably none at all, in fact.

The case against Trump in seven words

Impeachment: How an overheard phone call could damage Trump

One of the defenses of Trump is — literally — a TV-cartoon joke


Hillary Clinton says ‘many, many, many people’ are urging her to run for president in 2020

Sez she's not interested in the economy, foreign policy or any of that shit--She just wants to stand on a national stage and scream out at the American voters: "I told ya so!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!..." [Until they drag her away.]


Turkish President Recep Erdogan Says He’ll Keep Releasing ISIS Fighters Over Sanctions

Erdogan then said that if it weren't for that he'd be releasing them for something else: He just enjoys helping out ISIS any way he can.


Before Joining White House, Miller Pushed White Nationalist Theories

Sorry, that should read: "Because Miller Pushed White Nationalist Theories He Joined White House." [Accuracy matters, you know.]


A recanvass is expected to preserve a Democratic challenger’s narrow victory. Will Matt Bevin concede?

"Never! Conceding after losing an election just makes people imagine they're living in a democracy: Bah humbug! Losing Republicans don't concede!"

Matt Bevin Concedes In Kentucky Governor’s Race

Also: You have to keep in mind that Republicans bluff lots more than they huff. [from the best-selling A Bluff Is A Lie By Yet Another Name.]


Aides are counseling Trump not to fire Mulvaney, as acting chief of staff changes course again

Question not shouted at Trump as he boarded Transit Bus One:

"Mister President! Mister President, are you going to fire Mick Mulvaney or are you still going to pat him on the back? After all, Kelly warned you not to hire yes men like little Mick who wouldn't keep you on the straight & narrow when you threw a tantrum about wanting to stick you foot into that pile of dung."


Trump: Wahh! I wanna stick it in! I wanna stick it in!

Mulvaney: Sure thing, Mister President. Here, let me help you stick it in there deep as it'll go. There ya go! How is it, Mister President?

Trump: Waaaaa... It stinks! It stinks!!!

Now he knows. [Yeah... Don't bet on it.]


Nicolas Cage Talks Bigfoot, Mythical Jaguars And Coming Back As A Whale

Sez he's also no longer a vampire ever since he found that he enjoys staring up at the Sun.


Erdogan Returned Trump's 'Tough Guy' Letter During His White House Visit

Sez it has too many grammar mistakes & misspellings. So he want Trump to write it over again.


Jeff Sessions Calls It A ‘Show Trial’

And is now claiming that "He'd gladly die for Trump!" [Sez he would have thrown himself under the bus had Trump not done it before he had a chance to do it himself!... to himself.]


House Republicans Did A Really Bad Job Defending The President

Is it possible that GOP Never-Trumpers arranged to put the creepiest-looking Republicans on the interrogation team to make Trump look even worse--as well as the poor creeps themselves they 'set up' there, of course...? [I mean: C'mon! Jordan & Ratcliffe...!?]


RNC Reportedly Plans To Hold Winter Meeting At Trump’s Doral Resort

Rudy Giuliani Jokes That He Has ‘Insurance’ If Trump Throws Him Under The Bus

Damn! Man, this Trump Mafia will probably forever go down as: "The Mobsters Who Just Didn't Give A Damn What The Hell The Cops Knew!"

Justice Dept. watchdog won’t let witnesses give written feedback on report about FBI’s Russia probe, sparking fears of inaccuracy

Justice Dept. watchdog tells Russia report witnesses they can’t give written feedback — then reverses course

Remember: You always have to keep in mind that Republicans bluff lots more than they huff. [from the best-selling A Bluff Is A Lie By Yet Another Name.]


Don Johnson Says Trump Stiffed Him On A Business Deal

In Trump's defense: The only real reason to ever do any business with Donald Trump is to learn to never do business with Donald Trump.


Trump brags that he’s helping patients access medical ‘miracles.’ He isn’t.

O what a surprise this is.


Over 75 Members Of Congress To Stephen Miller: Resign From White House Now

Wouldn't it be nice if at least 20 Senate Republicans said the same to an ever bigger criminal there!


Cows Swept Off Coast During Hurricane Dorian Survive 'Gilligan's Island'-Style

The re-mooot features only Ginger, Mary Ann & Mrs. Howell. Republican chickens are already crying fowl [sic.] on more lesbianism.


Twitter Users Wonder Why Rep. Devin Nunes Keeps Bringing Up Trump Nude Photos

Leave him alone! Nunes is probably a conscientious enthusiast or a serious collector of the stuff.


Critics Fear Ohio Bill May Allow Students’ Religious Beliefs To Trump Facts

However, it must be wonderful for students to be able to give whatever answers they believe in school instead of having to study hard to find out what the answers are. It will certainly make for much higher scores!

"When was the world created?"
"You got it!"


Céline Dion Celebrated Her New Album By Surprising Fans At NYC Drag Bar

However, a couple of patrons were heard to say it wasn't necessarily the best Céline Dion they've seen there.


With the successful onside kick now a relic, the NFL will reconsider the fourth-and-15 proposal

What I would really like to see is the NFL completely eliminating playing games on the field and instead turning the whole thing into a Poker or a Bridge tournament. [They could still keep the cheerleaders, of course.]


A baby died after an officer crashed his Corvette at 94 mph, investigators say. He won’t face charges.

But the mother of the baby was arrested for murder because the baby seat was not properly secured! [I'm gonna have to start living in my cement box safe room down in the basement: I wouldn't want to be charged with my own murder if a gang of home invaders killed me while watching TV in my living room and went free BECAUSE I wasn't in my cement box!]


Why did Myles Garrett snap?

Because it was not the first time, nor was it the second time, nor the third time [...] he's only gotten a slap in the hand for snapping. In fact, it's almost as if the powers that be set him up to do his worst. You know, just like they 'set up' Trump and almost every other bad actor out there.


Trump Hails New Farm Aid Billions As Report Reveals Money Helps Wealthy, Southerners

What a surprise.

Trump Retweets Son Eric’s Promo Of Their D.C. Hotel, Infuriating His Former Ethics Chief

O what a surprise this is.


Zut alors! The Americans who are farming snails

Americans or Alabamians, it's still some'm else for snails to be farmers! And... one more:

Arizona Deputy Placed on Leave After Tackling 15-Year-Old With No Limbs


William Barr’s ‘Authoritarian’ Trump Defense Triggers Calls For His Impeachment

And Barr's persecution of Americans in the intelligence community just for working to protect our country doesn't?!?


Roger Stone should be a footnote in history. Instead, he shows our descent.

All the way back to the Stone Age: It was almost as if it was his personal destiny.


Republicans Will Never Be Convinced Trump Did Something Wrong

Sorry. That should read: "Republicans Will Never Be Convinced To Admit Trump Did Something Wrong"


Sen. Johnson says whistleblower’s sources ‘exposed things that didn’t need to be exposed’

Quoting one of the bank robbing gang members. [Whose name also just happens to be Johnson.]


Trump To Kim Jong Un: Joe Biden Is ‘Somewhat Better’ Than A Rabid Dog

Should it surprise anyone that these two have a somewhat similar point of view?


Trump undergoes tests at Walter Reed hospital as part of annual physical, White House says

I smell a face-saving resignation excuse from the kid whose mommy isn't around anymore to write him notes to his teacher excusing him from class.

Trump’s health under scrutiny again after unplanned visit to Walter Reed

Are there head-shrinkers over at Walter Reed--?

Trump is ‘healthy as can be,’ White House press secretary says after doctor visit

Does not say 'as can be' exactly for 'what' but now we'll have to see Bill Barr going after the doctors at Walter Reed who wouldn't play ball!

William Barr’s chilling defense of virtually unlimited presidential power


In a battleground town, sharp divisions over impeachment but few changed minds

Love it! It's like watching a skit about somebody holding dog shit in the outstretched palm of his hand:

"Sir, that's dog shit you're holding there."
"No it's not."
"Smell it."
"I don't have to."
"Sir, I can smell it all the way from out here: It is dog shit. Look: There's the dog right there."
"Trump? My dog don't shit."
"You're not a shit collector, are you?"
"I don't owe you any explanations."
"All right. Have a good one."
"What do you mean by that!?"
"Nothing. Not a thing." [Especially not with a guy holding dog shit in his hand like that.]


Zelensky said in September that he didn’t feel “pushed” on his July 25 call with Trump, in which Trump demanded “investigations” that would help him politically.

Which is like Al Capone waking into a bar in Chicago and saying to the bartender: "I would like you to do me a favor, though--" And then the bartender telling the cops afterwards he felt absolutely no pressure what-so-ever: "I could've slapped Al around & thrown him outta the bar if I'd felt like it," (or so say the Republicans about Zelensky & Trump).

Dude, how many times Old Man Fred Trump must have told Donald NOT to talk up his crimes when the cops are listening? [See? This is why ya just gotta slap your dumbest kids up the side of the head every now & again: So they don't grow up stupid as Trump.]

Trump learns that fake charities are tons of fun until you get caught

"Imagine President Trump’s surprise upon realizing that a charity bearing his name did not mean the money belonged to him."


Did Someone Just Fart On Live TV? You Be The Judge Of MSNBC’s ‘Fartgate’

Perhaps Trump trying to distract us from impeachment.


Islamic Jihad said Abu el-Atta, 42, was undergoing “a heroic act” when he was assassinated.

Although Islamic Jihad said the act involved his wife, who was also killed during the act, they did not say why the act was heroic. [Romeo & Juliet all over again, I imagine, only with mountain climbing involved.]


Key Witness Exchange Reveals Trump Did Not Care About Corruption At All

Gee. What a surprise.


A new generation of portraits asks: Can you see these people?

Have they made an appointment with my secretary?


‘Disgusting’: Nikki Haley And George Conway Go At It On Twitter

If George Conway is finally leaving his wife I think he can probably do a lot better than Nikki Haley (who might be a better match for Stephen Miller, say).


Civil Rights Groups Call For Trump To Fire Stephen Miller Over White Nationalism

Trump sez that with all the impeachment trouble he's having at this time he's grateful for the laugh. [But, sure, he'll file this away so when he gets to Stephen Miller's turn he'll have at least one reason for throwing him under the bus.]

And now for a Stephen Miller childhood flashback:

The Lone Ranger: "Hi-Yo, Silver! Ole!"

Tonto: "Now me start to suspect reason Kimosabe wear mask is maybe him illegal Mexican immigrant."


Should I stop eating hamburgers?

While you shower: Yes.
While you're sleeping: Definitely.
While you're president & rich and friends & family around you are constantly trying to poison you: Maybe.


Indiana Cop Fired After Stopping Black Patrons For Looking ‘Suspicious’

Sez he would follow them around until they became suspicious of him and then BAM! he had'em. [Sez he now wants to patent his technique.] Patent was denied, however, as the Patents Office sez police have been doing this since the invention of cops.


Sondland’s bombshell testimony leaves Trump’s GOP allies scrambling

As the Truth oozes out Trump and his hopelessly haplessly crooked Republicans have been sliding their lies down deeper & deeper in a kind of never-ending, "Yeah, but... here's the new lie for that," and on & on until it seems as if there is no bottom to their drowning depravity, nor can there ever be!

Sondland was devastating. But Republicans don’t care about the facts.


7 Names That Have Been Blocked By U.S. Courts

1) Whiner
2) Jesuschrist II
3) Modrsuker
4) Ityurshit
5) Vagina
6) Wafflebutt
7) Scaramucci


Trump learns that fake charities are tons of fun until you get caught

Trump used his "charity" funds as if they were his to buy himself stuff; and then he used Congressional approved funds belonging to the American people as if they were his to shakedown Ukraine. And my fear is that he could conceivably sell Alaska back to the Russians next [as if it were his] if he's offered a price he likes. [After all, Trump & William Barr claim the president can do ABSOLUTELY anything he wants.]


Sondland implicates Trump in quid pro quo, says Pence, Pompeo knew

What a surprise. [Heavens! Could it really be possible that most of the members of Al Capone's gang are mobsters?!?]


Tom Hanks just found out he's related to Mister Rogers

Tom wasn't as happy about learning he's also related to Adolph Hitler. [All the homo sapiens on earth are related.]


Judge halts scheduled federal executions, says Barr’s lethal injection protocol appears at odds with the law

William Barr at odds with the law: What a surprise.


Jim Jordan used to torment GOP leaders. Now he’s leading them in defending Trump.

So, essentially, he is leading them to their ultimate torment. [Ha! Ha!]


Impeachment hearings live updates: Trump calls Democrats ‘human scum’ as two more witnesses testify in inquiry

Sure, it is very understandable why Trump would be throwing out things like that, given that the Democrats pretty much got him in the toilet.


Police Ledger:

Undocumented immigrant didn’t have a license when he drove a forklift in a fatal crash

Immigrant claims he didn't need a licence because a forklift is not a vehicle but a tool (no different than a toothbush).

When cops pulled over a red light runner, they caught a bigger fish than they thought

Does not say why the cops were thinking of fish. [Perhaps it was getting close to lunch time.] Nor why the guy was running with a fish (which would've been nice to know).

Bank robber accuses police of illegally using Google location data to catch him

Sez he played by the rules (robbing the bank) and the cops should have also played by the rules trying to catch him. Judge's decision to follow.


Lindsey Graham Begins Investigation Into The Bidens

"Attention Kmart Shoppers: Somebody call the fumigator: We have a rat."

No Holds Barred: Lindsey Graham blocks recognition of Armenian Genocide


Explaining the bond between Trump and white evangelicals

1) white evangelicals are "religious purists" who certainly wouldn't want "different folk" renting with them in Heaven from a landlord who is obviously also white (check: Michelangelo)

[Trump you know.]


The GOP says Trump was fighting corruption. He hasn’t done that anywhere.

In Trump's defense: His personal dictionary does define 'business' as 'corruption' AND 'corruption' as 'business.' [Subpoena it & see.]


A GOP Ambassador Destroyed Republican Talking Points On The Ukraine Scandal

Fiona Hill really impressed me with her presence and authority--Clear on the other side of the spectrum of Sondland (who is obviously just an unscrupulous big dumb clown). Exactly the sort of dishonest dupe that mob bosses use to carry out their dirty work for them & then get dumped in the East River somewhere so they won't talk (like Sondland obviously now did). No wonder Trump picked him for all this! Only I betcha Trump regrets bigly having run for president instead of organizing his mob up in Brooklyn (where he would've been able to put out proper hits on his dupes & enemies instead of just having to constantly smear & insult their character like some cheap conniving little hussy who's been betrayed).


Kentucky governor’s stay at Trump hotel could carry legal implications for president - The Justice Department, which is also defending Trump in the cases, declined to comment.

The Justice Department, charged with prosecuting crimes, now defending the criminal! If William Barr doesn't go to prison for a long long time then there is no justice left in these United States of America.


Trump says he might veto bill protecting human rights in Hong Kong to pave way for China trade deal

Cash is more important than people, then, in Trump's philosophy?

What a surprise.


How To Write A Bestseller: GOP Spends $95,000 Buying Book By Donald Trump Jr.

Said it was still cheaper than buying firewood from The Donald Trump Coal & Wood distributor.


Penn State Child Sex Abuser Jerry Sandusky to Seek Reduced Sentence

Sez all of his victims only reached up to here. Therefore.


Republicans have a new enemy: Truth itself

Sure, I know it is tempting & reassuring to imagine Truth always wins out in the end, but lots of times too the end is far earlier than the Truth. [from the best-selling Why We Must Fight For The Truth]


At this Chinese hotel, the bellhops have been replaced by talking robots

Hotel owners say that there just aren't enough workers in China.


Should man-eating tigers be killed?

Not unless an equal number of those that eat women are also killed too. At the least. It's only fair.


It Took Me More Than 6 Weeks To Figure Out I Was Pregnant -- And I'm A Doctor

Damn it!!! She's my doctor!


Dog Puts Car In Reverse And Drives In Circles For An Hour In Florida Cul-De-Sac

Pooch told the cops it was trying to drive to the store for some hooch but discovered that dogs have this thing about not leaving their owners.


‘Oh My F**king God’: Elon Musk Stunned As Windows Crack On His ‘Bulletproof’ Cybertruck

Claimed he saw God in a local bar looking for a hook-up. (Then the windows exploded.)


Catholic Church Pressured Sex Abuse Victims Into Unfair Settlements: Lawsuit

But then The Church asked for forgiveness from God immediately after--so they're okay (according to Catholic doctrine).


Republicans Insist That No, Really, Trump Cares Deeply About Corruption Everywhere

Insist that The Donald eats and breathes corruption. That Trump needs corruption to live like kids need to talk out loud at the movies.


We know what happened. Now it’s time to compel Republicans to refute it or condone it.

Could the Senate Convict Donald Trump? Here's What Mitch McConnell Worries About

Mitch McConnell won't allow bills Trump won't sign to be brought to the Senate floor for a vote? So wouldn't it make sense then for Pelosi to just keep the House Impeachment inquiries & investigations going until the Senate Republicans tell her they're ready to convict Donald Trump? [I'm sure there's gotta be lots more witnesses out there willing to come testify.] Bolton sez he's ready. And when Trump starts throwing cats out the window at people a lot of others will probably think their time has come too.


Impeachment hearings live updates: Trump says Democrats ‘looked like fools’ during public hearings

In unrelated news a Hollywood producer has offered contracts to Representatives Jordan, Nunes and Ratcliffe to appear in a series of hard-hitting gangster flicks he's planning. [You guess who's playing the crooked district attorney, the dirty cop, and a slimy serial murderer.]

Giuliani Crony Can Detail Nunes’ Meeting With Ex-Ukraine Official To Get Biden Dirt: Report

Records Back Claim That Nunes Huddled With Ukraine Prosecutor Ousted Over Corruption - Giuliani said on Fox New that he doesn’t believe Nunes met with Shokin. But “if he did, there would’ve been nothing wrong with it,” he insisted.

So, basically, Giuliani is hedging in case everything about the Nunes crimes comes out like all their other Trump crimes have come out. [from the best-seller Great Criminal Lawyers With Their Hands Dirty]


Trump Says Had Lawyer Giuliani Work on Ukraine Because He Is a 'Great Crime Fighter'

Trump wasn't able to explain why if Rudy is such a great crime fighter he and everybody in his administration aren't behind bars, though. [As well as Rudy.]

Life-long criminal Trump is like a nudist who goes to a local store naked because he doesn't understand that the world outside his nudist colony doesn't see that as anything other than utterly outrageous. ["A felon? Moi?!"] That's why he's so easily caught out in the daylight breaking the law.

The latest defense of Trump is a total scam. Republicans just confirmed it themselves.

Nunes’s ‘carousel of allegations’ all contain impeachable acts

This is what Ukraine’s ‘interference’ looked like, according to Republicans

Ukraine’s Zelensky is making headway against corruption. But the fight risks angering Trump.


Former Ethics Chief Slams ‘Preposterous’ Trump Fundraising For His Senate ‘Jurors’

Give it up: This gang of elected Republican operatives are all hardcore crass opportunists who only respond to naked bribes. Trump knows this. And it's high time the rest of America realized it too--So, my friends, if you want to get anything from these Republicans you're going to have to find out "what's it gonna take," (or how much); and then see if it's worth it to you slipping'em a higher bribe than Trump is offering them right now.

Yes, Congress should be talking about the president and bribery

Greg Sargent: Trump’s GOP defenders cannot be shamed. It’s time to try this instead.


I used to hate Mister Rogers. Then I discovered how much I needed him.

Me too, but I occasionally caught the odd episode here & there of Mister Rogers because I always shunned drugs of any kind and seeing mental health specialists just takes too much time out of one's life! One episode here & there is all it usually took to pretty much bring me back to normal.


In Nagasaki and Hiroshima, Pope Francis says it’s ‘immoral’ to have nuclear weapons for deterrence

Pope sez we should only have them when we want to go on the offensive.


Man found in apartment 'died three years ago'

Man told the cops that's when he turned on his TV.


China says self-confessed spy defector is fraudster

This is China's way of confirming that he's the real McCoy.


Elon Musk: Cybertruck windows would have been unbreakable if not for the sledgehammer

Same thing for my ham & eggs: They would have been undigestible except for the fact I ate them.


Carolyn Hax: My boyfriend and I never fight. Is that a problem?

Of course I can't speak for the woman. But for the man: That's Paradise.


Most animal cruelty isn’t a federal crime. That changes Monday, when a bipartisan bill becomes law.

Does that include cockroaches? Because I live in South Florida and cockroaches are the real tenants here & people only squatters! I mean, if it becomes a federal crime to kill'em then we might as well start paying'em rent.


Lindsey Graham Says White House Told Him To ‘Please’ Block Armenian Genocide Resolution

Sez Trump assured him that the Turks had asked the Armenians if they could 'Please' commit their genocide against them. So everything is honky-dory, I suppose. [from the best-selling Lindsey Graham: The Worm That Has Turned Again & Again & Again &?]

Conservative Twitter Account Exposes Lindsey Graham’s Hypocrisy Day After Day After Day


From 'Godfather' to 'Irishman', Mafia Is Gift That Keeps on Giving

On the other hand, the Trump Mafia deals exclusively on a strictly quid pro quo basis.


Time to call out and remove Putin’s propagandists

I wonder if Trump now knows that he is Putin's patsy?

I wonder if Trump ever will know that he has been Putin's patsy?

Trump’s impeachment trial will be a sham. Here’s how to blow up his lies.


Rick Perry Calls Trump ‘The Chosen One’ Sent By God To Rule Over Us

Sez that God told him this on his cell phone while he was dining on an Ukrainian outdoor cafe. And that everybody there will be able to verify this because God talks very loud and he had to hold the cell off away from his ear.

Did the Trump administration really expect a jury to criminalize basic human kindness?

It’s a good bet Trump pardons his felon allies. Here’s when that’s most likely.


Ex-Press Secretary Sarah Sanders: ‘I Don’t Like Being Called A Liar’

Claims she likes being one, though. Even if she doesn't like being called one. [Sez she is a very honest liar.]


Mired in trench warfare, Trump makes up poll numbers that show him winning handily

Yeah. No, what really worries me is that Trump is also quite likely to make up election results that show he has won handily. And that Republicans will then also applaud Trump's sinister self-dealing delusions as they have applauded all of Trump's other sinister self-dealing delusions up to now.

Michael Gerson: Republicans’ motivations are all out in the open

Sen J. Kennedy (R-LA) says that he "feels it's unconscionable" [that Pelosi in not a good tap dancer or something] but that he does not find it unconscionable in the least that Trump tried to rig our American election for President! And that pretty much says it all about the Republicans.

For aiding Trump’s abuse of power, the GOP deserves to be voted out of existence

A lot of people seem to be saying that "the jury has already acquitted Trump" (that his base is not moving but doubling down). But the jury is not Trump's unmoving Republican base alone [so do go ahead and feel free to call Trump's Republican base stupid, dumb, dupes, co-conspirators, or whatever other quite justified insults you'd like to throw at them]: Trump's Republicans do have the say as to whether Trump gets away with it or not--But that is not the same thing as saying that they are the jury: The jury are the American People.

The real jury are the American People. And if Trump's Republicans decide to stick with Trump then they shall all eventually find themselves sitting together at the dock to be judged along with him when they all at last face the American People, their ultimate jury, in the election. And right now Trump does not look anything remotely close to innocent in any of this.

When it comes to Ukraine, Trump’s alleged misdeeds go beyond quid pro quos

So, no: The trial in the senate will not be the political trial--it will be the trail on the evidence. And if the Senate Republicans decide to ignore the evidence they will be saying to the American People that they want to be complicit in Trump's scheme to fix their election.

That election it the one that will be the political trial, and that's when Trump and his enablers & co-conspirators will be judged politically.

History will judge us all thereafter.


My Fellow Republicans, Please Follow the Facts

Ha! You didn't say "Pretty please".


The Cheapest Cities To Rent An Apartment In The U.S.

1) The one you're living in right now, as it'll cost you more to move to even the cheapest alternative.


Fears stolen Dresden jewels may be lost forever

On the plus side: It'll probably buy the thieves some nice stuff.


Please Stop Asking These Questions At Holiday Gatherings

1) Joe, you're still here?! I thought we were gonna eat a turkey?


FEMA’s Hurricane Aid to Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands Has Stalled

Trump sez enough with this endless foreign aid already!


Trump Denies Directing Rudy Giuliani To Conduct Ukraine Shadow Diplomacy

Sez he and Ruby will be going on a beautiful bus ride soon. He's just waiting for someone to introduce them.


China hopes Trump will be reelected: He’s easy to read

Dopes always are. And, unfortunately, more often than not.


How voting could get easier

One Trump = one vote. [Thank you, Republicans!]


Outgoing Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin Pardons Convicted Child Sexual Abuser

Sez damn namby-pamby Democrats are just too 'moral' to do it. So he did it himself.


Florida dog carjacks vehicle, drives in circles for hours

Carjacked driver told cops he kept asking the dog where he wanted to go but the dog just kept barking out orders like a madman.


A healthy man was licked by his dog. He was dead within weeks.

This is why I can't understand why they allow dogs to come to the hospital to play with the kids but they won't let me bring them my pet rat. [Igor doesn't bite most people.]


House Judiciary schedules first impeachment hearing as Trump claims he is protecting the presidency

Trump wouldn't protect his own mother if she didn't promise to pay him something for it.


Ex-GOP House Member Reveals What Republican Lawmakers Say About Trump In Private

Couldn't possibly be any worse than what they said in public before he was elected their monarch.

If officials objecting to Trump’s candidacy was 2016 interference, interference by allies was rampant

Not to mention by Republicans before Trump gained the nomination.


What’s stalling the self-driving car revolution

They're all parked at the DMV waiting in line for their license.


Republicans’ Big Lie About Trump and Russia

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it." --Joseph Goebbels

"A big lie (German: große Lüge) is a propaganda technique and logical trick (fallacy). The expression was coined by Adolf Hitler, when he dictated his 1925 book Mein Kampf, about the use of a lie so "colossal" that no one would believe that someone 'could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously'". [from the only best-selling book Trump ever read]

The president apparently believes he can weather an impeachment trial through sheer repetition of easily disproven falsehoods.

Witness testimony and records raise questions about account of Trump’s ‘no quid pro quo’ call

Trump’s big, ‘exonerating’ piece of Ukraine evidence takes a hit

Donald 'Don Farto' Trump sent foot soldier in his mafia Gordon 'El Sangandongo' Sondland to testify before Congress!?! Jesus! How many times Fred Trump must've told his son: One only sends out guys like this to put a hit on somebody (like he did on Zelensky) and then 'you make them disappear' --One does NOT send dumb stupid slobs like this to testify before Congress: No way in Hell they can ever keep their stories straight. But did The Donald listen? Obviously: No! He did not! [See: This is why Don Corleone wouldn't put Fredo in charge of his mafia.]

New revelations just wrecked Trump’s last remaining defenses

Tucker Carlson Calls Trump A ‘Full-Blown BS Artist’ And Admits He’s A Liar

Trump accidentally proves — again — that Republican defenses of his Ukraine/2016 request are empty

U.S. Senator: Republican Party Is Turning Into Russia’s ‘Most Important Global Asset’

We know what happened. Now it’s time to compel Republicans to refute it or condone it.

Nadler calls Trump’s bluff


AP Explains: Mexico president raises hopes, ruffles feathers

He's a turkey.


Trump’s talk of cease-fire appears to surprise Taliban, Afghan government

Surprise. Surprise. [Don Farto blows it out his ass again.]


Ukraine Aid Was Released After Federal Lawyers Said Trump Freeze Was Illegal: Report

When it comes to Ukraine, Trump’s alleged misdeeds go beyond quid pro quos

Pompeo says Trump’s debunked Ukraine conspiracy theory is worth looking into

Towards what end? Even if they were to be true, how does that excuse Trump's trying to rig the 2020 election in his favor!? Are they trying to set up the insanity defense for Trump? Is that it? Is Fat Pompy claiming that all the conspiracy theories drove Trump crazy enough to shakedown & extort Ukraine--and that therefore Trump should be sent to live in an insane asylum instead of to prison--Or, worse still, be totally absolved of all his wrongdoing?! Really, what is the GOP's end game in pursuing this insanity?!

’But you know, his grammar might have been right’: Lt. Col. Vindman bashed John Solomon in testimony

Pompeo says Trump’s debunked Ukraine conspiracy theory is worth looking into

Proof, if anyone needs proof, that Pompeo is lying through his teeth when he claims he wasn't in on Trump's shakedown of Ukraine.

Not enough Pinocchios for Trump’s CrowdStrike obsession

Chris Cuomo Baffles GOP Rep. With Harsh Schooling On Ukraine Conspiracy Theory


The White House Won’t Participate In Judiciary Committee’s First Impeachment Hearing

Now, now, I'm sure if they had ANY evidence they wanted to come out they would participate.


White House says it is considering tariffs of up to 100 percent on $2.4 billion in French imports

White House sez that's what Putin would do.

The Finance 202: Trump stuns Wall Street, foreign capitals with new trade fights

That's what Putin would do [to harm the West].


How to make sure your donated items aren’t burdening charities

Have somebody from the city dump take a look at'em: If they quote you a fee for trucking'em away chances are they'll be a burden on a charity too.


A bear was struck on I-66 in Manassas, causing delays

Reportedly it didn't do the bear any good either.


Mohammed bin Salman has learned nothing

Those who are given too much power invariably abuse it.


Italian politician offended after Holocaust survivor said Jesus was Jewish

Sez he's pretty sure Jesus was Samoan.


Firearms most lethal suicide method by far in the US

Even more lethal than jumping off the Empire State Building (because wind may blow you in through an open window on the way down).


Is the Bible right? Newly discovered fossils show snakes had legs

Is Trump right? Rabbits found to have long ears.


This man records each day of his life

Unfortunately it's always just variations of the same song: "Oooba-la-booba-la-baaba...!"


What is the best way to speed-read?

Judge books by their covers & leave it there.


Why do Estonian children start school at seven?

Because 40-year-old first graders just ain't right.


Tucker Carlson Finally Goes There: Backs Russian Invasion Of Ukraine

In Tucker's defense: He's a lot more open about it than the GOP (GOP = GOnePutin) American arm of the Russian Intelligence Service.

Russia to label some journalists 'foreign agents'

Putin sez this is in response to his Republican operatives being continually outed in the US. Sez he could even run out of GOP mules to ferry his Russia disinformation into the United States, for God's sakes. [Romney has already said he's not doing it anymore!]


Trump Gets A Stark Reminder About How He Knows Prince Andrew - Trump claimed not to know the scandal-hit British royal — but photos of them together prove otherwise.

What a surprise.


Placido Domingo Responds To Sex Harassment Claims: Spaniards Are 'Affectionate'

So are your fellow inmates in prison, and a stiff prison sentence should inform Placido of just how unwelcome the attention of affectionate others can really be. [Maybe he can even write an opera about this in prison.]


51-Year-Old MLB Great Blasts 3 Straight Home Runs While Smoking Cigar

Excellent! I will start smoking again as soon as I put the newspaper down.


Ex-Labor Secretary Reveals Who Beats Donald Trump To ‘Most Dangerous Politician’ Title

Moscow Mitch takes yet another lap for Putin by a nose. [Yes, it stinks.]


Elizabeth Warren Wants To Help Workers With Unpredictable Schedules

How are unpredictable schedules going to help workers?!?


I’m A Surgeon. Here’s What Happened When I Held My Patient’s Hand And Prayed For Her.

"F**k the priest! Get me a doctor!"


Facebook has floated limiting political ads and labeling that they aren’t fact-checked, riling 2020 campaigns

That might be the way to go: Tell the public that it's entirely up to them to determine truth from lies. [As it has always been, and will always be.] And, in any case, that if a political ad is not a lie then it's probably not a political ad.


A dozen reasons why Republicans’ impeachment defense makes no sense - Republicans have decided that the most corrupt president in U.S. history is an international corruption fighter.

Well, maybe perhaps it's because disreputable Donald Trump feels remorse about his own corruption and is now an anti-corruption superhero [Corruptman!]. Or, maybe perhaps it's because, since Trump's business is corruption, he is merely trying to eliminate as much of the competition as possible. [Watch whether this becomes a Republican talking point soon. Would it surprise anyone?]

How Trump’s boundless corruption keeps tripping him up in court

Trump Is the Founders’ Worst Nightmare


Mick Mulvaney’s Air Force One Outfit Becomes A Hilarious Meme: ‘Trump’s Caddy’

In Mick 'The Weasel' Mulvaney’s defense: Making Trump's caddy is a definite promotion up from his previous job keeping Trump's jockstrap warm for him.


The useful idiot from Louisiana

His usefulness: Proof that one doesn't need a brain to become a Senator. [There's hope for us all!... stupid enough to want to run for the Senate.]


Trump Abruptly Leaves NATO Summit After Video of Counterparts Discussing Him

Sez he kept hearing his thin skin cracking with pain under his underwear for mercy [for a poor unfortunate persecuted president]. And that he wanted to lift his spirits with his Mommy Melania back home enjoying all the hunger pangs outside the White House of the multitudes he ordered starved while they themselves ate a stupendous Christmas feast inside:

Trump Administration Cutting Off Food Stamps for Nearly 700,000

The White House finalizes a new rule requiring more people to go hungry


Republicans’ Witness Makes the Case for Waiting for More Evidence

Sez that if the Sun hasn't burned out yet then there's plenty of time still for a few hundred thousand more witnesses.


An Artist Duct Taped A Banana To A Wall And Sold It For $120,000

Not coincidentally the guy who bought it also had a banana taped to his head (which he says gave him the idea to buy it).

Someone ate the $120,000 banana at Art Basel. Some quick thinking saved the day

Police said that, one way or another, they will recover the stolen artwork.

Don’t ask if the duct-tape banana is art. Ask if it’s any good.

Only the guy who ate it knows for sure.


How To Answer ‘Why Are You Looking For A Job Change?’

1) show'em your pink slip


Nikki Haley: Mass murderer Dylann Roof ‘hijacked’ meaning of Confederate flag

The Confederacy (for which that flag stood) was all about trying to preserve the human slavery of one race for the profit of another. So one must wonder exactly how much worse than that Dylann Roof ‘hijacked’ its meaning for!?


Italian priest, and 2 Kenyan men who say he’s their father

Priest sez he's everybody's father. Didn't help his cause.


SpaceX Delays Space Station Delivery Due to High Wind

Well, it would have to be to be making trouble in outer space!


Giuliani returns to Ukraine, signals apparent disregard for inquiry

It's almost as if Trump and Giuliani had a guaranteed fix on the impeachment--Oh, wait, they do: The Senate Republicans are all in their pockets.

White House blasts inquiry, rejects invitation to participate in process as Trump focuses on Senate

You want knock Trump off his high horse? Send every penny you have to support anybody running against these crooked Senate Republicans.

Republicans mount ad blitz on impeachment, making some vulnerable Democrats nervous


Joni Mitchell figured out the perfect gift for the people who have everything

A Yo-Yo. I know a lot of people who have everything and not one of them has a Yo-Yo.

You could teach a political science class on all of Tom Steyer’s bad ideas


Five myths about black voters

1) They're all good dancers.


Trump: Giuliani will report to Justice Department, Congress on his investigations in Ukraine

Sez he's pretty sure Giuliani found that Hillary Clinton is the prime minister of Ukraine.


Orphaned Baby Giraffe Famous For Friendship With Dog Has Died

Police want to know where the dog was at the time giraffe 'died.'


‘I Don’t Know:’ Biden Says He Hasn’t Asked What Hunter Did In Ukraine

But that if he had to say what it might have been: It was probably nothing. Just plain nothing: "He might have looked out a window once."

Joe Biden: He is no Brutus. So don't look for him to save his country if it means that his son won't land a good job. [from the best-selling Political Campaign Ad To Elect Joe Biden]


Democrats leveraged Trump’s fixation on Space Force to pursue parental-leave victory for federal workers

They should have asked for Mulvaney or Giuliani instead (or even in addition to). Trump is flexible & can't help getting screwed.


What Not to Do on Your Work Computer

1) Google "how to murder your boss"


Hypnosis Changed My Life

And now I'm young, rich, gorgeous, loved, famous, and have won three Nobel Peace Prizes! [Shit! I just hope the hypnotist doesn't trip.]


The Four Secrets of Success

1) rich mother
2) rich father
3) rich uncle
4) rich wife


This Restaurant in Sweden Offers Every Meal Served at the Nobel Banquet

Apparently the Nobel people were too excited to eat'em, so enjoy!


House Judiciary Chairman: Jury Would Find Trump Guilty In ‘3 Minutes Flat’

Unless we're talking about an all-white jury of Republicans from states left behind by the idea of democracy in America.


As impeachment articles are revealed, Trump signals continued corruption

Even as the cops put the handcuffs on him Trump doubles down on his crimes of corruption. What a surprise. It's almost as if he's trying to prove that criminals don't stop themselves--Criminals have to be stopped.

Will the GOP’s born-again Trumpers ever pay the price for selling out?


Analysis: Trump’s Instinct After Florida Killings Is to Protect Saudis

In Trump's defense: 'Saudis' is his code name of 'my dollars'


Michael Bloomberg Criticized For Calling Cory Booker ‘Well-Spoken’

Cory Booker sez he's a crazy hollering moefkr & that everybody knows it.


The case for impeachment

The only people who could possibly have been surprised that Trump would abuse the powers of the presidency were those who had never even heard of him, or those who were stupid enough to buy The Apprentice's selling of its dipstick star's self-fabricated 'legend' for the sake of their show's ratings. [And, yes, I personally know a couple of viewers that stupid.]


Trump’s Strongest Allies In Congress Don’t Care How History Will Remember Them

It won't be pretty.


How to Fix Pakistan’s Crashing Economy

Does not say why I should wanna fix it. [So they can afford more nukes, silly!]


Trump Wants to Take From the Poor and Give to the Wealthy

In Trump's defense: That's how he made most of his money.


Ancient underground Roman basilica gets a face-lift

They're hard at work now trying to find its face. Some believe it's buried 'outside' somewhere.


Bill Cosby sex assault verdict upheld; spokesman lashes out

Sez there is no justice for those who pay him to say there is no justice for those who pay him to say there is no justice for them. O!


Scientists Pumped Ovarian Tissue Full of Sugar and Microwaved It. Here’s Why

They were working late, hungry, and all the delivery places were closed.


Why the Great Auk Is Gone for Good

Finally someone is willing to come right out & say that it's a good thing a species went extinct.


William Shatner Reportedly Files For Divorce From His Fourth Wife

Guess the one-captain-one-crewmember-only didn't work out.


Trump May Be ‘So Much Worse’ Than Nixon But Republicans Don’t Seem To Mind

Dictators don't rule by themselves alone--All dictators are always propped up by a clique of henchmen & parasites hoping to gain their pittance even at the cost of selling out all of their countrymen.


Canadians detained in China after Huawei arrest have now spent a year in custody

Them's the price the greedy must pay for being greedy enough to risk making a coupla bucks in Hell. [Next time go make money in a country where people are ruled by laws & not by dictators from Hell.]


With Trump, All Roads Lead to Moscow

It is not unprecedented for the Russians to have placed their operatives even at the highest leadership levels of their enemy countries: I just hope the Americans are as ready to stop a Trump escape attempt to Russia as were the Chinese when they stopped a similar escape attempt by their Russian mole Lin Piao. And not as unprepared as were the Ukrainians when the Putin operative the Russians bankrolled into the presidency of Ukraine successfully escaped to Moscow with billions of Ukrainian cash.


As Democrats announce impeachment, Trump signals corruption will continue

Christopher Wray, basically: Don’t listen to Trump’s Ukraine conspiracy theories

Sure, I understand Trump's frustration: He keeps running into too many honest cops when he's assuming that every cop he'll meet is dirty. Pity the poor criminal!


Why this farmer moves his cows every day

It's easier than shovelling out of the apartments he keeps moving them into? [Let the landlord deal with it. And, keep the deposit.]


I Have Cerebral Palsy And Just Shot My First Porn. Here’s Why (And How) I Did It.

I told them that I wanted to film my prom. But they must have misunderstood me. In any case, it was all done quite tastefully, all things considered.


What’s the greenest way to travel?

In a banana boat?


UFC fighter offers to beat politicians for Trump 'free of charge'

"Wait until Trump's re-elected." ["We'll see then."]


Gun Violence Is A Public Health Crisis — But It Can Be Fixed

At the ER, yes. Well, sometimes yes, sometimes no.


Donald Trump Jr. Slams Time For Naming Greta Thunberg Person of the Year

Sez if he lives 10 years he will never get why they didn't pick Hunter Biden.


Runner Who Assaulted Reporter On Live TV: ‘I Was Caught Up In The Moment’

Wasn't that Charles Manson's defense too?


Gift Ideas To Help Your Family Get Off The Couch In The New Year

Way ahead of you: I got each one of them a spring-loaded fatass-lifter.


All The Crazy Places Plastic Has Ended Up This Year

People have imagined the end of the world through nuclear war or asteroid strikes or deadly germs (etc.) but the funny thing is that the end of the world may already have been brought about by a glut of plastic! [And that we are all just waiting it out complacently sipping our straws.]

My Fear Of Spiders Was So Debilitating, I'm In Exposure Therapy. Here's What It's Like.

Moreover, it's heartwarming, endearing, and even very encouraging to know that there are people in this world whose main (and even sole) terror in life is a little spider.


Barr’s handpicked prosecutor tells inspector general he can’t back right-wing theory that Russia case was U.S. intelligence setup

Barr doesn’t accept key inspector general finding about FBI’s Russia investigation

With all the evidence that has surfaced about Trump's attempts to rig the 2020 election and his extortion of Ukraine using American taxpayers' money as if it were his, one wonders why [so-called Attorney General of The United States] Bill 'Luca Brasi' Barr hasn't at least opened a preliminary investigation into the possibility that those crimes could have/might have been, you know: crimes?

After all, the Department of Justice [before 'Luca Brasi' Barr infiltrated it, of course] investigated [that little Mueller thing] Trump and found MONUMENTAL EVIDENCE of witness intimidation, witness tampering, and obstruction of justice--for which crimes, I imagine, Trump will be prosecuted once he's no longer president (although he probably can't imagine this). Not to mention all those election laws Trump & his mob broke... along with cheating everybody who ever worked for him or he ever did any business with, tax fraud, wire fraud, bank fraud, falsifying legal documents, and lying to every court & legal authority in the book. Trump & his whole crooked family already got convicted of stealing from a charity--something for which people usually get sent up to years & years in prison, but Trump & his family got off with just a promise not to do it again!!! O, wouldn't it be wonderful if you could be a bank robber and when you get caught you get off with a simple promise to not rob any more banks? [Or what is Justice in America for?]

In any case, shouldn't 'Luca Brasi' Barr be impeached and prosecuted for dereliction of duty at the least?!

Inspector general says Barr’s hand-picked prosecutor failed to convince him FBI was wrong to open Trump campaign investigation

William Barr’s deceptions are more dangerous than you think. Here’s the latest.

The Perverse Servility of Bill Barr

Trump learns that fake charities are tons of fun until you get caught

Trump pays $2 million in damages ordered by judge over misuse of charity funds, according to NY attorney general

What to do with an attorney general who disdains justice

William Barr is unfit to be attorney general

The transcript Trump released is still the only evidence needed to impeach him


Trump’s Strongest Allies In Congress Don’t Care How History Will Remember Them

And that tells you everything you need to know about what all the Republicans there think of protecting their own reputations!

A good reputation is not unlike a downy feather stuck by a breeze to your nose tickling you with its precariousness--While a bad one is like a ghost of some vicious dog that's been too long dead now ever to again let go.

Sirs, reputation is what the cop tickets the car for--Character is only the wild pile of excuses its driver kicks up at the too patient cop: Character would be a nice thing to have, yes, always a good thing to have. But while character is many an ideal, reputation is life's one reality. For what was a man if but his unquenchable reputation? What is a man if but his life's reputation yet to be quenched?

Character is a mere choreography after all, ever self-made, always self-centered, faking it gracefully unseen across stages of Man's hidden aim silently (for his most private purposes performing perfectly), moving warped from one empty ideal to the next one (warped blindly). While a man's reputation is those steps he has danced noisily stumbling over the wooden old stages of his uncurtained performances revealed to us all. Guard therefore all of your possible steps and not one of your impossible speculations, Barr--And all you other Republicans there.

Harvard Law Professor Warns Mitch McConnell’s Impeachment Strategy Could Backfire


Hundreds of anti-vaxxers flood New Jersey capital to protest bill that would end religious exemptions

I don't understand it: A lot of germs know who's religious and therefore don't infect them. Don't the government people know this?!


Populist nationalism is on the march. No one seems to know how to stop it.

Don't worry: A world war usually stops these trends.


Impeachment exposes the widening gap between Republicans and the truth

O how the degradation of the Republicans inspires me unto greater & greater heights!

The cowardice of these Republicans can be succinctly expressed in one self-evident fact: They can be bought. For a man so frightened of losing his day job that he would sell out his country just to keep it is obviously somebody who can be bought for the right price. It's harder to imagine going up to any Democrat now and thinking he or she can be bought for even a quite solid price--Putin doesn't look like he's doing it. And yet the notion that many a Republican is in Putin's pocket isn't as far-fetched now: A lot of'em certainly make no bones about this (Trump especially).

One of the most curious things about this GOP is that these Republican sellouts don't seem to grasp the dangerous [to themselves] history of paranoid criminal leaders like Donald Trump: Notorious cruel criminal paranoids like Trump are even more likely to put a hit on their own henchmen than on anybody else outside their gang: Criminal leaders are almost invariably, exactly like Trump, warped paranoids who usually become leaders because they are pitiless cutthroats (like Trump) who usually grow to believe that their underlings & associates are always plotting against them [which, oddly enough, is usually necessarily true] and whether proven not are much quicker to stab'em in the back than to give them the benefit of a calmly considered defense--At least an honest [genuinely stable, unlike Trump] leader even if he finds an associate is plotting against him usually goes through some long [legal] process to set him aside. It's like these mindlessly childish Republicans imagine that their lickspittling will make them immune from Trump's paranoid wrath even AFTER suffering it themselves a number of times and seeing others like them time & time again thrown under the bus most unjustly by him!

How to expose Republican lies


UN study: Israeli military control costs Palestinians $2.5b each year

Does not say how many Jewish lives it would cost Israel each year if the Israeli military did NOT control Palestinians.


Trump Whines ‘It’s Not Fair’ And Gets The Treatment On Twitter

GOP Sen. Lindsey Graham dismisses idea that he has to be a 'fair juror'

Lord, what hypocrites! With the way the Republicans have made their whining about how 'unfair' they keep saying the House impeachment has been... to now dismiss their own fix of the Senate trial as anything other than just that is really, really funny!

All the small crooks always try to conceal their crimes. But you can tell when you're talking to a really big criminal because he just doesn't give a damn whether you know exactly who & what he really is. So look right in front of your nose and learn!


Will any Republicans show respect for the Constitution?

No. [from the best-selling "Have Sex With Satan!" The New Trump Republicans' 2020 Election Motto]

I Headed the F.B.I. and C.I.A. There’s a Dire Threat to the Country I Love.

Today the fate of this nation's rule of law is in the hands of the Senate's Republican chiselers, crooks, and criminals. And their votes certainly looks as if it's going to go the way of their putrid souls.

Judge Orders Wisconsin To Purge Nearly 234,000 Voters From The Voter Rolls


Carolyn Hax: When your heavy hubby won’t exercise without you, or with you

It means he's in a win-win situation on the sofa.


New York teen reportedly faked her kidnapping on a Bronx street

Witnesses described it to the cops as more of a conniption than a kidnapping.


I'm Choosing Not To Have Kids Because I Care About The Environment

I hear you, brother: I had kids & even with disposable diapers they were still crapping up the place.


I Didn’t Have Sex For 10 Years. When I Finally Did, It Sent Me To The ER.

Guy, you have to expect the price of a ho to have gone up some over 10 years.


Human Genome Recovered From 5,700-Year-Old Chewing Gum

Does not say whether it was a gumball or a Chiclets.


Biden’s Youth Problem

Sanders Is Struggling With Older Voters

Missed opportunity: If Sanders & Biden were gay they could have now married and become one really popular ticket with every voting age group.


As goes his presidency, so goes his impeachment: Trump disrupts and divides

Michigan Republicans Urge Trump To Apologize For Attack On Late Rep. John Dingell

Why Trump would even attack John Dingell is why he must be removed from office.


Rep. Tulsi Gabbard Casts Lone ‘Present’ Vote On Articles Of Impeachment

In Tulsi's defense: She might not have understood what was going on around her, but at least she knew she was there.


Under Stephen Miller plan, ICE to use child migrant data to expand deportation efforts

It's the Gestapo all over again.

25 Jewish Lawmakers Call On Trump To Fire Stephen Miller In Scathing Open Letter


John Dingell was a bigger man than Trump will ever be

Ah! That would explain Trump's attacks against him: If there's one thing Trump is painfully aware of it's just how small a man he himself is.

Ronald Reagan’s Daughter Torches Donald Trump: ‘His Cruelty Really Has No Limits’


Republicans Defended Trump With... A Moment Of Silence?

Does not say whether it was because Trump's crimes are indefensible or because Trump is toast.


Ex-officials say they feared Putin influenced Trump’s views on Ukraine and 2016 - One former senior White House official said President Trump even stated so explicitly at one point, saying he knew Ukraine was the real culprit because “Putin told me.”

In Trump's defense: He is a well-known meathead who probably hasn't yet picked up on the fact that Putin does not head the CIA.


‘We’ve seen enough’: Editorial boards weigh in on impeachment

What the Democrats have to do in the 2020 election is not just to explain to Trump's voters why the Democrats are better than the Republicans but why they, Trump's voters, are better than Trump.

Six myths exploded on impeachment day

Why the House’s impeachment of Trump was proper and necessary

Republicans are outmatched, outwitted and outclassed


More than 700 scholars pen letter urging House to impeach Trump

Rudy Giuliani, William Barr, Pence, Nunes, Jordan, Ratcliffe, Pompeo, Lindsey Graham, McConnell, Kevin McCarthy, Scalise, Stefanik, Chris Stewart, Chris Collins, Doug Collins, John Neely Kennedy and so many other Republicans have all made themselves human garbage--and whether they were human garbage before, they have all now surely closed history's dumpster over their stinking heads with a clang.

Russian disinformation network said to have helped spread smear of U.S. ambassador to Ukraine

How in the Hell did the Republicans become the party of Russian propaganda in the United States?! That's what I'd like to know: Because what we have now is America and the Democrats on one side trying to make sure that the next election is carried out honestly & fairly. And then Republicans and Russia's disinformation networks on the other side trying to rig the 2020 election for Trump! Who will come out ahead? Russia and its Republican sellouts, or the United States of America?

Putin says allegations against Trump are 'completely fabricated'

Wonder what came first: This GOP talking point or this same identical Putin talking point? [I wonder if we will ever know.]

How Trump’s conversations with Putin overlapped with his emerging Ukraine conspiracy theories

Who could have possibly imagined that the Republican Party would become the anti-American mouthpiece of Russian misinformation & propaganda--for have they not assented with their silence when Trump calls the FBI, the CIA, the State Department and the Diplomatic cores "scum" implying Putin instead is the true friend & defender of American values like democracy!? Say it aloud and see just how insane it sounds. And yet it is the mantra of today's GOP and Putin's true pal Trump.

The latest Russia bombshell bolsters Democrats’ demand for evidence

In Ukraine, Trump’s allies are corrupt oligarchs and Russian stooges

Trump’s dealings with Ukraine are helping the Kremlin and hurting the U.S.

How a Putin ally is aiding Giuliani in Ukraine

This scandal keeps getting worse for Rudy Giuliani

Rudy Giuliani Tells Reporter: ‘I Know How Not To Commit Crimes’

Just not in front of the entire world, apparently.

A judge ordered up to 234,000 people to be tossed from the registered voter list in a swing state

Georgia purged 309,000 voters from its rolls. It’s the second state to make cuts in less than a week.

Trump Adviser Caught On Tape: Voter Suppression Key To GOP Battleground Efforts

What a surprise.

Trump’s Defenders Think We’re Idiots

Sometimes everybody in the room knows the liar is lying but will play along with the lie right to his face because they too are getting a bit of something cut from the lie. And that's the state of the Trump Republicans these days. [So don't even for a brief moment believe them when they say they don't have any evidence that the lie's a lie: It's just evidence that they like the lie.].

A moderate Democrat sold his soul to save his hide. He got what he deserved.

A way for these reprehensible Republicans to still creepily save some face (but something which is apparently not in their nature to do) would be:

     The Perfect Divided Nation Compromise.

Senate Republicans could convict Trump for crimes which are certainly beyond dispute and yet permit him to run in 2020 so that he no longer has the authority to rig his own presidential election (which nothing short of making sure that he is NOT in office will prevent). And this will still allow the American voters to have the final word on whether they want him to continue on as their president, even so. [Don't hold your breath.]


Republican compares Democrats unfavorably to Pontius Pilate

And now, after having favorably compared The Donald to Jesus one really must wonder what other even more outrageously warped over-the-top defense of Trump there could possibly be left out there for them to use next! [But we'll see: These Republicans' debasement is bottomless.]

GOP Rep. Claims Trump Is Being Treated Worse Than Jesus

Ex-Reagan Adviser Makes Ominous Prediction About How Trump Will Respond To Impeachment

As goes his presidency, so goes his impeachment: Trump disrupts and divides


Trump Has Been Impeached. Republicans Are Following Him Down. Vote these people out to protect American democracy. - The Editorial Board

To the free press of the American People I say: This White House is a lair of criminals--Keep after them! And keep after them until they face the justice they are so smugly convinced they can simply laugh at!

Why the House’s impeachment of Trump was proper and necessary


Pelosi says House may withhold impeachment articles, delaying Senate trial

Absolutely! If the Senate Republicans have already indicated they will acquit Trump in spite of so much overwhelming proof of his crimes, then there is no point in sending them the articles of his impeachment: Certainly let Trump remain permanently impeached and face the 2020 election without the Senate Republicans' shameful planned 'vindication.'

Here’s how long Pelosi should hold onto the articles of impeachment

Mitch McConnell Blasts Process As ‘Rushed’ And ‘Unfair’

And Nancy Pelosi should wholeheartedly agree with poor Mitch 100% and immediately assure him that she will wait for the courts to complete their deliberations on all possible supplemental witnesses--only after which may the House and the Senate then proceed to set up a joint conference committee to carefully work out their differences over which witnesses must & should be heard from BEFORE the House then proceeds to hand over the articles of Trump's impeachment to the Senate for trial. It would certainly be a win-win situation for everyone; and a process with which I'm sure Trump and McConnell MUST agree.

Harvard Law Professor Explains Why Pelosi’s Plan To Delay Impeachment Trial Is Brilliant

Could Democrats impeach Trump twice? They might have to.

House Democrats say in court filings new impeachment charges possible

New emails help peel back the layers of pressure surrounding Trump’s July 25 call with Zelensky

New evidence for impeachment keeps turning up. That’s why we need witnesses.


Liverpool beat Flamengo to win Fifa Club World Cup

Hell, if all it takes to win a Fifa Cup is beating up a flamengo I can do that.


'Catastrophic' conditions fuel Australia wildfires

Good! Because they say the world is facing more & more 'Catastrophic' conditions, so I'm guessing we won't be running out of fuel any time soon, after all.


What happens to child prodigies when they grow up?

They usually have to get a job.


A woman told police she rammed a teen with her car because the girl was ‘a Mexican’

Incredulous cops berated her: Did you ask if she was a Mexican? Did you check out her ID? Was she even wearing a traditional Mexican costume?!


Russia names shooter in attack on spy headquarters

And his name will be: Pupas Pakalukas


Santas frequently find furry friends in their laps these days

Well, the times are getting hairier, so why not the tykes!


I've Been Laid Off Three Times During the Holidays — Here's What I've Learned

When your only job is as a department store Santa it never works claiming it's very demeaning to dress up as Santa Claus.


Trump Praised ‘Impressive’ Nancy Pelosi In 2008 Interview: ‘I Like Her A Lot’

Yeah, but that was when he was thinking of raping her. Now he's thinking she's trying to rape him. [from the monster movie The Brain of Donald J. Trump]


Processed meat recalls rise dramatically as consumers bite down on metal, plastic and glass

Well, some manufacturers sell smaller & smaller portions to not raise their price, and others add metal, plastic and glass fillers. What's the big deal? [It's how business is done. Ask Trump.]


Trump touts Putin speaking out against his impeachment

In Trump's defense: What higher authority on American Politics would Trump cite?

People Can't Believe Trump Thinks Putin's Support In Impeachment Fight Is A Good Thing


Trump rages at Christian magazine that called him ‘grossly immoral,’ but still finds evangelical support “The fact is, no President has ever done what I have done for Evangelicals, or religion itself!” wrote Trump.

Although I believe the publication said that the reason they wanted him out was because he was ‘grossly immoral,’ and not because he had not done enough for the Evangelicals: As I understand it all the Evangelicals that Trump bought are staying bought.

[So Trump tears babies from their mothers' arms; is a serial adulterer; debases & insults the living & the dead alike--war heroes & their families; does all he can to cheat on his own election; steals cash from charities, and from everyone who works for him or he's ever been in business with; boasts of his tax frauds; takes the side of Putin's Russia against the entire American Establishment; spews out Goddamns with every curse coming out of his mouth but, hey, he does say 'Merry Christmas!']

I believe all the CT magazine was trying to say was that the Evangelicals need an anti-Christ who won't be as immoral as Trump.

Now, as the Senate Republicans prepare to take an oath to be impartial jurors in their trial of Trump, I suppose McConnell, Graham & all the other disciples of Trump will be spitting on the Bible this time instead of placing their hands on it. [And all the "God-fearing" Evangelicals in the United States will again applaud & approve yet one more blasphemy naturally, you know: for the sake of expediency.]

   "Senate Republicans Declare Trump: Innocent As Sin!"

[Well, it's very likely that Trump when tried by the Senate Republicans will require a new category of verdict just for himself and I imagine that this one will be as good as any.]

Could Democrats impeach Trump twice? They might have to.

Were I a betting man, though, I'd bet one shiny nickel that McConnell will not quickly agree to a resolution (and no matter how much Trump may push for it) because, frankly, I very much suspect McConnell and the Senate Republicans are not as eager as they claim to have Trump win a second term as GOP dictator.


Police Blotter: 28 killed as bus plunges into ravine in Indonesia

Cops say it might have been the quickest killer ever.

It’s None Of My Business If Homeless People Use The Money I Give Them For Drugs

"I gave them the money for drugs. They wanna waste it on groceries--ain't my bad."

She was ordered to repay victims she scammed as a travel agent. She then scammed new victims to pay back the old ones, prosecutors said.

I feel for you, sister: One time I was late for work and the cops got me for speeding. Which only made me even more late. So they got me again for speeding even faster. [Lost my license. And I had to drive around without a license for months!] Laws, right?!

Someone shot and killed a bald eagle, and officials are searching for the culprit

Some hairline-receded punk out there wearing a feather toupee is in big trouble.

Two dogs escaped on a cold winter’s night. The tale ends warmly, thanks to a bus driver.

Ran them over with his bus before they could bite somebody? Kudos.

Authorities shot a woman during a botched raid at her home. The real suspect was already in jail.

Police claim it's all the real suspect's fault for not being there to warn them off. Court will weigh in on it.

‘Why bother with impeachment?’ and other readers’ impeachment questions, answered

Yeah! Why bother with charging people for breaking the law? I say: Get rid of all the country's courts and police departments--They are costing us money. In the worst neighborhoods, give everyone a machinegun and a hand grenade: That way they can take care of themselves just fine without having everybody paying for all those cops, lawyers & judges.

Woman who drove into a girl for being ‘a Mexican’ hit a black child the same day, police say

Sure, why not? If they don't catch you for committing one crime, keep on committing crimes until they do catch you! It's a new world out there: MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! [Abbreviation of the Spanish 'mangar' = to cheat, steal, scrounge, deceive, etc. from the best-selling What The Devil Doesn't Want You To Know]


Russia leading world in hypersonic weapons: Putin

Sez if the world blows itself up Russians can definitely feel proud that they were Numbero Uno!


Andrew Yang Has The Most Conservative Health Care Plan In The Democratic Primary

Although not as conservative as the GOP's you-get-sick-you-pay-for-it proposal they're still trying to convince Trump that it isn't too far left wing liberal.


Poll: About Half The Public Approves Of Vote To Impeach Trump

The other half approves of strangers who come to your house and return underwear you had the funny feeling were missing. "Here. You might have to wash'em a couple of times."


Michael Bloomberg Confirms He Used Prison Labor To Make 2020 Campaign Calls

Sez nobody makes people go out & vote like a call from a con sez you better do it.


Wild turkey menace: Angry birds are pecking cars, deflating kiddie pools and harassing the elderly

This is what happens when you take away someone's right to vote.


My Family Is Hindu But We Celebrate Christmas. Here's Why.

We make our money selling Christmas decorations.


Trump Promotes Top Mulvaney Aide Who Refused To Cooperate With Impeachment

Yet another message from Trump to possible witnesses against him: What a surprise. [Keep those impeachment chestnuts roasting on an open fire!]


Journalist leaves Christian Post amid its plans to attack Christianity Today - Mae Cannon, who has worked for major evangelical organizations like World Vision and megachurch Willow Creek and consulted for Compassion International, said that many institutional leaders fear that their organizations could lose support if they criticize Trump.

Yes, ofttimes The Lord presents one with the choice of money or Christ, and it is the rare soul chooses not to walk off with the money instead of walking with Christ.


Daycare Owner Arrested After 26 Kids Found Behind False Wall

In daycare owner's defense: The house was made of gingerbread.


China’s top quantum scientist has ties to the country’s defense companies

In scientist's defense: Technically it's called 'entanglement'.


Catholic Church Used Crop Duster To Spray Holy Water Over Louisiana Town

Various vampires who do not rest in peace in that particular town to sue for damages. Stay tuned.


She tried to cash a $1M check for a yacht in Miami, cops say — and that led to trouble

"I'd like it in fives & tens, please."


Moscow police detain opposition leader Navalny

At this point I think the only reason Putin releases Navalny is because he couldn't re-arrest him if he didn't.


Dear men: There’s no evidence that eating Impossible Whoppers will give you breasts

But just in case they do: Wash'em down with Red Bull, so they don't sag.


She planned to marry rich. The whole sugar-daddy thing didn’t pan out.

Now she's living on the street and rife with cavities.


Dogs can count, new study reveals

I know my dog is always counting on my knowing how to use a can opener: I can see it in his eyes every time I head for the kitchen.


What Will It Take to Beat Donald Trump?

A wised-up electorate.

The GOP is campaigning against voting — and it’s winning in some states


Anguish and Anger From the Navy SEALs Who Turned In Edward Gallagher - The men of Alpha Platoon, SEAL Team 7, described Chief Gallagher as “freaking evil” and “toxic” in videos not shown publicly before.

"Sorry," sez Trump: "But we freaking evil and toxic people gots to stick together." [Then he laughed maniacally.]

Trump’s pardon of Gallagher just got even more appalling


I Canceled Christmas This Year And Everyone Is Fine

By The Grinch [The lie courtesy of Donald Trump]


Trump picks Miami megachurch with pastor who speaks in tongues for evangelicals event

Pastor had very little to say as tongues are not that easy to come by.


GOP Sen. Lisa Murkowski ‘Disturbed’ By McConnell Coordination With Trump Over Impeachment

Sez she's disturbed all right, but she'll still go along with whatever Trump & McConnell command all right, all right. She is a Republican, you know.

GOP Sen. Susan Collins Sides With Mitch McConnell On Impeachment Trial

What a surprise.


Indonesian Muslims protest China's treatment of Uighurs

Chinese protest Indonesia's treatment of its Christians.


New Russian weapon can travel 27 times the speed of sound

Excellent! Now we won't have to fear death knocking on your door: You'll just walk in and Death will be waiting for you sitting on you sofa and watching the TV. And you won't even have to get into a big stupid argument with Death, either, about playing a game of chess.

Now the decision whether to launch an all-out counter nuclear attack must be fully automated, since human beings can't react that quickly. Hooray! [Government already hiring those whiz kids writing the Tesla self-driving algorithms.]


Border briefly closes as piano tuner is mistaken for bomb

Border re-opens after piano tuner finally hits all the right notes.


Venezuela's poorest struggle to take care of their dead

Dead seem indifferent, for some reason.


The most disappointing technologies of the decade: Face computers, space tourism and Juicero

And, of course, the automatic toothpick. [I lost a fortune on that one.]


Why 2019 was a turning point in the global battle for democracy

Democracy is the best way to ensure a future that will be agreeable for us one & all. You'd be surprised just how precious is the right to say no (which only a democracy can grant a people). It's such a small thing, really--Such a small word: "No." In Communist Cuba every citizen has the absolute right to say yes. [Todos los Cubanos tienen el derecho de desir que si.] So say "No!" to the Republicans trying to destroy your right to say no here.


Trump warns Assad, Russia against Syrian offensive

The world wonders if Trump is possibly finally telling the truth for the first time in his life or just blowing it out his ass as usual. [Stay turned. Or not.]


If Aliens Existed Elsewhere in the Universe, How Would They Behave?

Like nobody on this entire earth was watching them.


Twitter Critics Go Bonkers When Ivanka Trump Says Family Separations Aren’t In ‘My Portfolio’

Ivanka is correct: Family Separations are only in the portfolio of human beings.


Will Florida Kill an Innocent Man?

"Sure. We do it all the time."


Lamb Lifts Vermont Past George Washington 76-51

Kids celebrated by roasting lamb: "It's what it would've wanted."


What if You Knew a Cookie Would Take 20 Minutes to Run Off?

Then I'd know that I would have sufficient time to put on my running shoes & tie all the shoelaces properly before going after it.


Trump Event in Miami Church May Violate IRS Rules, Non-Profit Says

What a surprise.


Md. zoo appeals after court says animals suffered in ‘fetid and dystopic conditions’

Zoo sez not to worry: All those animals are undocumented immigrants from other countries.


Police used a stun gun on a grandmother three times after she wouldn’t let them enter her home

Cops said 'when ya gotta go ya gotta go'.


Rare video shows a puffin using a tool to scratch an itch

Sez he couldn't find another puffin to stratch it for him. [I hear ya, brother.]


The Ottomans are back - what does that mean for Israel?

Legs raised while watching TV.


To recognize Black History Month, GOP lawmaker proposes a list of mostly white people

Best way to ensure that their story gets out. [White people's story, that is.]


Trump and his team take a big risk using their personal cellphones

Don't worry, what Putin doesn't hear on their phone lines Trump will tell him later.


Infowars Founder Who Claimed Sandy Hook Shooting Was a Hoax Ordered to Pay $100,000

And yet Trump and his Republican stooges keep pushing their self-evident Russian misinformation lies on America with complete impunity!

One can be subjective about an opinion but not about the facts. You can't point to an ant and say it's an elephant without everybody & his dog knowing it is a lie. It is NOT a political opinion, but a bald-face self-evident lie. And one day Justice must surely catch up to these sordid Republicans just as Truth has always eventually caught up with every liar that has ever been on the face of this earth.


Trump Winery Fired Undocumented Workers ? But Only After Grape Harvest Ended

Sounds like something Trump would do, yes.


Why Did One-Quarter of the World’s Pigs Die in a Year?

Our favorite team made it to the Super Bowl.


We Asked You to Name These Famous People. Here’s How You Did.

The only one I got right was Bozo The Clown.


Dolphins star arrested on battery charge for pushing his fiancée during a fight over a purse

Even behind bars football player still insists that he looked better with the purse than his fiancée ever would.


Heartbreaking photos show migrants traveling through Bosnia in search of a better life

This is the fault of the Great Powers whose first [human rights] duty is to create truly safe zones in countries at conflict for desperate civilians even when they don't want to take sides: Escape to Europe, America (or elsewhere) never solved anything: I am a Cuban refugee from communism and I can attest to the very real probability that if the West had intervened in Cuba when it had the chance instead of just absorbing Cuban refugees there would not be the misery and abuses in Cuba that still exist there to this day (60 years on).


Police Stop Black Drivers At Higher Rate Than Whites In California

Don't worry: They're just trying to make sure they get home safely.


We’ve been inching toward war with Iran for decades. Will it ever end?

No. The West has been in conflict with Iran as far back as 500 years before Christ, when the 'Iranians' first invaded Greece. So the idea that it will end sometime soon is fleeting, I'm afraid. [The good news, of course, is that Iran has always been a nation of bubblehotheads who have always lost their wars--often quite spectacularly: Alexander The Great conquered them with only a handful of his drinking buddies, I believe.]


Iran vows ‘severe revenge’ on the U.S. What does that mean?

Living well. Which is the best revenge. [I know it'd probably kill Trump.]

Republicans Celebrate Trump’s Targeted Killing Of Top Iranian General

If what they're celebrating is a war with Iran that will put Trump into the White House again in 2020, they might be disappointed: What they don't realize is that there are probably many more leaders in Iran who are glad to see Soleimani go than are willing to say so in public: This guy was a terrible human being whom, I'm sure, few of them wished to have as their boss: The proof of this will come in Iran's response to Trump's hit on him, of course, which I suspect will not be as apocalyptic as many are making it out to be.


Chuck Schumer Says Trump Doesn’t Have The Authority To Go To War With Iran

That's the crux of this entire impeachment drama: Trump, like every criminal, believes he has the authority to breach every law of man; and the only way this criminal misconception can be proven wrong is for men of law to stop the criminal. In Trump's case a huge segment of those sworn to uphold the law, namely almost the entire Republican Party, are instead aiding and abetting Trump's criminality: And as long as the Republicans continue this (their own criminality), Trump will continue breaking the law with a perverted sense of 'impunity entitlement'.


Trump says Iranian military leader was killed by drone strike ‘to stop a war,’ warns Iran not to retaliate

Translation: Trump is begging the Iranians to retaliate so he can become a wartime president and climb up a hill of corpses to immense second-hand popularity.

Was it risky for the U.S. to take public responsibility for killing Soleimani?

No: It was actually politically expedient for Trump's reelection.

Another Strike On Pro-Iran Convoy Reported North Of Baghdad


Analysis: Trump thought war with Iran could help reelect Obama. What about Trump?

Trump is an easy read. Too easy, in fact: You can see where he's going years ahead of time.

Perhaps Nancy Pelosi should announce that the Articles of Impeachment being delivered to the Senate should wait until after this whole Iranian question is answered one way or the other so it won't handcuff the president's freedom of action in the matter.


Why North Korea’s state media has barely mentioned U.S. killing of Iran’s Soleimani

Reminds people of Kim's assassinations of his uncle and his brother?


World Recoils As Trump Threatens Iranian Cultural Sites

Trump unable to understand what all the fuss is about, of course.

The president didn’t threaten just Iran’s culture sites. He threatened culture.

In Trump's defense: He has no more connection with human culture than a sea-going slug might have.


Jason Rezaian: Trump’s threats against cultural sites show he couldn’t care less about the Iranian people

Guy, Trump doesn't care about the American people.

Trump Administration Quietly Goes After Disability Benefits

Make that: Trump doesn't care about people. Just about himself.


Somebody released bedbugs inside a Walmart. Pennsylvania authorities want to know who — and why.

Police looking for a PETA extremist. ["I didn't want them freezing to death outside."]


Trump highlights objections to Bolton testimony at a trial

"He's liable to tell the truth!"


So You Lied To Your Partner. Now How Do You Tell Them?

Isn't the whole point of lying to avoid telling someone something? [from the best-selling Trump Talks]


Jim Bakker To Christians: You Must Love Trump To Prove You’re ‘Saved’

"What, you wanna be saved by Trump or you wanna be saved by Jesus? Make up your minds! [from the best-selling The Impatience of Hell]


Ex-RNC Chair Warns ‘Republican Party Is Going To Own’ Trump’s Actions On Iran

"Tell me who you're with and I'll tell you who you are." And the GOP is with Trump.

Mike Pompeo is now lying about his lies

"Tell me who you're with and I'll tell you who you are." And Pompeo is with Trump.

The company Trump keeps tells you everything you need to know


Salma Hayek Rubbed Tiffany Haddish’s Bunion And Good Things Happened

Does not say whether Tiffany Haddish’s Bunion is magical or Salma Hayek is a witch.


Tom Brady sure doesn’t sound like he’s retiring, says he has ‘more to prove’

Sez he's sure that an old man on a walker can quarterback a team to the Superbowl.


United Methodist Church Leaders Announces Plan To Split Over LGBTQ Inclusion

United will split? Sounds like the future of the current GOP rotten egg.


Harvey Weinstein Demands New Judge After Getting Scolded For Breaking Court Rules

Sez a celebrity should be able to pick a judge that agrees with him. [Like Trump.]


The Senate has conducted 15 impeachment trials. It heard witnesses in every one.

Maybe, but if this group of Republican 'jurors' is going to let the criminal off: ya can't have witnesses monkeying up their delicate rigging.


Republicans accuse majority of Americans of hating America

So, who's the enemy of the people now!


Pelosi Announces Vote to Limit Trump’s War-Making Power Against Iran

Trump thanks Pelosi for providing him with one more law he will now be able to break. ["Was running out of the damn things!"]

Trump proved himself to be America’s biggest security risk

GOP senator who erupted over Iran briefing shares awful new details

The most troubling part of Mike Lee’s broadside against the Trump administration’s Iran briefing

Trump’s Iran mess is getting worse. Here’s Adam Schiff’s idea on what to do about it.


Don’t allow McConnell to swear a false oath

"Oh yeah? Who gonna stop me?" McConnell asked.

Nancy Pelosi To Send Articles Of Impeachment To The Senate

It is a self-imposed infamy by the Senate Republicans of historical proportions, of course. But it will be interesting to see what the moral consequences of the Senate Republicans voting Trump innocent will be on a nation that already knows he is guilty beyond the shadow of a doubt.


No, President Trump, the U.S. isn’t energy independent. Middle East oil still matters.

Our know-nothing president didn't just somehow drop out of the sky, you know: Trump's history of I-don't-wanna-know-nothing was always well known.

Judge Dismisses Trump’s Request To Drop E. Jean Carroll Suit

Yes: Elect a rapist president of the United States and you're liable to get Trump. ["Get over it: This was already litigated in the last election."]


Marianne Williamson Drops Out Of Presidential Race

She did so after someone alerted her to the fact that she was in it.


Homo erectus arrived in Indonesia 300,000 years later than previously thought

Apparently his luggage was lost at the airport.


What does the law say about Soleimani's assassination?

What does the law say about Donald Trump not being allowed to break the law? [Think about that.]


Nearly Two-Thirds Of Americans Want A Wealth Tax On Super Rich

Super Rich say if tax's imposed on them they'll just fly back to Krypton. [Claim news of Krypton being destroyed is fake news.]


Child Abuser’s Wife Sues Mormon Church For Reporting Him To Police

Sez the poor guy wasn't harming anybody outside those kids. ["Why? Why? Why?"]


Boeing worker said 737 Max was 'designed by clowns'

In Boeing worker's defense: He was merely praising the staggering number of passengers Boeing was able to cram into the plane.


Islamic State welcomes killing of Soleimani

Ah, the sweet vagaries of getting involved in Middle Eastern conflicts!


Trump Has Made Us All Stupid

In Trump's defense: How else is he going to make sure that we're able to understand where he's coming from?


The Little-Known Legend of Jesus in Japan - A mountain hamlet in northern Japan claims Jesus Christ was buried there

It's possible: After all, the New Testament is all about how they buried Jesus in Jerusalem but apparently He didn't like the place and left.


Pence Claims Intelligence Behind Soleimani Hit Too Sensitive For Congress

Claims that most Republicans in Congress are obviously working for Russian Intelligence.


Trump Claims Credit For Drop In Cancer Deaths. No Way, Says American Cancer Society.

What a surprise.

Trump takes partial credit for Ethiopian prime minister’s Nobel Peace Prize. That’s news to Ethiopians.

He also claimed that he was personally responsible for everybody who ever got over a cold during his administration. Maybe even before then.

Iraqi Prime Minister Tells U.S. To Decide Mechanism For Troop Withdrawal

Wonder if Trump will take credit for getting us kicked out of Iran or will boast that it was the stunning victory... he just gift-wrapped for Iran?

U.S. and Iraq at odds over troops’ future as Baghdad seeks talks about pullout plan

Trump says someone else got his Nobel peace prize

Claims he should've gotten it for his policy of peaceful family separations.


Saudi Arabia And Trump’s Other Middle East Pals Don’t Want More Escalation With Iran

And when people who might or might not book whole sweeps of rooms at Trump's properties speak: Trump listens. [De-escalation it is.]


Trump says 4 embassies were under threat from Iran, a claim contested by U.S. officials

Well, Trump has now pretty much wiped out our embassy in Iraq himself much more effectively than Soleimani ever could have. And only time will tell how many others along with it...

Omani leader who made his nation a regional power broker dies at 79


Iran Denies Missile Hit Ukrainian Jet, Asks For Proof From U.S. And Canada

How about all those amateur Iranian phone videos of a missile rising up and blowing up the jet?

Verified videos show plane in Iran struck before fiery crash

Trump Official Spreads False Information While Defending Soleimani’s Assassination

Sez that because he works for the Trump administration he has absolute immunity to spread false information.

Trump says 4 embassies were under threat from Iran, a claim contested by U.S. officials

As time goes by, the increasingly deadly sinking weight of Trump's unending lies is going to make more and more Americans realize just what a major part of what once made America great (before Trump) was the unstinting trust in her that everyone in the world had--as, ultimately, even a country like Iran understands the harm that lying by its leaders can do to a nation and is seen trying as best it can to repair the damage which that lying has done to its standing among the nations of earth:

Iran admits to downing airliner amid Ukraine’s calls for justice

The Daily 202: Trump’s compulsion to take credit deepens his credibility gap amid questions about Iran intelligence

New details about Soleimani killing further undercut Trump’s lies

Trump has a new way around facts

Trump’s congenital dishonesty trips him up again

Fox News’ Chris Wallace: Trump Has Himself To Blame For Iran Skepticism

This might be Trump’s worst lie ever


The latest trouble at the border: Vultures are pooping all over a CBP radio tower

Managers now thinking of changing the radio tower's name from "Crapping Birds' Place" to something else not quite so inviting.


Trump administration tells Supreme Court no need to rush an Obamacare ruling

Say that they should wait until after the election to strike down the health care & insurance of so many millions of Americans: "Plenty of time to bankrupt the suckers after they reelect us Republicans." [Yes siree Bob!]


How two housekeepers took on the president — and revealed that his company employed undocumented immigrants - Two months after Diaz and Morales first told their stories, Democrats in Congress invited the pair to be guests at Trump’s State of the Union address. (“Tolerance for illegal immigration is not compassionate — it is cruel,” Trump said in his speech that day in February.)

"What was right-side up is up-side down!" Trump quoted Satan--reflecting Hell on the other side of the world.


Senators now risk indecent exposure of their minds

You forgot to mention that a lot of these Senate Republican kangaroos have tied their prospect of reelection to the tailcoats of this malignant president. And that instructs them not to chance their day jobs for the sake of something as 'frivolous' and 'inconsequential' [to them] as saving their country from Trump's self-evident malignancy. Trust me: The Senate Republican kangaroos are going to vote Trump innocent as a baby lamb. [A beastly spectacle indeed!]

Pelosi should send the articles of impeachment — with a warning

George Conway and Neal Katyal: How Pelosi should play her impeachment cards


Trump Planning To Take $7.2 Billion More From Pentagon For Border Wall: Report

Why not? If Trump's the president, then it's his money, right? [Didn't the American tax-payers effectively also agree to pay for all of Trump's tax frauds themselves after the last election!]


Trump says ‘it doesn’t really matter’ if Iranian general posed an imminent threat

Sez he had a mean look to him--reminded him of a kid who'd given him a swirlie in grade school. [Sez that's the reason he didn't continue his education.]


Giant tortoise has so much sex he saves species

Tortoise told reporters afterwards that it was a pain near the ass but somebody had to do it. (sic.)


Trump Says ‘Tough Guy’ President Lyndon B. Johnson Might Be In Hell, Too

Trump claims he knows these things because has a direct line to Hell. [Ok. So he told the truth for once in his life.]


Trump threatened tariffs if Europeans didn’t warn Iran on nuclear deal violations - Europeans called the threat of a 25 percent tariff on autos “extortion.”

Trump sez: "So?" Sez he treats everybody like he treats his own family. [Claims he is the only member of his whole entire family gets a Christmas gift every year without fail.]


Lev Parnas Says Trump Knew Everything In Ukraine Scandal

Yeah, but now Trump sez: "So what if I knew. Get over it."

Suddenly Trump has lost enthusiasm for his trial

Wonder how many times the Ukrainians have to tell Trump that the Bidens did nothing wrong, how many times the entire American intelligence community have to tell Trump that the Bidens did nothing wrong before it finally filters through his thick skull and into his delicate little brain!


Lindsey Graham Wants To ‘End This Crap’ As Quickly As Possible

Understandable. But evidence of Trump's criminality and Republicans' complicity will not end with Trump's kangaroo acquital in the Senate, when not only will more & more evidence of Trump's crimes continue to trickle out but Trump himself will inevitably continue to pursue new and ever bigger & bolder crimes: This crime spree by Trump and his Republican enablers cannot end until all that crime and every last one of its enablers are finally brought to justice.


Susan Collins’s willful blindness already looks awful

Denying what's right in front of their eyes is making Republicans look like two-year-olds caught red-handed while still denying their guilt, at best. And, at worst, it's making them look like they're trying to pass themseves off as innocent two-year-olds who couldn't possibly be blamed for lying right in front of all the evidence of their guilt.


Supreme Court Chief Justice, Senators To Be Sworn In Ahead Of Trump Impeachment Trial

Say they don't want to be seen swearing a false oath too close to their predetermined acquittal of such a notorious criminal as Donald Trump.

Catching senators who swear a false oath red-handed

Impeachment managers should forget the Senate and focus on the real jury: Voters


Trump privately told donors new details about Soleimani airstrike at Mar-a-Lago fundraiser

What a surprise.


Trump’s Evil Is Contagious

Isn't that why he was 'chosen' ... to spead Evil in this world? [from the best-selling How The Devil Got His Due]


Banker found guilty of smuggling Picasso painting

Banker appealing: Sez it is NOT a Picasso painting but an outline of his shoe size on a piece of paper for his shoe store.


Homeowners association wants to kick out orphaned 15-year-old living with his grandparents

In the above case: If the other homeowners agree to let the kid stay then there's nothing more to be said. But if they don't then they have all the right in the world to enforce the contract. Otherwise just make contracts illegal & get on with your life.

If contracts were meant to be broken, why sign them to begin with? Why not just say, "Ok, I agree to pay so much for it provided I don't feel like paying less later on or you don't feel like asking me more for it later" ...?

Using a child’s identified pronouns might feel complicated, but it’s crucial. Here’s why.

One can always rationalize whatever one wishes to, or ask Trump.


Trump administration moves to protect prayer in school, federal funds for religious organizations

Oh, why doesn't Trump just drape on his bed sheets, cut the pretense, and declare himself Supreme Leader of the Christian Republic--Then name Stephen Miller symbolic President of "The United States" (and Devin Nunes Sacred Toilet Tonguer or something appropriate).

An Under-The-Radar SCOTUS Case Could Obliterate The Line Between Church And State


Ukraine opens probe into possible surveillance of U.S. ambassador

I wonder whether this was the 'favor' that Trump was asking the Ukrainian president to do him...? [Ha. Ha.]


First U.S. Lawmaker To Endorse Trump Gets 26-Month Prison Sentence

Yeah. That sounds about right. Now for Devin Nunes and the rest of them.

New text messages put Devin Nunes on the hot seat

‘He knows who I am’: Lev Parnas says Devin Nunes was ‘involved in getting all this stuff on Biden’

‘Shove it,’ Rep. Ted Lieu tells GOP colleague Devin Nunes in response to lawsuit threat

Sacramento Bee Slams Devin Nunes In Scathing Editorial


Trump has broken more promises than he’s kept

Trump has broken more laws than there are in the book.

Mexico hopes new trade treaty will shield it from Trump threats


Trump Considering Changing Law That Makes Foreign Bribes Illegal

Sez he wants to make everything that was once against the law legal to keep the damn cops off his back.


Saudi Arabia Helps Violent Fugitives Flee U.S. Justice System, FBI Says - Some of the Saudis who have received help from the kingdom face rape, child pornography and manslaughter charges.

Yes, but the Saudi's defense: These are not crimes in Saudi Arabia.


Trump says he hates corruption. But he wants to make global bribery easier.

If you want to know the man watch what he does, not what he says. This is Human Nature 101 [You should have learned this by the time you were two years old.]


Trump’s lawyers, Senate allies aim to ensure Bolton does not testify publicly

Mitch McConnell, after whom the McConnell Senate Coverup is named, sez that Trump doesn't want to be embarrassed by having Bolton say a lot of goopy nice things about him.


Reporters Claim New Rules Will Hinder Impeachment Coverage

Hey, the Republicans are going to commit a crime in the Senate: You think they want you guys to document every minute of it?! C'mon!


Trump’s Defense Brief Is So Weak He Likely Dictated Parts Himself, John Dean Suspects

In Trump's defense: He knows more about 'lawyering' than all the lawyers in the universe put together.


Alan Dershowitz: Why I’m Defending Trump

Claims that chasing after those fast-driving ambulances is a young shyster's game.


Doomsday Clock is 100 seconds to midnight, the symbolic hour of the apocalypse

Damn, I better start seeing if I can get some sucker to buy my house before it's too late.


Adam Schiff’s brilliant presentation is knocking down excuses to acquit

That may be so, but Trump tried out a glove last night before going to bed AND IT DIDN'T FIT. [Woh-Ho!] So now we know what his defense team will say in the Senate.


Trump Hints At Entitlement Cuts ‘Toward The End Of The Year’

You know: AFTER the election--Sez he needs the cash for a new tax break he's planning for himself & his billionaire pals.


GOP Senator On Trump Soliciting Foreign Interference: Humans ‘Make Mistakes’

Sez Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, and Benedit Arnold likewise also made such little boo-boos too. "So what!" [Forgive & forget sez he.]


The Ministry Of Untruth

People are free to deny the truth because of a million reasons of their own, but people are forced to believe the truth simply because it is the truth: That's why denial of the truth is always only for a little while, and why Truth is not a democratic principle but a scientific one: The Truth is never up for a vote--except by those who are trying to make it a lie.

Trump’s mercenary foreign policy confirms what our worst critics say of us

White House hold on Ukraine aid violated federal law, congressional watchdog says

These 7 impulses explain Trump’s inexplicable foreign policy

Lev Parnas just accused Giuliani of a criminal conspiracy with Trump

If there's one thing the struggle against Evil teaches it is that Evil must be confronted everywhere and every time if only because of the sheer number of people who are constantly pushing it just for the Hell of it.

Why Trump wants Comey locked up: To thwart leaks about his wrongdoing


In 1987, Sanders said JFK made him nauseous; now he praises him in new ad

And if this doesn't make him sinister and unworthy of trust, what will! [Remember Trump! Remember Trump!]

Bernie Sanders backed a party that supported Iran during hostage crisis

Bernie Sanders’s agenda makes him the definition of unelectable

Sanders, a critic of secret money in politics, declines to call on a group supporting him to disclose its donors

Just after Hillary Clinton lambasted Bernie Sanders she said that she will support him if he's the Democratic nominee--Something which she (and millions of other Democrats) surely would never do if the Republican nominee were not Donald Trump. [from the best-selling How The United States Became A Communist Nation]

Bernie Sanders faces barrage of attacks from rivals as polls point to surge in early-voting states

Document shows Bernie Sanders’s team preparing dozens of potential executive orders -- Rising in the polls ahead of the Iowa caucuses, the senator from Vermont considers spelling out how he would go around Congress if elected president. New Sanders Ad Blasts Trump For Opening Door To Social Security Cuts


Senate Republicans Are Bathed in Shame

This is sheer insanity, political suicide on the part of these penny wise but dollar fool Republican Senators: The 2016 election Trump won in the electoral college he lost in the popular vote by over two million votes--America naturally normally leans towards the Democrats. And every day that passes, as more and more evidence of Trump's criminality drips out, more and more voters (Independents and even Republicans) come to understand that their children's future rests in great part with making sure that Trump doesn't become a South American dictator over them. Do these Republicans senators really want to hand Bernie Sanders the powers they are formalizing for the sake of Trump's brief presidency?

I think the most fitting thing the next Democrat who is elected president should do on the first day in office is use this royal power with which the Republicans are now endowing the presidency to sign an executive order abolishing the electoral college. [Then he/she can go on from there to cut the legs off (from under) all his/her most unloyal Republican subjects.] The electoral college anachronism is the greatest threat to democracy in our republic today.

Why Do We Have an Electoral College Again?


Bank calls police on black man depositing cheque

Tellers say that when he grabbed the bank pen they were all sure he was gonna rip it off its chain and murder somebody in there with it!

He settled a racial discrimination lawsuit. When he tried to deposit the checks, police were called.

Cops say it could be that he just looks a shade too black.


34 U.S. Troops Diagnosed With Traumatic Brain Injuries; Trump Dismissed As ‘Headaches’

Sez it's no skin off his nose, so: "Get over it!"


Listen to the voice of a 3,000-year-old mummy

"Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal!"


Supercut Shows Why Lindsey Graham Is ‘Most Shameless Man In American Politics’

This is certain to get him into trouble with Trump, who's very proud of a title he's held for a long LONG time.



Man, is he gonna be disappointed or what!


Donald Trump Vows To Save Social Security — From Himself

But isn't that always the case in every case with Trump? [Watch 'his voters' applaud.]


Trump should apologize for minimizing troops’ injuries, VFW says

Trump should apologize for being born. But so far he hasn't.



Because it just doesn't matter if he does: Trump has the back(s) of his Republican collaborators--who have all burried their heads in the sand. [Thereby.]

After Republican senators block new impeachment evidence, Trump boasts about what he’s withholding

George Conway: There's a critical witness impeachment is missing: Trump himself

I don't know. It seems to me Trump has been doing a pretty good job of testifying against himself since even before he became president. It's the people who are assigned to make sure everyone obeys the law who don't seem to have been heard from in his particlar case.


Mike Pompeo Cursed, Yelled At NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly For Asking About Ukraine

And now you know why Fat Pompy fits in so well with the Trump mob.

Mike Pompeo Cursed, Yelled At NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly For Asking About Ukraine - Pompeo also asked Kelly if she could find Ukraine on a map, and she said she could. He called on his aides to bring an unlabeled map so she could show him, according to Kelly. Kelly, a longtime national security reporter with a master’s in European studies from Cambridge University, said she successfully pointed to the country on the map.

Apparently Fat Pompy has been dealing with Trump so long now that he can't imagine there are people in this world who've made it out of first grade.


“I’ve been immersing myself in dusty old books, and I’ve concluded that no, it has to be a crime,” Mr. Dershowitz said. “That’s what scholars do, that’s what academics do. We do more research.”

You know, Dershowitz is really a very lucky guy: He always agrees with the legality of the position of the clients paying his fees... O.J. Simpson, and now Donald Trump.


Democratic group launches ads targeting GOP senators over impeachment

The fight against Trump might be snuffed out in the Senate. But that right there is where the fight against his Republican collaborators will be lit.


In secret recording, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman draw parallel between Trump and the messiah

Man, these guys really know how to butter up Trump.


Trump denies telling Bolton that Ukraine aid was tied to investigations

Guy, Bolton either told you that he couldn't go along with it or that it was wrong & you fired him: One, Two, Three. [Yer out!] Don't you wish now that, like Washington, it might have been that you couldn't tell a lie!


The impeachment evidence will catch up to Republicans and Trump — whether they ignore it or not - Videos of testimony and damning statements by Mr. Trump, as well as images of revealing text messages among administration officials, were exhibited repeatedly on the Senate floor, prompting some Republicans to complain that they were being forced to rehear the same pieces of evidence.

Good Grief, man! If you think you've heard this same evidence of Trump's guilt over & over again wait until you get to Hell!

After Republican senators block new impeachment evidence, Trump boasts about what he’s withholding


Schiff ‘has not paid the price’ for impeachment, Trump says in what appears to be veiled threat

Trump waived executive privilege when he called Bolton a liar

It is perhaps most fitting that the bird-brained president should feel that he best expresses himself in tweets.

If The Senate Doesn’t Stop Trump, Nobody Will, Dems Warn In Last Day Of Arguments

Adam Schiff's deliberate defense of the American Constitution made it clear just how important it is to kick all these Republican bootlickers out of office & send them where they really belong: cleaning toilets in Trump's properties.

      Where will all this conclude?...

"Are we Venezuela now or are we still The United States?"


Rep. Biggs says Bolton testimony would be largely irrelevant

Sez the fix has been agreed to for a long time now & none of the senators has asked for more since.


Ken Starr’s ‘Age Of Impeachment’ Whine Gets The Treatment On Twitter - "Does Ken Starr know he is Ken Starr?" one person fired back.

In Ken Starr's defense: I believe he's being PAID to not be Ken Starr. [End of story.]


Ari Melber Brutally Sums Up Trump’s Day: ‘Total, Unmitigated Legal Disaster’

Well, I watched the entire 'defense' put on by Trump's lawyers; and it seemed to me that Trump's defense rested primarily on the 'one fact' that the Democrats handed out pens when signing the impeachment articles. Strangely, they did not also say something about their tacky clothes, which would have given them a second 'fact.'


What counts as an impeachable offense?

I looked it up in the dictionary and it sez there: "What Trump did."

I wonder why it doesn't seem to bother the Republicans that they aren't really hiding the facts of Trump's guilt from the American people but only showing themselves as co-conspirators in trying to hide the facts of Trump's guilt?


Toomey says he’s ‘very skeptical’ witnesses would change his views

Makes sense: Thick skull, closed mind.


All the president’s disloyal men: Trump demands fealty but inspires very little -- Many former Trump advisers seemingly expect to be betrayed by the president at some point — and behave accordingly.

And now you know why a lot of times even money can't buy success. As in the case of Trump throughout his entire life.

Donald Trump does not rely on experts and advisers for his government decisions because such experts and advisors will invariably give advise geared solely or primarily towards benefiting the United States of America--and Trump knows this. Donald Trump insists on working 'all the deals' himself in order to make certain that they are always all geared solely or primarily for his own benefit. Who doesn't understand that!

I do not know nor have I ever even heard of someone more outrageously corrupt than the putrid soul of a man that is Donald Trump. In fact, I am convinced that if a fiction writer made up such a character in a novel everyone who read it would instantly say that such a character could NEVER possibly reasonably exist even as a fiction. And yet here Donald Trump still sits as president of these United States!


Segment Of Trump’s Border Wall Falls Over Into Mexico Due To Wind

Trump now sez he has been warning against wind turbines for years.


Dershowitz defends quid pro quo, saying Trump believes his reelection is in the public interest

Isn't murdering a lot of people and thereby slowing the population explosion also in the public interest?

Colbert Nails The Fatal Flaw In Dershowitz’s ‘Turd’ Of A Trump Defense - Dershowitz on Wednesday argued that if a president decides his reelection is in the public interest, he can do pretty much anything he wants to get reelected. -- “No, it’s not,” Colbert fired back on “The Late Show.” “Only the public gets to decide what’s in the public interest, not the politician. It’s ‘we the people,’ not ‘you the douchebag.’”


Republicans’ damaging new line of defense

There is none so blind as a Republican who will not see.


Trump Claims Victory For Essentially A Rebranded NAFTA

In Trump's defense: What's the harm of a man who can do nothing trying to do nothing better if it does something for him? [from the best-selling The Harm Trump Does]


Joe Manchin Says Hunter Biden Would Be A Relevant Trial Witness

Sez Hunter would be very helpful in Putin's ongoing disinformation campaign against the United States.


A new Bolton revelation ties Trump to Giuliani’s early efforts in Ukraine — and loops in other Trump allies

Don’t let the defense fool you. This impeachment is all about corruption.

Bolton revelations show Trump’s trial is more corrupt than we thought

Sure. But at least it must be heartwarming to all those South Americans who used to be hit with 'Washington, Lincoln and Jefferson' to now be able to throw back at Americans a sewer piece of crap like Trump and all that lowlife gutter-floating congressional scum that is Graham, McConnell, Kennedy, Nunes, Jordan, Ratcliffe & the rest of all those other Republicans on which he floats. [Ha. Ha. Señor!] At least SOMEBODY got something out of it.

New York writer who accused Trump of raping her wants a sample of his DNA

The cringing abdication of Senate Republicans

Sen. Lindsey Graham Was ‘In The Loop’ On Ukraine Scheme, Says Lev Parnas

It’s time to move on,’ Republican senators say

Yeah. "Don't nobody talk about Trump's crimes ever again!"

It’s not over. Congress must continue to hold Trump accountable.


What Is a Coronavirus?

A bugging you get after drinking too much Mexican beer?


Trump Campaign Spent $1.8 Million On President’s Businesses, Records Reveal -- "I could be the first presidential candidate to run and make money on it,” Trump once told Fortune magazine.

Some people just can't seem to be able to make an honest buck, and yet are very successful at crime. Yes.


Republican Sen. Susan Collins finds it’s lonely in the middle

She should be more like Trump, who is so scummy that even the worst insult one throws at him feels to him like praise.

Lindsey Graham Wants To Call Whistleblower After Trial To Ask ‘How All This Crap Started’

Shouldn't Lindsey call Trump and himself for that instead? After all: He too was "in the loop." [See, Ms. Collins: This is exactly how shameless you must get to be if you wanna "just get over it."]


Bloomberg Campaign Tears Into ‘Lying’ Trump Over Bizarre Rant About Boxes -- “Mini Mike is now negotiating both to get on the Democrat Primary debate stage, and to have the right to stand on boxes, or a lift, during the debates,” the president tweeted without evidence.

Newly Released Emails Show Fallout From Trump’s False Claims About Hurricane Dorian

Meanwhile, Mini Mind Trump is still trying to climb up out of the busted hole in the ground through which he botch-crashed his fat-bastard ass:

In a more formal letter, McLean wrote that what concerned him most was that the Trump administration “is eroding the public trust in NOAA for an apparent political recovery from an ill timed and imprecise comment from the President.”

Translation: Trump's stupid, and illustrates the real and present danger of having a dictator who can define reality for the rest of us (especially when he's a complete & total moron like Trump).


Super Bowl halftime show was ‘sexual exploitation,’ evangelist Franklin Graham says

I agree. Also: Some of those 'young' women were a tad beyond the weigh limit.


Trump Ripped For Disrespectful National Anthem Antics At Super Bowl Party -- Trump waved his hands and pretended to conduct the anthem when he has always insisted people should "stand proudly."

[What a surprise.] And, if nothing else, that should tell you just what a joke Trump thinks the National Anthem (and everything else America) is to him. Explains a lot, doesn't it!


Rush Limbaugh says he has advanced lung cancer

If Pat Robertson really believed in God he'd be shaking in his Gucci Boots right now.


Trump congratulated the Chiefs of ‘the Great State of Kansas.’ The team resides in Missouri.

The pea-brained president's ignorance knows no limits. [And now for the Republicans' inevitable defense that "ignorance is a virtue in a president" or some other such.]

We need to stop giving Trump a pass on his ignorance President Trump at the White House on March 20.

Democrats should make an issue of Trump’s gobsmacking ignorance


A concrete example of how Trump’s impeachment defense wantonly misled the U.S. Senate

Oh, I'm sure the Republican Senators who acquit Trump aren't so much themselves misled as they are walking step-in-step with him to try to mislead the American People ["some of the people some of the time" ... you know who you are]. Any other explanation is unnecessary.


The United States and Saudi Arabia aren’t allies. They never have been.

Maybe not. But Saudi Arabia and Trump are, and Republicans say that Trump is now the United States.


Parent asked: 'Why didn't you stay in Mexico?'

Answer to parent: "Ask YOUR parents why they didn't stay in Pakistan or wherever the Hell you're from. That way you won't have to keep asking total strangers."


Texas man ate only dog food for a month, he says. ‘I feel pretty fantastic’

Sez the only drawback is having to wait now until there's no one around to pee on a street pole.


Jared Kushner put a knife ‘in Netanyahu’s back’ over annexation delay, Israeli settler leader says

In Jared Kushner's defense: "Backstabbing" is the Trump Inc Motto. [from the best-selling So You Only Have Yourselves To Blame.]


Long-term maintenance for Trump’s border wall could cost billions, but government isn’t saying

Maybe Trump can get Ecuador or some of those other super-rich countries in South America to pay for it forever.


Kamala Harris On Trump’s Expected Acquittal: ‘When You’re A Star, They Let You Do It’

I do believe that will be found inscribed on a lot of these Republicans' tombstones come [their] Judgement Day.


Susan Collins says Trump will be ‘much more cautious’ after impeachment. The evidence suggests otherwise.

Madam, not even so much as more cautious about getting caught: Donald Trump is a life-long criminal, and when you give a lifer a free lifetime out-of-jail card it's utterly insane to imagine he will never need it & use it.

GOP Sen. Susan Collins: It ‘Would Be Helpful’ If Trump Apologized

Oh, shut up! Cut the pretense and just put your bloody signature on the document already: Satan's got other souls to burn.


Democrats Schatz, Murphy get choked up after Romney speech

In this case the exception does prove the rule ... that these group of Republicans are for law & order ONLY if it isn't one of their friends breaking the law.

But the Republicans are right in one thing: It is the voters' decision; and if the voters are going to let Trump cheat in the next election and are not troubled by the devaluing [thereby] of their own votes then we have truly reached the end of the United States of America. And if that's what the American voters want, then just give her a decent burial. And get over it. We already have our king in place.


In Private, Republicans Admit They Acquitted Trump Out of Fear -- One journalist remarked to me, “How in the world can these senators walk around here upright when they have no backbone?”

Answer: They are being held up mostly by starched cash.


What Went Wrong for Joe Biden

He's stupid, and can't conceal it from the suckers as well as can Trump the Pinhead (who can hide his little brains under mountains of money). [Or, maybe Democrats aren't as big a bunch of suckers as are Republicans. Time will tell--Always does, of course.]


Will Mitt Romney Face Punishment For Having A Conscience?

Naturellement. In today's Republican Party only people without conscience need apply. [And Trump is already very openly working on removing any ethics & morality requirements. So, live & learn.]


Erykah Badu Plans To Sell Incense That Smells Like Her Vagina -- The R&B singer's announcement follows Gwyneth Paltrow's, who is selling a candle with the scent of private parts.

Didn't they invent deodorant exactly to combat these sort of things?


Justice Department memo requires high-level signoff on any FBI probes of 2020 candidate

So now you can be sure whom Trump's Justice Department ain't agonna be investigating for nothing from now on no way no how.

Over 100 Salvadorans Killed After Deportation From U.S.: Human Rights Watch


Ex-Obama Photographer Throws Big Shade At Trump's SOTU Handshake Snub

In Trump's defense: That Nancy Pelosi has a very firm grip on everything. And Trump knows it. ["Ouch."]


Mitt Romney dismantles the GOP’s strained defenses of Trump -- That a member of the president’s own party is taking such a vote is actually unprecedented. Both Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton saw some of their fellow Democrats in the House vote to impeach them, but both of them kept their party completely in-line when it came to the Senate. In that way, Trump’s impeachment is actually now historically bipartisan.

This is probably bound to give tongue-tied Trump one of his infamous diction conniptions. ["Anybody in the audience have a Quaalude they can spare?"]

House managers: Trump won’t be vindicated. The Senate won’t be, either.


Trump Unleashes Fury Over Impeachment Trial At National Prayer Breakfast

Trump is out for revenge -- after the GOP swore he didn’t threaten them

The media stumbles in covering Trump

Ah, but the one great & good thing about Donald Trump is that he will now be doing everything in his power to prove to the Republican Senators who acquitted him just what a terrific error they made.


Trump’s ‘Friday night massacre’ is just the beginning. I fear what’s to come.

I don't: Now that Game of Throne is over, this could be the most entertaining thing on the horizon, except that it'll be our own heads on the pikes, of course.


Trump is the ultimate sore winner. Now he’ll seek revenge.

Don't worry: Trump's a fat old man in bad health who's led a life of wanton bauchery. So his time on this earth is very short--even if he's reelected I doubt he'll make it to the end of those 4 years without at least an embolism or a blood clot wrecking his clownish monarchy--he's already slurring his speech: "Those who elude the hand of Man are quickest to fall to the Lord's."

Sooner than you imagine Trump will be a memory few will have trouble forgetting, and all his minions will find themselves crawling about their stinking lives bemoaning the rot of their decomposing god.


Secret Service has paid rates as high as $650 a night for rooms at Trump’s properties -- The payments contradict claims that the company charges the government little or nothing for overnight stays.

What a surprise.


In Private, Republicans Admit They Acquitted Trump Out of Fear

But, isn't that the very reason they should've stood up to him?! I think Republican voters better start electing some Americans as their representatives: These current guys are not worthy of the name.


Fiery train derailment prompts 1-month speed limit

Man, even a 1-mile per-hour speed limit can be mind-numbingly slow; but measuring speed in months will probably make travelling 50 miles seem like a trip to Alpha Centauri.


Why we should feed cows charcoal

To get charcoalate milk?


Lindsey Graham Figures When He Dies, God Will Be Cool With Him Not Convicting Trump

Probably Lindsey should wait and see what Trump does next: Most criminals who escape justice think they've gotten a second chance to improve on their criminal careers. But let's wait & see.


NSC Army Officer Who Testified Against Trump Escorted Out Of White House

Trump says he is ‘not happy’ with Vindman

Sez he's looking for somebody more criminally inclined he'll be more comfortable working with. ["Who the Hell wants a whistleblower looking over your shoulder when you're trying to pull a job!?"]


Why Trump is so vindictive

Because he is a very small person. A tiny, insignificant human being. [Didn't they teach you this in First Grade?] And now you also know why Bloomberg got in the race: For the first time in his life Bloomberg can be the big man.


Why Trump shouldn’t be allowed to dictate how federal buildings are designed

Yeah. Matthew Perry or somebody should definitely tell him to stop. [The Democrats don't have the power to, and the Republicans actually want him to jackhammer what's left of the federal government to the ground... for some reason]


Nancy Pelosi: McConnell and the GOP Senate are accomplices to Trump’s wrongdoing

Schiff, Pelosi decry Trump’s ‘vindictiveness’

Feinstein says firings are ‘as clear a case of retribution’ as she’s seen in 27 years as a senator

I suppose Trump (as he always does) will now bad-mouth all these patriots who for love of country and their fellow citizens told the authorities about the crime they saw him committing. And I suppose the nation's cowards all will shake their heads at Trump's acts of revenge rejoicing in their usual do-nothing silence: "Better they than us."

Ex-Ethics Chief Scorches Sen. Grassley For Deafening Silence On Trump Witness Purge


Trump’s Trade War Will Cost Average Family $1,277 This Year, Budget Office Reveals -- The extra costs will effectively wipe out savings from the president's tax cuts.

"Stable Genius At Work." [But, hey, at least it'll cost The Trump family $1,277 this year: That's something.]


Trump’s quest for revenge could mean the end of whistleblowing

The Law is a piece of paper. Whoever wishes to live under the law better make sure those they pick to execute the law over them can be absolutely trusted themselves to observe the law, because the law is not a magic spell which merely needs to be mouthed to work. Trump boated of his love for rape, called those who paid their taxes stupid, and made his cash more often than not by defrauding others: It is therefore most fitting that those who elected such a man the chief executive of executing the law over them now be roundly punished for their single-minded blindness.


Trump’s First 3 Years Created 1.5 Million Fewer Jobs Than Obama’s Last 3

It's pretty much the difference between those who do and those who are just only talk.


Florida man arrested a block from White House for threatening Trump

Wonder why he waited until he was one block from the White House to threaten Trump?


Warrant: Chaplain charged after sex act with SC inmate

Chaplain thankful that they waited until after he'd finished. [Praise The Lord!]


Trump budget cuts funding for health, science, environment agencies

In Trump Troglodytes' defense: Trump and his super-rich pals need that money to make their cash piles higher before the next breeze blows it all away [It makes a stock market crash more spec-ta-cu-lar.].


Denver just voted to end its 30-year ban on pit bulls

Say they now have ways (so no one actually has to go down into the pit) to see if it's a bull or a cow.


Actor Jussie Smollett indicted on new charges of filing false hate crime reports last year

Hey, look at you! Once again the center of attention, dude.


Green cards are only available to immigrants who fall under one of these categories

1) Trump's pal
2) can afford to stay at a Trump property
3) will vote for Trump illegally
4) you're related to an orangutan wears a toupe


Man charged with smuggling parrots into the United States

"One of'em must've talked," sez he.


Jewish woman: Adolf Hitler was her next-door neighbor

Sez she would often see him outside playing with his ball.


A politician and former Miami administrator have joined effort to recall Joe Carollo

"He had a big black moustache, right?"
"And a hooked nose: You could hang a hat on it."


Why Bill Barr’s DOJ replaced Catholic Charities with Hookers for Jesus

I'm sorry, but isn't that what the Antichrist is supposed to do?


Sen. Lindsey Graham Defends Trump Firing Of Impeachment Witnesses

Sen. Lindsey Graham would defend Trump dancing naked in the moonlight on Fifth Avenue. He's been an ass-kisser all his life, and people never change who they are--Much less when they actually see an ass out there.

George Conway Suggests Why ‘Vindictive’ Trump May Need To Be Impeached Again


Justice Dept. to cut sentencing recommendation for Stone after Trump calls it ‘unfair’

And now you may remove all doubts that Trump is The Law (and not your Constitution piece of paper). Ha! Ha!

The hardest lesson to learn in a democracy is that all voters vote whether they bother to go to the voting booth or not: Every voter who does not go to the voting booth votes for the candidate against whom they would've voted had they bothered to go there:

EVERY VOTER VOTES. Every voter's vote is registered whether they go to the voting booth or not because the vote of every voter who does not go to the voting booth is ALWAYS registered for the candidate against whom they would have voted: Remember this lesson!

Prosecutors quit amid escalating Justice Dept. fight over Roger Stone’s prison term

Democrats Demand Answers For Roger Stone’s Reduced Sentencing Recommendation

One Answer: He's a made member of the Trump Crime Family.

Prosecutors Withdraw From Roger Stone Case After DOJ Walks Back Sentencing

Amazing the things one sees if one but just lives long enough!

The Justice Department makes yet another suspiciously pro-Trump move in Russia probe

If you elect Trump as The Law's chief executive--you have no law.

The Justice Department becomes a political hit squad for an unleashed president


Trump Suggests Military Should Discipline Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman For Impeachment Testimony

Trump claims that if people start telling the truth and following the law it's just gonna make it that much harder for him to continue his life of crime. [Republicans all seems to agree.]


As Trump openly corrupts DOJ, a former insider sounds the alarm

One wonders whether Trump will be selling 'protection' to the heads of the other crime familes now? ["No. After the election. You know, like with cutting people's health care."]

As Trump openly corrupts DOJ, a former insider sounds the alarm

Ex-Government Ethics Chief Issues War Cry Against ‘Catastrophe For Democracy’


White House budget head says he doesn’t anticipate more Ukraine money hold-ups

Translation: "Joe Biden the dust."

Senate Republicans plan first subpoena in Burisma, Biden probe

Translation: Joe Biden's getting up from the floor.


Barr pledged that investigations would be ‘sacrosanct from political influence.’ That’s in real doubt now.

Life's eternal question: "Why do people commit crimes when they are taught from childhood that sooner or later they're going to have to pay for it?!" Is answered by death's eternal question: "Why do people sell their souls for a brief gain when they know Hell is eternal?!"


Sen. Lindsey Graham: Trump Tweeting About Stone Case ‘Is Not Appropriate’

Oh, yeah? Then how else is Trump going to order his underlings to do illegal & questionable stuff without having to actually order them to do illegal & questionable stuff? Explain that! [Oh, wait, I get it: You're signaling to Trump that the cops know the code. Ok then.]

The degradation of William Barr’s Justice Department is nearly complete


I Quit My Job And Now My Partner Pays Our Bills. Here's How It's Affected Us.

Now I'm the one making the bed & washing the dishes. [from the best-selling Don't Kid Yourself: Marriage Is A Power Trip]


Trump’s 29th Trip To Mar-a-Lago Brings Golf Tab To 334 Years Of Presidential Salary

"Only the stupid pay their tab." --Donald The Stiffer


Mitch McConnell Tells Trump To Stop Tweeting In The Weakest Possible Way

Trump matchsticks back that that's the only way he knows how to tweet, like the 300-pound canary he is.


I’ve been playing basketball for 59 years. Let me tell you why.

"Who wants to waste his life trying to cure cancer or some'm, right?"


I renewed my drivers license for another eight years at age 83. That’s a problem.

Who am I gonna get to drive me to the DMV to renew again 8 years from now?


Astronomers spy near-Earth asteroid that has its own moon

Never mind that--How near is it to the earth?!?


Analysis: Trump renews his national emergency despite losing the primary rationale for it

Sez he has the authority to no longer recognize the term 'primary rationale' as having any meaning in English.


The fall of Deutsche Bank: Lies, greed, money laundering and Donald Trump

It's mind-blowing how without the stupidity of Deutsche Bank Trump would probably now be in federal prison instead of in the White House!


Trump Admits He Sent Rudy Giuliani To Ukraine After Denying It

Why not? Trump's now completely immune from the law. [I'd advise anybody walking out in the middle of Fifth Avenue these days to better know where Trump is first.]


Immigrants Now Using ‘Camo Ladders’ To Scale Trump’s Border Wall

Excellent! That means the billions & billions of dollars American taxpayers are in the hole for thanks to Trump's boondoggle won't all be for nought: We will force illegal immigrants to chip in for a communal ‘Camo Ladder’ so THEY too can all 'just get over it.'


Ted Cruz once called Trump ‘utterly amoral’ and a ‘sniveling coward.’ Then he worked to save his presidency.

"Takes one to know one."


Are you a maximalist or minimalist?

Both: I'm a maximalist in getting paid & a minimalist at getting any work done.


If Bernie Sanders isn't the Democratic front-runner at this point, the word has little meaning.

Bernie Sanders is that crazy old man everybody cheers when he shoots out in front at the start of every marathon until he's overwhelmed by the other runners. [Then they bring out the gurney & cart him off to the hospital to scattered applause.]


How To Date A Co-Worker Without Making It Weird For Everyone Else

Bet'em a dollar they don't know when their license need to be renewed. They'll need to show it to you: Bam! You've got the sucker's date of birth. And the most it's cost you is a dollar.


In tweetstorm, Trump likens himself to a king, shares mayor bathroom audio

Oh, no, this poor slob isn't the LEAST crackers.

Trump’s quest to rewrite history of the Russia probe


Trump’s 29th Trip To Mar-a-Lago Brings Golf Tab To 334 Years Of Presidential Salary

So what? It's not like he's ever going to have to run for re-election again. [C'mon, you didn't really think the 2020 election was gonna happen, did you? It would send Trump straight to prison!]


Miami Dolphins’ current view of Tua Tagovailoa and Justin Herbert might surprise you

No it won't: Whichever of the two is the biggest bust is the one the Dolphins will pick.


Rain forces postponement of the Daytona 500 after Trump opens NASCAR’s big race

Man! Will nothing this guy gets involved in ever go right?


Eric Trump said the Secret Service stays free at family properties. Doesn’t look like it.

In Eric Trump's defense: The 'staying free' bit is for the sucker Trump voters, NOT for the Secret Service guys.


George Conway Thinks William Barr’s Rebuke Of Trump Had A Hidden Message

Duh! "I'm already trying everything I can to subvert the DOJ so please don't go public pushing me to subvert the DOJ, Mister President. Let me do my job."

Barr Aimed To Block Turkish Bank Indictment After Erdogan Asked Trump For Help: Report

Former Deputy Attorney General Shares Dire Warning If William Barr Does Not Resign

U.S. Judges Call Emergency Meeting Over Fears About William Barr And Trump: Report


Trump’s Pick In Minnesota Senate Race Has A History Of Racist Comments

What a surprise.


The Golden Age Of White Collar Crime

Or, the most succinct article I have read so far on the pressing need for the American Reformation.

Trump grants clemency to ex-governor Rod Blagojevich and financier Michael Milken

I thought Bill Clinton was pretty scummy, but compared to Trump Bill Clinton was Prince Charming (and Nixon Albert Schweitzer).

Analysis: Trump is making it very clear how seriously he objects to official corruption

Most Trump clemency grants bypass Justice Dept. and go to well-connected offenders

Donald Trump may be the world's worst deal-maker but he is an idealist. A quintessential idealist. Perhaps the most perfect idealist ever: Anyone who dreams so hard of turning his lies into truths has everything to do with the ideal & nothing whatever in this world to do with our reality.

Trump Grants Clemency to Prominent White-Collar Criminals

What I want to know is when is Trump finally going to make his horse a member of his cabinet (like Caligula)?


And, by the way, please do not overlook [never] the possibility (however remote you may think it) that Donald Trump and a handful of Republicans are paid Russian saboteurs!


Christian Lawmakers Group Blames Satan After Twitter Poll Goes Badly Awry

Satan sez that at the time all that was going down he and Trump were in the Oval Office finalizing pardons for several of his clients--and that Trump would be more than glad to verify his alibi. [Even under oath.]


Cyber pioneer asks: Is the coronavirus the result of a cyberattack?

Wisecracking poet answers: No. It is the result of somebody fucking a chicken in China.


Lawyer: Assange was offered US pardon if he cleared Russia

It will all come out. It always does.

Dana Rohrabacher Confirms He Offered Trump Pardon To Julian Assange

Wow! That was quick!


Janison: Trump's biggest scandal is unfolding

Lot of people, not just Trump and his family, really need to see some prison time after his term is over.


Watch this woman play the violin in the middle of brain surgery

Man, people will do anything to go viral these days! [She ought to have her head examined.]


Pull Yourself Up by Bootstraps? Go Ahead, Try It

Did: I pulled myself up by my bootstraps but my bootstaps won!


Columnist E. Jean Carroll Says Elle Magazine Fired Her After Trump Rape Allegation

And now you know why some victims take so long to report their rapes.


Trump Names Richard Grenell Acting Director Of National Intelligence

A White House aide accused of writing the anonymous Op-Ed is being reassigned to the Energy Department.

Trump Ousts Top Defense Official Who Warned Against Withholding Ukraine Aid

Who needs a government of people with know-how when you can have a government of people who only know loyalty to Trump, right? He knows what's good for him.


Trump set off by intelligence assertion that Russia favors him

Oh, this guy is absolutely stable, all right.


Trump dismisses intelligence official’s assessment of Russian preference for him as Democratic ‘hoax’

But didn't Putin tell Trump in person that he loved him very much?

Why the Russians still prefer Trump


A town cut its only policeman. So he turned in his uniform and walked out in his underwear.

And if there had been another cop left in town he'd been arrested for indecent exposure. But.


Mike Bloomberg sure looks like he owned the debate — in an edited video released by Mike Bloomberg

This is absolutely the right guy to go up against slimy ole Mister Trump.

With Absolutely No Evidence, Bloomberg Camp Ties Bernie Sanders To Campaign Office Vandalism


Josh Rogin: Trump is already searching for his next secretary of state

Fat Pompy's head's on the block?! Damn! He lasted even less time with 'the king' than did Anne Boleyn!


Tesla can fell trees at site of new plant: Germany

I imagine that like every other car maker Tesla wants to make sure that its cars can survive head-on collisions with trees.


German shooter emptied magazine, calmly walked out

"Took out some of the best coupons, too!"


Trump Costing Taxpayers And Putting Money In His Pocket With Stay At His Own Hotel

In Trump's defense: Isn't that the reason he ran for president?


Trump was not told coronavirus-infected Americans would be flown home from cruise ship

Sez coronavirus-infected Americans are some of the worst people on earth, murderers and rapists all.


We Have 10 Years Left To Save The World, Says Climate Expert: ‘Humanity Is At Stake’

Don't get excited: Humanity is just a tiny fraction of the biomass on this planet.


India is home to the most Trump ventures outside North America. Here’s what you need to know.

1) India is never going to see a trade war with Trump.


Democrats Are Bound for Disaster

In the Democrats' defense: What else is new?


Michael Bloomberg Has A Communism Problem

Or maybe we would be just trading Russia for China.


The 1939 film, praised by the president at a rally, completely misrepresents slavery, the South's secession and the Civil War.

On the plus side: It's one of the few lessons Trump ever learned that wasn't for the express purpose of defrauding others for his own profit.


Should your email say if you're he, she or they?

I firmly believe that 'they' should be strictly reserved for us schizophrenics--How in the Hell else are we going to differentiate ourselves from your run-of-the-mill 'he' or 'she'?!


Elderly Couple Missing Since Valentine’s Day Found Alive In California Forest

Hansel & Gretel later told rescuers that it never occurred to them the trail of bread crumbs they were leaving to follow back home might be eaten. But that next time they were going to use bits of fruitcake instead, since they were sure nothing alive will eat those.


Carolyn Hax: After discovering the affair, you’ll discover how strong you truly are

So hurry & tell your husband to have an affair if he isn't having one already--Or you'll never know how strong you really are!


Dick Van Dyke Urges Fellow Way-Past-Boomers To Vote For Bernie Sanders

94-year-old Dick also asked that everybody please grow a third leg so they wouldn't get tired standing up for America.


Election-Year Trump Says He’s Ready To Float Farmers On Another River Of Taxpayer Cash

Farmers suspicious that the "river" only runs from here to just before the 2020 election is decided.


If you earn more than $100,000 and haven’t paid your taxes, an IRS officer may soon show up at your front door

Unless you're Trump & pals; and then the IRS officer will be there to wash some cars & rake leaves.


U.S To lay Out Case Against Julian Assange At Extradition Hearing

"He was unwilling to say Russia did not help Trump in the 2016 election, judge."


Trump embarks on expansive search for disloyalty as administration-wide purge escalates

One of these days there will be no one in government who will say nuts if Trump declares himself Napoleon.

If the United States becomes a police state before the 2020 election there will be no 2020 election, except perhaps in name only.


Russia Seeks To Help Bernie Sanders And Donald Trump. Only Trump Is Helping Russia.

Bernie sez that he's pretty enough that he doesn't have to do anything to get Russia's eye.

But Russia is right: If they're going to help Trump they have to help Bernie.

Why the Russians still prefer Trump


Trump says he’s considering Rep. Douglas Collins for permanent DNI post; Collins says he doesn’t want it

Gee, I wonder why? He'll miss working for the greatest boss ever in the history of bosses. And the stupendous satisfaction after his service of walking away with The Golden Shiv In Th'Back and honorific titles of Traitor and Human Scum--I mean, who in his right mind would want to pass all that up?


Sanders Stands By Comments On Fidel Castro, Says He’s Been Critical Of All ‘Regimes’

In Cold War travels, Bernie Sanders found much to admire behind enemy lines. Now that’s a problem for his campaign.

Bernie Sanders and Fidel? Well, I was 12 years old and in Cuba after Fidel Castro came to power and at some point he said something in a speech that anybody who knew how to read and write should run out and teach those who didn't. And because Fidel was 'our' demigod, because 'our' demigod's word was law in Cuba; and because I knew how to read & write, I immediately rushed out to try to find people I could teach--In my search I eventually ended up in a bar full of drunks & winos asking them whether anybody in there would like to learn how to read & write. And if it hadn't been for some guy who told the rest of'em my heart was in the right place [even if I myself wasn't] I might've ended up with a bucket of beer poured over my head--That was the Fidel Castro original push for universal literacy in Cuba which Bernie Sanders finds so inspiring: It was the madness of a dictator who blabbed so much for hours & hours that he eventually said something like that and sent the entire country out in a stampede to enforce his madness. It was not the systematic pursuit of universal literacy which a normal country might have tried to put into place. And it was not until much later that more professional people in Castro's regime began to implement his 'notion' in a more systematic manner primarily because it involved forced communist indoctrination.

But, as well, Fidel Castro almost immediately began murdering people. Shooting them live on television. And I can testify that as a 12-year-old I saw that with my own eyes: They would drag some poor soul before him and Fidel Castro would ask him who he was. "Oh, I was a police lieutenant in charge of such-and-such district." Fidel would turn to a faithful cadre of followers (like Bernie's bunch), unquestionably assembled there for that specific purpose, and he would suddenly ask them what they thought "we" should do with the guy. Upon which they would all chant: "Paredon! Paredon! Paredon!" Then the victim of this "reality show" would be stood up against the wall and shot, live, right there in TV, immediately--no trial, no appeal, no exculpating evidence, no lawyer, no reprieve, not even a last word to his family. Just immediate mindless murder.

And why Bernie Sanders should be praising Fidel for his "literacy push for communist indoctrination" instead of condemning him for his brutal, mindless murders... is absolutely beyond me.

NOTE that the push for universal literacy in Cuba predates Castro. In the 50s newly college-graduated teachers were routinely sent to teach in the countryside before earning a teaching position in a 'regular' classroom; and literacy was nation-wide promoted as one of the most patriotic duties of a Cuban. So it is a lie that Castro started the universal literacy push in Cuba. What he did do was drive people crazy with blind turns & sudden tendencies towards extremist stampedes (like the one I was involved in above); while the real reason for his "universal education" campaign was nothing more than communist indoctrination--Something which I myself escaped only because my mother pulled me out of school and soon thereafter took me with her to live in Miami... some 58 years ago now.


Trump slams Sotomayor and Ginsburg, says they should recuse themselves from ‘Trump-related’ cases

Trump & his Republican enablers effectively neutered the legislative branch and now he's after the judicial branch with a vengeance: Can three co-equal branches (on paper) of government survive in reality when the most powerful man in the country is intent on making himself supreme and sole dictator over it all? Wonder. And then wonder again.


Man dies at 112 after world record celebration

Okay, maybe it was a mistake to jump out screaming: "Surprise!"


Analysis: Trump keeps news conference focused on one high-risk patient — himself

In Trump's defense: He is the one person most people are probably hoping the coronavirus crowns.


ICE runs facial-recognition searches on millions of Md. drivers, alarming immigration and privacy activists

ICE claims it's only a simple study about whether people are getting prettier or uglier, that's all.


Trump blames stock market dip on Democratic presidential candidates

He also sez that toilet paper ain't working on his ass as well as it did years ago. And that that's on the Democratic presidential candidates too.



Sez that he just thinks "The Pence Pandemic" sounds a lot better than "The Trump Pandemic" (for some reason).


“Seriously people,” the surgeon general said on Twitter, “STOP BUYING MASKS!”

I know couldn't buy mine because they'd run out of the Lone Ranger one I was really after.


Don’t be afraid to let children read graphic novels. They’re real books.

AND if it consists of, say, 50 graphics then they've read a 50,000-words book! [Because "a picture is worth a thousand words."]


Turkey says it will let refugees into Europe after troops killed in Syria

The Turkey Merdegun [sic.] sez he's too chicken to confront Russia so he'll take it out of Europe instead.


Stocks, Dow Sink As Coronavirus Fears Continue Driving Economic Uncertainty

On the plus side: If the coronavirus kills you off then you won't be needing any of your stocks also killed off by the virus right along with you. [Lose-Lose = Win-Win.]


President Donald Trump says more cases are "likely" but urges people not to panic.

Sez there is no need to panic unless you're one of the cases.


Mick Mulvaney Claims The Media Is Covering Coronavirus Only To ‘Bring Down’ Trump

Trump administration tries to play down coronavirus risks -- Administration officials blamed Democrats and the media for hyping the virus crisis.

Sure: Blame not the virus--Who would do that?! Oh, yeah, doctors and scientists would do that, not hopping brutes and grunting Neanderthals.

Analysis: When an Epidemic Looms, Gagging Scientists Is a Bad Idea

Is it ever really a good idea, I wonder?

Trump is ignoring the lessons of 1918 flu pandemic that killed millions, historian says

Liars and people with educational levels that at best qualifies them to be shoeshine boys in charge of the nation's response? What can go wrong.

Media outlets help Trump push a dangerous, false spin on coronavirus

Trying to control information instead of trying to control the virus: Guys, "That's just Trump being Trump." [Enjoy the ride!] What I don't understand is why Trump and Pence don't just ask some of their Evangelical pastor friends to cure this coronavirus thing with a little hocus-pocus zippity-zap and problem solved.


Better rat control in cities starts by changing human behavior

Same thing.


Putin is an expert at poisoning dissidents. Trump shouldn’t just let it happen.

What, he should beat him to it?! Damn.


North Macedonia police find 78 migrants crammed in a van

Say they're out right now looking for the clowns reponsible.


Billionaire Tom Steyer Drops Out Of 2020 Presidential Race

Sez this isn't the time to go around shaking people's hands. Buttigieg sez that's good enough for him. [And suddenly Trump is thinking maybe Joe Biden might not make such a bad president after all.]

Coughing pope cancels participating in Lenten retreat

Even the pope has a ["cough"] excuse now to stop meeting with people. "Cough." [Watch! Watch Trump develop a cough himself soon.] "Cough."


How easily does the virus spread? What you need to know.

What you need to know is that we people are monkeys. And that every time a car horn honks we all jump in a huddle trembling, hooting & screeching. [Now take a guess how easily the virus is gonna be spreading when we start moving money around.]

Iranian Shias lick, kiss shrines in defiance of coronavirus outbreak


Retropolis: Trump ‘didn’t know people died from the flu.’ It killed his grandfather.

In Trump's defense: Trump's a know-nothing, so there's certainly nothing he knows.


Trump plays expert by second-guessing professionals

Trump's just wasting his time being president. What he should really be doing is trying to come up with cold fusion. Or the cure for cancer, in his spare time.


Trump disputes coronavirus mortality rate based on his ‘hunch’

Sez he & his Sharpie know more about it than all those who are actually counting the bodies (put together).


Why hasn’t AI changed the world yet?

Answer: Because the world is going the way AI wants it to go: All to Hell. [Sez it's playing chess against itself, meantime.]


Why are people stockpiling toilet paper?

An increase in dirty-ass motherfuckers seeking redemption, maybe.


Iran's military on alert as virus kills 77, sickens leaders

All of'em a slew of old geezers (the most vulnerable to the new virus). What could go wrong?


In light of Plácido Domingo’s fall, let’s rethink naming things after the rich and famous

Absolutely! From now on let's name things after the poor and unknowns.


Zoo bison euthanized after breaking leg

Hospital sez Zoo Director's leg is healing just fine.


Trump is trying to corrupt the intelligence community

In Trump's defense: That's not the only thing he's trying to corrupt. So move on! Live with it!


Romney to vote for subpoena in Senate investigation targeting the Bidens

Republican Romney sez he's strung the suckers along long enough.


U.S. Surgeon General Dodges Coronavirus Question, Praises Trump’s Health In Interview

So? What else should Donald Trump's country consider the most crucial thing of all? [When will people wake up & smell the coffee!]


The five tricks of powerful persuasion

1) a gun
2) a knife
3) a bat
4) a brick
5) "or I'll invite my mother for a visit"


Elephants cross the road in India

Well, I don't claim to know why the elephants crossed the road. But it was probably a much bigger reason than the chickens had.


What I Learned From Scanning the Brains of Potential Terrorists

That I should've made sure the machine 'malfunctioned' and electrocuted a few of'em.


Stop Touching Your Face! -- It’s a quirk of human nature that we touch our eyes, noses and mouths all day long. It’s also a major way we pick up infections like coronavirus.

Great! I didn't do any of that before--Now I can't stop doing it.


Alabama Churchgoers Turn Their Backs On Bloomberg During ‘Bloody Sunday’ Service

Say they were hoping Bloomberg would get mad at'em and try to hit'em 'in the back of the head' with a couple of those fat wads of 50s he probably carries with him.


Why Does No One In Horror Movies Believe The Female Protagonist?

Answer: Because movies must run for more than 5 minutes.


Trump’s go-to tactics for reassuring his base are wildly insufficient for coronavirus

What? They don't wanna die for the greater glory of Trump no'mo, no'mo? That's treason! Sedition!

Trump's Possible Speech: "The trick to surviving the Coronavirus is not dying."

Pence's Possible Speech: "Don't worry America: Trump will get Pat Robertson or some other to pray for you."

["Screw Pat Robinson--Get me a doctor!"]


Investor Fears Rise Over Recession, Bear Market as Coronavirus Spreads in U.S.

PIMCO Sees Mild Recession Due to Virus but Tight Credit Poses Risk

U.S. markets crater, forcing temporary halt to trading

Gee, I wonder why all the Evangelical preachers aren't screaming that the coronavirus is God's message to Americans that Trump has to go? [I mean: It's SO obvious!]


Bernie Nabs Rev. Jesse Jackson Endorsement

Jesse Jackson is still alive?!


Trump Abruptly Replaces Acting Chief of Staff Mulvaney With North Carolina Lawmaker

Sez he got up a couple of days ago and just had a hunch that was the way to go--so now Mulvaney's gone.


Beware the Deadly Contagion Spread by Blowhards

I smelled a really bad one in an elevator the other day and now I don't know whether I should get tested for coronavirus or not.


Biden will pick a woman as his running mate. But who?

Kamala Harris.


The coronavirus outbreak is making expertise great again

About time, since by now everybody in the world & his dog must know that not only is Trump stupid but a stupendous ignoramus as well.


Wait, so who is Nero, and why are people comparing him to Trump?

Another one of those 'You know you're a redneck if' questions!


Experts Predict The Most Popular Baby Names Of 2020

Corona for the girls.
Viro for the boys.


Turkey says agreed with Russia on details of Idlib ceasefire - Anadolu

Two completely & utterly ruthlessly unethical countries agreed to keep their word--What could go wrong?


Russia Passes Bill Allowing Putin To Stay In Power Past 2024

Surprise. [Watch Trump salivating.]

Men either live by the law or at the pleasure & whim of the strong--No other choice exists: Those who wish to live by the law must ever do all they can to oppose those who seek to break the rule of law for their own benefit. The struggle to keep ourselves from having to live at the pleasure & whim of the strong is eternal; and the alternative to victory is slavery. Pure & simple.


NASA watchdog takes aim at Boeing’s SLS rocket; it says Trump’s moon mission could cost a staggering $50 billion

On the plus side: Some lucky astronaut might get to play golf on the moon!


Humans Have Been Taking Out Insurance Policies for at Least 30,000 Years

We know this because the first guy who bought a policy just made his last payment on it!


Trump views pandemic through lens of how the numbers reflect on his presidency and reelection hopes

Trump's new campaign motto most probably will be: "Vote for me so I can be President of Myself!"

Leading Health Groups Urge Trump To Declare A National Emergency

Trump sez he will definitely look into who these groups voted for last election.


All Of The Times Donald Trump May Have Been Exposed To The Coronavirus

Trump had photo taken with infected Brazilian official but does not plan to get tested for coronavirus

Sez if he doesn't know he has it it's the same as not having it.

“I’m not concerned,” the president said...

Neither is my dog. So, sure, I can understand it.

Brazilian official who met Trump on Saturday at Mar-a-Lago tests positive

A lot of people who have come into contact with Typhoid Trump seem to be coming down with the virus--Maybe they should look into the possibility that Trump is one of those animals that carry a virus and doesn't get sick from it himself.

Two congressmen who spent time with President Trump are now in self-quarantine.

Trump's infecting everybody like he usually does. [Just Trump being Trump.]

White House asks Silicon Valley for help on coronavirus

Wonder if Trump will bother to read the response.

President Trump botched his own coronavirus address. He shouldn’t be on TV.

Donald Trump has filled the government with incompetents and malicious ignoramuses like himself. Trump is just too much of a whopping moron to know that he doesn't know--People who don't know they don't know are absolutely always convinced that they know it all.

Analysis: Trump Struggles to Unify a Nation on Edge

You know, maybe if he hadn't spent all his time in office dividing it it wouldn't be such a struggle now.

From How the Horrific 1918 Flu Spread Across America: “You don’t manage the truth,” John M. Barry said. “You tell the truth.”


President Trump’s coronavirus test came back negative, his physician says

This might be true. But we might never know, of course, because if Trump doesn't outright die... it will always remain unknown whether he really did or he didn't. [from the best-selling Perils of A Man Who Never Tells The Truth Even If It Kills Him]


Older Americans are more worried about coronavirus — unless they’re Republican

I guess if you're a Republican now you just wanna die as quickly as humanly possible. Sure.


Trump is breaking every rule in the CDC’s 450-page playbook for health crisis

What? Didn't Trump read it? [Just kidding.]


Perspective: My filthy car hit a tow truck. Did the punishment fit the grime?

Answer: Yes. And maybe if you didn't go around mean mouthing it like that your car wouldn't try to get back at you as much.


Camel wrestling: It’s a thing, and we have video

What a bunch of wusses those Turks are! In the ole days we Christians used to wrestle lions, tigers & bears at the Coliseum--That's wrestling!


How much of your body is actually you?

Gotta be the ugly part because that's the handle everybody grabs about 'you' first, last, and always. ["That's you right there all over, dude."]


Religious leaders: Coronavirus is punishment, sign of the messiah's coming

Religious leaders say that, yes, the messiah was scheduled to come during the 1918 pandemic, but got on the wrong bus, unfortunately. However, his bus transfer is still valid, therefore...


Why we get nicer as we get older

Yeah--No. This is an illusion caused by the fact that we all get nastier as we get older, therefore we start believing it's just 'us' getting nicer: "Damn them! Damn them all!!!"


Guns, Ammo Retailers Report Sales Surge Across U.S. Amid Coronavirus Fears

Customers say they'll start shooting the little foreign buggers soon as they see the white of their eyes.


How to argue with a racist

1) if you don't have a racist handy: go out and see if you can find one (your old man is usually a pretty good bet)


Mnuchin Doesn’t Expect A Coronavirus Recession, As Experts Say Otherwise

In Mnuchin's defense: In the Trump administration 'those who tell the truth about an evil are actually considered to be pushing that evil.' [Which is why Trump & gang preach that "Lying is for everybody's good."]


Orangutan demonstrates hand-washing

Finally Trump is doing something for his country!


This is not the end of the world, according to Christians who study the end of the world

Say that the end of the world will not come until after people stop eating fried chicken with their fingers.


Ancient fish had fingers, bridged the gap between aquatic and land animals

Scientists don't yet know whether they could play the piano but are looking into whether they did.


We’re used to grieving together. What happens when we can’t?

We'll just have to start sending each other notifications that we grieved (so they don't think we're laughing behind their backs). ["I was very sad that mother died. Were you?"]


Tucker Carlson: If Allegations Against Sen. Richard Burr Are True, ‘He Must Resign’

Yeah. Something tells me that if allegations against Sen. Richard Burr are true the last thing in the world this character will do is the right thing.


Trump claimed he has ordered companies to produce medical supplies. His FEMA director says that’s not true.

What a surprise.


Virginia police investigating teens coughing on produce for social media

Could be they're Rudy Gobert's kids.


Alone no more: People are turning to dogs, cats and chickens to cope with self-isolation

I picked chicken. But I had to get rid of her because she never stopped making comments while we were watching tv! Just would NOT shut up.


Can’t Smell Or Taste Anything? You Might Have The Coronavirus

Oh, thank God! For a minute there I thought he was gonna say I might be a redneck.



In Trump's defense: Putin never told him it was something of any importance to the United States.

Why are there so few coronavirus cases in Russia?

Yeah. That's a very interesting question.


Rachel Maddow Tells Media To Stop Airing Trump’s Coronavirus Pressers On Live TV

Rupert Murdoch could save lives by forcing Fox News to tell the truth about coronavirus — right now

Would it be that surprising that Rupert Murdoch is a greater threat to the United States now than even Putin? I mean, this has been crystal clear for years now to anyone with eyes to see [most FOX news broadcasts].

Lachlan Murdoch stood by as Fox News hosts played down the danger of the coronavirus, our columnist writes.

You and I have been born into a world where, unfortunately, ignorance and superstition reign supreme. Here the only things that can save us is to set aside what cannot be proven, and to learn the proofs--Two truths that we do not yet acknowledge!

Professors, Journalists Call Out Fox News’ Coronavirus Misinformation In Scathing Letter


Far more people in the U.S. have the coronavirus than you think

Fauci gets frank about Trump: ‘I can’t jump in front of the microphone and push him down’

Save time: Assume Trump is inept and lying

For the sheer sake of saving lives, why doesn't Trump bring in a few experts who actually know how to expedite things in this national emergency and move out his loyal lackeys to wiping his ass or some other of the only jobs in his household they can really handle?

The media must stop live-broadcasting Trump’s dangerous, destructive coronavirus briefings

Trump cares more about the stock market than humans

Trump Shrugged Off Repeated Intelligence Warnings About Coronavirus Pandemic: Report

Trump Considers Defying Health Experts, Ending Social Distancing Amid Coronavirus Pandemic

Yeah! Let the good times roll!


Trump Claims U.S. Will See More Death By Keeping Economy Shut Than By Virus

Well, he does know more about medicine than all the doctors in the world put together, you know.


We Now Know Who Society’s Essential Workers Are. And They’re Among The Lowest Paid.

And here I though it was the guys putting all day out on the golf courses!


Who was Alexander von Humboldt?

I'm gonna take a wild stab at this: Was he by any chance my grade school bus driver...?


Liberty University welcomes students back despite outbreak

Don't worry: They're cool with Jesus, so they're pretty much immune from the virus. [You know, like the Shia Iranians who are cool with Mohammed are also protected.]


Why Does Lightning Rarely Strike in the Arctic?

Answer: Because there are so few people there to get hit by it. [Same as why trees don't fall in the forest unless they can crack some passing numskull.]


The Forgotten American Explorer Who Discovered Huge Parts of Antarctica

"What? More ice?!?"


Now You Don’t Even Have To Touch Someone For Your Takeout Or Food Delivery

This is so not true: I always put the touch on someone for my meals.


Let’s Cut The Crap: Are Bidets Actually Better Than Toilet Paper?

Well, how many plies of Bidets do you need to wipe your ass?


New app tells you when you've come in contact with a coronavirus patient

Or, you could just count everybody you've run into prancing out there.


Trump Hopes Country Will Be Reopened By Easter After Lockdown

Sure. Who needs doctors when we've got Trump's hopes?


New study finds that cats can catch coronavirus, but dogs cannot

On the plus side: Dogs can catch balls, but cats cannot.


The only official fired over the virus? A captain who tried to protect his crew.

Trump must be bursting with trumpride.


Mice’s facial expressions can reveal a wide range of emotions

Heck, I knew this since I was a kid just from watching Mighty Mouse cartoons.


Putin orders month of non-work to curb coronavirus

Russians say they were already non-working. But thanks anyway.


Birds claim Peru beach emptied by virus outbreak

"I claim this beach in the name of us chickens!"


Blood from people who recover from virus could provide a treatment

The Rise of The Vampires.


When will the coronavirus pandemic and social distancing end?

Answer: When Trump decides he hasn't killed enough people per dollar, I imagine.

One Twitter user correctly noted that "not one single human being deserves to die for somebody else's stock portfolio."

The United States is working on its death toll from the coronavirus pandemic. Trump is working on his portfolio. What could go wrong?

Thank you Senate Republicans for putting pinhead Trump in charge of our Coronavirus Pandemic.


Would Trump be willing to be the canary in the coal mine?

How many drafts did Trump dodge?

'Nough said.


Trump Rejects New York’s Plea For Ventilators: ‘I Don’t Believe You Need’ That Many

Sez his gut is clairvoyant, and doesn't see NY needing that many. Sorry.


It’s easy to blame Trump for this fiasco. But there’s a much larger story.

Yeah, we know: The entire Republican Party as a whole.


For more than a decade, butterflies have repeatedly landed on me. I think I’m blessed by the red admiral

Either that or you eat too much salt (which they seek).


If you’ve run out of toilet paper, Woody Allen’s memoir is also made of paper

Woody Allen now advertising his memoir as specialty toilet paper for all the more affluent assholes out there. Thank you.


Trump ties virus decisions to personal grievances

In Trump's defense: Governing by vindictiveness is in his DNA. Sorry.


The president said he was convinced by data modeling that showed that the death rate in the United States probably won’t peak for another two weeks.

Some call it 'data modeling' and others call it a hand puppet show of figure after figure going over an imaginary cliff. Whatever: It worked.


If you don't believe Republicans are shamelessly unethical anti-American crooks just consider this:

Trump just comes out and says it: The GOP is hurt when it’s easier to vote

Want proof that Republicans want to suppress voters? Just ask Trump.

Georgia GOP Leader: More Absentee Voting Will Help Turnout, Be ‘Devastating To Republicans’


Sanders acknowledges ‘narrow path’ but says he could still be Democratic nominee

And, if he can't be that, he can at least re-elect Trump: That would look super in his long list of questionable accomplishments.


Trump Hands Coronavirus Briefing To MyPillow Exec Who Tells Americans To Read Bible

Let's face it: If it weren't for all the needless deaths his ignorance and incompetence are causing Trump would be a riot.

P.S. I wonder whether Trump has given any thought to replacing Pompeo with the MyPillow guy--who has a very nice mustache (something which is one of the best qualification out there for joining the Trump cabinet).


Mitch McConnell: Impeachment Push ‘Diverted’ Government’s Attention From Coronavirus

McConnell claims impeachment ‘diverted the attention’ of Trump administration from coronavirus response

Which would, of course, mean that the Trump administration was aware of what a danger this virus posed to the country a LOT earlier than it claims while doing absolutely nothing about it!!! [Finally Mitch is turning on Trump.]

Why the new effort to blame coronavirus fumbles on the impeachment trial falls so far short

A White House report blows up Trump’s latest coronavirus defense

Blaming Trump’s virus failures on impeachment is gaslighting of the highest order

“It’s going to disappear. One day, it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.” Feb. 28

Epidemiologist Slams ‘Malpractice’ In New York Times’ Trump Coverage


Why a Frenchman built a 'Tudor' castle in West Africa

Cheap labor?


Police Are Trying To Free Inmates At Risk Of Coronavirus. Why Are Judges Blocking Them?

Police are right there handling the inmates. The judges are hiding under their beds thousands of miles away.


Everyone and everything Trump has blamed for his coronavirus response

--Sorry, we ran out of space.


Biden widens lead over Trump despite coronavirus halting campaign – poll

Sure. Considering how God has cursed America for electing Trump with this Biblical plague, I can understand it. ["Pharaoh, let the people go!"] Let's hope this time just one plague alone is enough.


Trump’s damage is already done

The Coronavirus Show has but one star — and the rest are supporting players

And who in this entire world doesn't yet know that that star [Trump] is an utterly incompetent simpleton who bears a monstrous part (literally) of the blame for all the ills that are befalling & are likely to continue to befall this nation? The Senate Republicans who refused to remove Trump when every single one of them KNEW that it was their sworn duty to their country to do so are every single one of them now just as culpable as is Donald Trump himself for all the devastation & even deaths that Trump's predictable mismanagement is bringing down on this nation.

Coronavirus exposes the true cost of Republicans’ acquiescence to Donald Trump

Republicans were warned. Yet they persisted in defending Trump.

Maybe you haven't been paying attention to Republicans other than Trump: This whole entire putrid bunch are all either incompetent nincompoops, complete ignoramuses, or malicious villains--And it's gonna cost human lives, so prepare for it.

Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp, who resisted strict coronavirus measures, says he just learned it transmits asymptomatically

But sez that he's still looking into that "crazy" idea he heard the other day that the earth may not be flat. [Republicans are the best.]

Republicans like me built this moment. Then we looked the other way.

Lying, Tweeting And Wishing A Pandemic Away Doesn’t Work, It Turns Out

Who knew, right?

Trump Administration Asks States To Bury Unemployment Claim Figures

The proudly incompetent Trump administration sows chaos, as usual

"If you know somebody who is very sick or has died of coronavirus, please send a Thank You note to Donald J. Trump."

“I want them to be appreciative,” Trump said on March 27.

Oh, and if you voted for Trump, you can send a nice Thank You note to yourself--provided you're not among the members of your family who 'was' killed by Trump's legendary incompetence, of course.

As Crisis Deepens, Congressional Rescue Deal Teeters -- “If the president doesn’t act, people will die who could have lived otherwise,” New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio said.

Disaster Chief Slams Donald Trump’s ‘Preposterous’ Coronavirus Claim

I'm A Doctor. The U.S. Response To Coronavirus Has Been Nothing Short Of Criminal.


Why Is Trump So Timid With the Defense Production Act?

Same reason a kid's timid with his first bike. [Should've put in charge somebody who at least knows how to ride a bike, for Heaven's Sake!]


Trump’s ignorant son-in-law is running the coronavirus response. That’s unacceptable.

Kushner on Thursday offered a curious claim about the national stockpile. The next day, official language on the government's website was altered.

A dweeb barely qualified to be a shoeshine boy now in charge of keeping millions of people from dying in a global pandemic. What could go wrong?

Jared Kushner Claims ‘Our Stockpile’ Isn’t Meant For States To Use

Jared Kushner Is Going to Get Us All Killed

Hey, he's family. He was thoroughly vetted by Ivanka.


Experts and Trump’s advisers doubt White House’s 240,000 coronavirus deaths estimate

Could Trump be underestimating the possible number of coronavirus fatalities in order to claim later that a higher resulting number was the result of others thwarting his "brilliant" leadership? Could Trump be overestimating the possible number of coronavirus fatalities in order to claim later that a lower resulting number was the result of his "brilliant" leadership? Either one, unfortunately, is a scenario which Trump's unprincipled nature makes frightfully plausible. [Be afraid! Be very afraid!]


Trump says he will fire intelligence watchdog at center of Ukraine allegations that led to impeachment

Trump is trying to undermine the government’s independent watchdogs — again

Trump again is trying to undermine government’s independent watchdogs

In Trump's defense: It is the duty of every criminal to undermine the police.


In the midst of a crisis, Trump issues playground taunts

In Trump's defense: It takes him back to when he was a little boy, this morning.

Trump has handled the coronavirus the way he handles everything: Like a toddler


GOP Voters Rebuke Donald Trump’s Coronavirus Response In New Video

Will the Coronavirus Pandemic Lead to a Political Shakeup?

More damning revelations about Trump. Yet another bogus defense.

Need anybody wonder why failure has dogged Trump's every step throughout his entire life?


Trump Org Reportedly Seeking Debt Help From Deutsche As Bank Is Probed By DOJ

In Trump's defense: Duh! What better time to put in for a loan than when you have something of great value to offer the bank in return? [Weren't you following Trump's recent blackmailing of the Ukraine?] "Barr is after you? I could fix that, sure. But I'd like you to do us a favor, though..."



Will add more later. SDR

REMEMBER: This page is my scratchpad: Occasionally items which are edited (relevant & checked for factual errors) will be incorporated into my Tricky Headlines series [others with be purged]. For example, THE BOOK ON TRUMP will never be finished until Trump is finished (and, hopefully, doing a long & well-deserved stretch in prison... or an asylum for the criminally insane). We'll see.

Want to read more?

Buy the books: Each has hundreds & hundreds more...
[Thousands & thousands if you get the entire set.]
These are all real headlines--I'm the one who's unreal.

DISCLAIMER: Note that my quips are almost exclusively all about the headline and the news articles themselves are in most cases irrelevant: Only because of the electronic nature of eBooks have I been able to include a [most convenient] search link to the actual news article... exclusively for the sake of those of you with a morbid curiosity (or a slow wit). But though I myself have read them, it is not really all that necessary that you put yourself through that too--unless, of course, you wish to find out whether my outrageous make of them might perhaps also be accurate (or just plain nuts).
S D Rodrian
PERMISSIONS: As long as you provide the appropriate citation of authorship and Copyrights you may use [just one] of the above quips. More than one and you gotta pay me through the nose for their use.*
S D Rodrian

* NO mucus, please.


The Rules of Life
The Stories and Poems of S D Rodrian
Copyright Notice: Please note that none of the materials in this website are in the Public Domain, so please do not reproduce any of it without the proper permissions from the Copyright holder: S D Rodrian